The truth

It’s sorta cool that the glow of cell-phone screens replaced lighters as a call for an encore, but other than that, cell phones at shows are annoying. At every stinkin’ concert, I see folks trying to answer their cells, taking pictures with their cells and doing things with their cells that obviously won’t work. But apparently, it’s not obvious enough. Here a few facts you need to know about cell-phone use at concerts:

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1) Answering your cell phone at a concert is futile. Loud music = can’t hear phone. Try text messaging.

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2) If you actually answer your cell phone, do NOT yell at the top of your lungs into your phone’s receiver. The caller still won’t understand what you’re saying and you’ll piss off the people around you.

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3) Offenses No. 1 and 2 are made exponentially worse if made at a low-volume concert at a small venue featuring singer/songwriters. Instead of a few people noticing you’re a dumbass, the whole venue will righteously dub you “the asshole.”

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4) Holding up a cell phone so the caller can hear the music has never, ever worked.

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5) The cameras on cell phones suck. If you’re in the front row, you might get an image that vaguely resembles a band. Pictures taken from anywhere else almost always look like a black box (the stage) with an atomic explosion (the stage lights) and a few black squiggles (the performers). A crap image like that isn’t worth blocking everyone else’s view.