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Labor of Lust

A guide to making out at Drive-Invasion

Labor Day weekend is here again, so all you working stiffs can chase your R&R-squared (rest, relaxation, rock and roll) and cut footloose at the sixth annual Drive Invasion. This year's party features 18 bands including Nine Pound Hammer, the Woggles, Big Sandy & His Fly Right Boys, Catfight! and hilarious Van Halen tribute band Van Heineken, in addition to a full slate of campy drive-in films (see Flicks, p. 68) and a classic car and bike show.

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"Drive-Invasion is the ultimate party," says guitarist Susanne of Lust, a featured act on Saturday. Her band has several Drive-Invasions under its belt. The sassy, theatrical rockers always present a costumed and clever theme show: One year, their keyboardist jumped a flaming pyramid of popcorn boxes on a miniature motorcycle. Another set featured a work-out show spoof, with Susanne (who also drums for Catfight!, Sunday at 3 p.m.) and bassist/vocalist Barbara G. bouncing around faux-seductively on trampolines, long before "The Man Show" thought of it.

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The deliciously leggy, cleavage-baring ladies of Lust, coupled with the time-honored passion-pit aura of the drive-in, inspires devilish thoughts of good ol' backseat debauchery. "We've gone each year and ended up in the back of a different car every time," says Susanne.

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So, with Lust in our pervy little hearts, CL is all lubed up and ready to present a throbbingly unscientific sampling of tips for making out like a bandit at the Starlight.

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Barbara G. of Lust (Saturday, 5:15 p.m.):

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1) "The early bird gets the worm! Getting there early not only increases your hook-up chances and you get to catch the lucky bands with early time slots."

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2) "Stay mobile. Cruising around at dinner time is also a great time to sponge off your pals as they line up the grills."

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3) "Less is more in the clothing department. After dark, it's a super excuse to make your first move as you complain about 'the sudden chill in the air.'"

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4) "Bring protection ... and sunscreen."

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5) "If everything fails, bring a backup. A blow-up doll, at the very least, makes a great pillow, creates the illusion that you actually did score, and it's a cheap date!"

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Blaine Cartwright of Nine Pound Hammer (Sunday, 7:50 p.m.):

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1) "My girlfriend in high school was a little young, so we were constantly looking for new places to make out, hopefully ones that were far away from her truck-drivin' dad and his shotgun. After getting chased off fields and dirt roads by cops and farmers, we'd go to the drive-in whenever we could afford it. It was usually a dusk-till-dawn bill of movies about horny cheerleaders and the zombies who want to eat them."

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2) "Always park in the back at least two spots away from the nearest car. The windows steam up fast and everyone knows what you're up to. I once made the mistake of trying to get some during a sold-out double feature of Risky Business and Police Academy. The only spot was right next to the concession stand. All night while we were going at it, rednecks were throwing ice at the windows and tossing onion rings around the radio antenna."

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3) "Have a big car, preferably a van. My father's '77 Thunderbird was just big enough. Our other car, a Ford Pinto, sucked. Luckily, it had a sunroof, so in a pinch you could always put her head through the top."

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4) "Have a way to dispose of used condoms. My suggestion would be to save an empty food sack from the concession stand."

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5) "Leave when the movies are over! Getting caught passed out naked with an underage girl is a good way to get in trouble with the law and get your ass kicked by her dad and brother."

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Atlanta Rollergirls, (guest appearances, Saturday and Sunday):

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1) "Very important: gum first for removal of popcorn particles, then breath mints, really strong ones like Altoids. Or breath strips for 'added sensation' when going south."

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2) "Girls like third base, a lot!"

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3) "Ladies, always wear a skirt. Panties are optional."

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4) "Bring someone who really doesn't give a damn about actually watching the movie. Otherwise, they'll be saying, "Hang on a minute ... I love this part.'"

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5) "Beware of the stick shift ... or not."