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The Blotter: An itchy situation

In Downtown, an undercover cop said he spotted a man drinking beer from a Starbucks cup. “As I watched, he finished the beer and discarded the plastic cup on the city sidewalk at the intersection of Walton Street and Peachtree,” the cop noted. “I called a takedown unit and began to follow him. As I followed him, he ducked behind a pillar near the intersection of Forsyth and Walton streets and emerged again very close to me. He walked straight up to me, and I thought he was about to ask me why I was following him.”

The man did nothing of the sort. Instead, he bellowed, “Nothing is worse than an itchy asshole! Then, you gotta buy one of these.” The man thrust out his hand, clutching a jar of Vaseline, toward the undercover cop. “You know you are going to use the whole thing,” the man said, shaking the Vaseline jar. “God is terrible. Hey, do you have some loose change I could have?”

The undercover cop explained that he did not have any cash on him. Backup units arrived and arrested the man, 63. He went to jail, charged with littering, drinking in public, and monetary solicitation.

Invisible friend

Near East Atlanta Village, police responded to a call about a drunk guy staggering down Moreland Avenue. “He was intoxicated to the point he could barely walk,” a cop noted. “I asked him if he had a few drinks and he said that he did. While I was trying to assess his condition, he began talking to an imaginary figure named Alexis.” At this point, the cop called for an ambulance and medics to come help the man, a 27-year-old from Lawrenceville. Medics tried to talk to the man but he “began acting paranoid, putting his hands up and taking his shoes off.” The cop did a computer check on the man’s ID. Turns out, he has a warrant in Gwinnett County for DUI violation, so he went to jail for the warrant. The man never clarified exactly who the imaginary Alexis was, or why he was talking to her.

Unhappy Mother’s Day

A 27-year-old man called police to his home on Gun Club Road. When the cop arrived, the man said that two furious young women — both mothers of his children — came to his home for an impromptu discussion. “[The man] said both of the females began arguing with him due to a lack of child support that they were receiving,” the cop noted. “He even went further to add that both females slapped him in the face.” The man had no visible injuries on his face from the double-slap.

Also, the man said during the altercation, one angry mother took his wallet from inside his home. The man’s wallet contains his ID card, Social Security card, birth certificate, rush card, and his library card — plus $100 cash. Both angry moms left the house together.

There were several other people in the man’s home — possible witnesses, the cop noted, adding, “However NO ONE would speak to myself in regards to the incident.” Especially the 27-year-old man’s own mother, who refused to speak up and defend her son. “It appeared as though they did not want to be involved in his situation,” the cop wrote. Even worse: The man didn’t know basic info about the two mothers of his children. “He could not provide any specific information on the females. Information such as full names, dates of birth, and address locations were not provided due to his lack of knowledge that he has on the females. However, he insisted on a report.”

Ex hex

In Mechanicsville, two ex-roommates got into a fight. The first roommate, a 31-year-old man, still lives in the apartment. The ex-roommate, a 28-year-old man, moved out six months ago but believes the first roommate still owes him a lot of money.

One night, the first roommate went to sleep, leaving his pants on the floor near the bed. The ex-roommate snuck into the apartment. The first roommate suddenly woke up and saw his ex-roommate hovering near his bed, removing money from his pants pocket. Immediately, the two men started brawling. The ex-roommate reportedly grabbed a frying pan and whacked the first roommate’s head before scurrying out the door. Cops noted visible swelling on the 31-year-old’s head from the frying pan, but noted that he should be OK. It’s unclear how much money the ex-roommate swiped from his pants pocket. Let’s hope he finally gets the locks changed.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.






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