What not to ask an Asian-American woman in a bar

When Ivy Le was asked to perform in the recent Asian Hip-Hop Festival in Atlanta, the first thing the spoken word artist did was come up with a rap moniker so she wouldn’t be the only lame using her government name. Of course, Ivycat — as she crowned herself — is used to being the minority. Even when visiting her family’s homeland, the 24-year-old sticks out like “an American in Vietnam,” she says. As a result, cultural stereotypes are her poetic muse. But one thing she has no love for are these wack pickup lines.

1) Where are you really from? “I really am from Texas, and I don’t care where your Asian ex-girlfriend was really from, either.”

2) Do you ... speak any other languages? “Nice try. Unless we’re having a deep conversation about linguistics while the maitre d’ decants our Malbec, stop asking me where I’m really from.”

3) Ching chang chong? “I actually do speak a few languages, but I don’t understand Bigot. I’d tell you what I usually say to this question, but you can’t print it.”

4) You know I love Asian women? “Yeah, Buttercup, I could tell you were sexually objectifying me due to my race from the parking lot. You know, your fortune cookie says I will never sleep with you?”

5) What are you? “I have no words to reply, only drinks to throw.”

To hear the poem that inspired Ivy Le’s Real Life Top Five, click here.