Various Artists August 31 2005

Let’s not beat around the bush: All-Time Top 100 TV Themes is a great fucking CD.

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First of all, the album’s title is no hyperbole; the monster of a double-disc set actually does contain the top 100 TV themes of all time — as new as “Six Feet Under” and old as “I Love Lucy.” Regardless of age, race or gender, if you’ve ever loved a TV show — and dammit we all have — your favorite theme is, without a doubt, on this CD.

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Standout songs include themes from hit shows like “Moonlighting,” performed by Al Jarreau; “Barney Miller,” featuring a driving funk/rock track; and the instantly recognizable “Taxi.” Obscure shows also get props on TV Themes and highlights include ditties like the bubbly, scat-heavy theme to the “Courtship of Eddie’s Father” (which starred a pre-Hulk Bill Bixby), and the ’60s-soaked theme for “Love American Style.”

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Of course, some tunes, such as lyrically lacking themes for ’80s schlock like “Growing Pains” and “21 Jump Street,” don’t hold the test of time. Other cuts, however, such as the surprisingly funky “Eight Is Enough” and the Donny Hathaway-powered “Maude” sound better today than when they first aired.

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No, this CD will not help you get laid or make the folks at Criminal Records think you have good taste. It will, on the other hand, make you sing, laugh your ass off, and maybe, if you’re really in touch with your inner-cornball, shed a tear as you stroll down memory lane.