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Don't Panic

Monday December 28, 2009 01:00 pm EST
The career civil servant has been criticized from the left, right and center after leading his country's official Iraq war inquiry | more...

Don't Panic

Monday December 21, 2009 03:33 pm EST

image-1The website for North Korea's Korean Central News Agency isn't usually a repository of hope. The best one can usually expect from reading it is a guilty chuckle.

The rote totalitarian rigidity apparent in stories like "Every Korean Urged to Swim with Trend of Times in National Interests," "Kim Jong Il's Exploits For Party Building Praised" and "Colored Granite Made" would be...

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Don't Panic

Monday December 21, 2009 10:00 am EST
The U.S. is more willing than ever to normalize relations with the Hermit Kingdom, but in exchange, North Korea has to be less crazy. | more...

Don't Panic

Monday December 14, 2009 07:26 pm EST

image-1Until quite recently, I was about as interested in the sex lives of golfers as I am about, well, golf – i.e., not even remotely interested.

Suddenly, I'm very interested.

The news media's obsession with allegations that top golfer Tiger Woods was playing as many holes in his free time as he was at tournaments has given me an idea.

In this column, I'm always nagging...

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Don't Panic

Monday December 14, 2009 02:00 pm EST
Until quite recently, I was about as interested in the sex lives of golfers as I am about, well, golf | more...

Don't Panic

Monday December 7, 2009 04:16 pm EST

image-1Being president of the United States has some perquisites.

You get a house. You never have to stop at red lights. And you're pretty much guaranteed a multimillion dollar payday for your excruciatingly dull post-presidential memoir. Yes, I'm talking to you, Bill My Life Clinton.

The job also has downsides. You never really have a day off. Crazy people are trying to murder you....

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Don't Panic

Monday December 7, 2009 04:00 am EST
Did the surge, the tactic now being applied to Afghanistan, win" the Iraq war? Hardly" | more...

Don't Panic

Wednesday December 2, 2009 01:50 am EST
This week's coolest clip in the world is "Ataque de Pánico!" or "Panic Attack," a short film in which Uruguayan director Fede Alvarez offers an apocalyptic robot attack in less than five minutes — and supposedly for less than $500. Thanks in part to a boost from Kanye West's blog, Alvarez has secured a deal to direct a $30 million feature film of "Panic Attack," to be produced by Sam... | more...

Don't Panic

Monday November 30, 2009 04:00 pm EST

image-1I owe my reader(s) a big apology.

In my Nov. 2 column, I dumped several heaping tablespoons of praise on the Obama administration for brokering a peaceful political compromise to the military coup crisis in Honduras. Even though I included the weasel-y journalistic hedge phrase “assuming the deal is OK’d by Honduras’ Congress,” I still wrote the entire column as...

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Don't Panic

Monday November 30, 2009 04:00 am EST
Cringe-inducing displays of weakness, ineptitude and cynicism | more...

Don't Panic

Monday November 23, 2009 01:00 pm EST
No description provided | more...

Don't Panic

Monday November 23, 2009 04:00 am EST
The overwhelming majority of Americans don't experience corruption the way people in poorer countries do | more...

Don't Panic

Tuesday November 17, 2009 04:30 pm EST

image-1In a move that threatens to make emptying your spam folder much less amusing, the Nigerian government recently launched a big crackdown on so-called "419" scammers.

The 419 scam, named for the section of the Nigerian legal code outlawing it, reportedly rakes in billions of dollars annually. It works thusly: You know those weird, obsequious, all-cap business proposal e-mails you...

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Don't Panic

Monday November 16, 2009 04:00 am EST

In a move that threatens to make emptying your spam folder much less amusing, the Nigerian government recently launched a big crackdown on so-called "419" scammers.

The 419 scam, named for the section of the Nigerian legal code outlawing it, reportedly rakes in billions of dollars annually. It works thusly: You know those weird, obsequious, all-cap business proposal e-mails you delete (e.g....

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Don't Panic

Monday November 9, 2009 04:00 am EST

Hoping for peace between Israel and Palestine is like hoping bacon triple cheeseburgers were healthy, your pet dog could live forever, and senior Bush administration officials were put on trial for torturing prisoners. Just because it would be nice doesn’t make it any less fantastical.

Still, every few years, we seem to get our hopes up that peace is around the corner — just a grip and grin on...

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Don't Panic

Monday November 2, 2009 04:00 am EST
It's harder to justify your existence as a bulwark against U.S. bullying when the U.S. has quit acting like a bully | more...

Don't Panic

Monday October 26, 2009 04:00 am EDT

Who won?

Nobody won. Lots of people lost, though.

Including me. In August, I wrote two whole columns about the Afghanistan election; in the process, depleting my once vast stockpile of Afghanistan-related jokes, puns and nutty fun facts.

Now there’s going to be a runoff election because stupid President Hamid Karzai and his cronies are so incompetent, they couldn’t even rig an election...

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Don't Panic

Monday October 19, 2009 04:00 am EDT
I have a soft spot in my heart for countries with Guinea in the name | more...

Don't Panic

Monday October 12, 2009 04:00 am EDT
Just like youth everywhere else in the world, al-Shababies tend to annoy and/or frighten the grown-ups they encounter | more...

Don't Panic

Monday September 28, 2009 04:00 am EDT

My fellow Americans and American fellows:

Mark your calendars. Our national family has an important birthday coming up. On Oct. 7, the War On Terror™ turns 8 years old.

Eight. Wow. I know. I know. They sure do grow up fast. Before you know it, this war will old enough to enlist in itself!

I’ve got an idea. With the recession and all, maybe we can all pitch in for a gift. If every American...

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Don't Panic

Monday September 21, 2009 04:00 am EDT
I admit it. Obama's a Communist. | more...

Don't Panic

Monday September 14, 2009 04:00 am EDT
Nine months into Obama's presidency, we should know | more...

Don't Panic

Monday September 7, 2009 04:00 am EDT













??I feel sorry for Pakistan’s civil war.?? ??It’s the highest stakes civil war the world has seen since the Iranian Revolution, or maybe even since the Chinese Civil War turned China commie in 1949. Yet, your average John Q. Public, Joe and Josephine Average, and Jane Doe don’t even seem remotely interested.  ?? ??Part of the problem is the perception that Pakistan’s civil war...

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Don't Panic

Monday August 31, 2009 04:00 am EDT













Along with the week between Christmas and New Year’s, August is supposedly a slow time for news.??That’s not to say nothing’s happening in the world. There’s plenty happening. Like Christmas, August is only considered “slow” because media muckety-mucks tend to time their vacations to coincide with congressional and presidential vacations.??“Slow news month” is, in...

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Don't Panic

Monday August 24, 2009 04:00 am EDT
??Tom Ridge, who served as President Bush’s secretary of homeland security, is a selfish, dishonorable man.??To pimp his new book, Ridge finally confessed that the Bush White House pressured him to raise the nation’s color-coded threat-level warning to orange in what he believes was an effort to influence the outcome of the 2004 presidential election.??He could have revealed this information to... | more...