Handsome Dan of Wizard Smoke’s top 5 reasons to skip SXSW

Wizard Smoke will not be playing SXSW this year

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  • Ryan James



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Lines: Even with a wristband, you’re not gonna see Hot Band Du Jour #5117 unless you’re present in line three hours before the showcase, directly behind the young couple tripping on nutmeg.

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Crowds: Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Likewise, where there are hundreds of obscure bands in a festival setting, there are droves of completely intolerable cocksuckers watching them.

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The Austin Transformation: That legendary Tex-Mex restaurant you want to try later? It’s called Las Manitas, and it was bulldozed in 2008 to make room for condominiums now owned by the University of Texas’ best and brightest date rapists.