A-town celebrity resolutions

New Year’s resolutions suck. You make them. You break them. Then you’re a failure for the rest of the year. Rather than dwell on your own looming sense of failure, why not laugh at the shortcomings of others? Here are some resolutions we conjured to poke a little fun at several of Atlanta’s high-rankers. These are just jokes, but seriously people ...

1) Janet Jackson — Regain Control of your music and stop putting out lackluster joints like the leaked single from your forthcoming album, Discipline.

2) Jermaine Dupri — Produce a hit for Janet. Please.

3) Shawty Lo — Stop dry-snitching on yourself with revealing Raw Report DVDs about prior criminal exploits. We appreciate your Bankhead authenticity, but as T.I. can vouch, fans aren’t the only ones watching.

4) Bradford Cox — Lay off the creepy blog posts and give drive-by critics a chance to talk shit about your music instead of your supposed sexual predilections.

5) Soulja Boy — Log off and do your homework, son.