The Blotter: Beast of burden

An exotic animal caused a six-month kerfuffle in a neighborhood south of Grant Park. Several neighbors called police, and begged them to do something about the constant loud noise. The perp: a lone exotic bird sitting in a cage. A female neighbor said the bird — a macaw — had been squawking incessantly for at least six months and authorities kept ignoring her calls for a peaceful resolution. The woman said she’s willing to go to court to shut the bird up. (Note: For years, the Blotter Diva lived next-door to a white macaw in Poncey-Highland. The macaw’s bizarre screech sounds like someone is being stabbed repeatedly — for hours.)

A cop went to the home where the bird resides. A 44-year-old man opened the door and said his family’s macaw lives in a cage in the backyard. Also, the man said he’s not the bird’s owner — his mom owns the bird and she was at work.

The cop asked the man to call his mom immediately. The son called his mom, and she agreed to move her beloved macaw inside the house to “decrease the loud noise issue,” the cop wrote. The cop told neighbors to call him immediately if the bird continued to be a nuisance.

Mo’ money, mo’ problems

A local musician was having a tough time with his fellow tribute bandmates. He’s the lead singer and his good friend is the lead guitarist. The singer and lead guitarist were in charge of the band’s bank account. One day, the lead guitarist called for a meeting and announced his resignation from the band. A few hours later, the lead singer got suspicious and checked the band’s bank account: More than $4,000 was gone.

Just waiting on a friend

A 59-year-old man flagged down police and said trouble broke out after he did some plumbing work on his friend’s home. Once the work was finished, the friend refused to pay him. The two friends brawled. The 59-year-old said his friend hit him in the forehead with a pipe. The 59-year-old appeared very intoxicated. The cop asked for his friend’s name. It wasn’t a tricky question, but it threw the man for a loop. “He stated that he did not know, he only knew his friend as ‘Comedian,’” the cop wrote. Also, the man had no idea where Comedian’s house was located. The officer filed a report and told the man he could “update the information once he was in a more sober state” and could remember more information about his friend.

Honky-tonk woman

On a recent hot summer night, a cop was working undercover in the English Avenue neighborhood. A sassy woman approached the undercover cop’s car and “asked me if I wanted her to get in,” the cop noted. “I said yes ... Then, I asked [her] what she was good at. With a smile, she said head. Next, she said that I can get all three (head, pussy and anal) for $50 and I [said] OK. Finally, she started telling me about how she can tell what a person eats just by tasting their cum.” The cop called for backup. The 33-year-old Decatur woman went to jail and was charged with prostitution.

Can’t you hear me knocking?

A local 42-year-old man called police to his used-car dealership. The man said a 25-year-old woman was upset with him for not going to a concert with her and not answering his phone. Apparently, the woman barged into the used-car dealership to confront him. According to the police report, “She proceeded to chase the victim with a 4-way lug wrench. ... She then started to chase him with a butcher knife and threatened to kill him and flatten his tires.”

The man called 911 and the young lady hopped back into her car. She allegedly threatened to run him over and chased the man in her car. The man — still on phone with 911 — ran behind the woman’s car to try to get her license plate number. The woman “slammed on the gas real hard” and hit reverse, zooming back near him. Then the woman left.

Hours later, the woman returned. Once again, the man called 911. This time, he parked his white Nissan Altima in the parking lot’s exit to try to prevent her from leaving. Also, the man put another woman, 28, inside his car. Outraged, the woman allegedly rammed her car into the Nissan’s passenger door. The woman inside the car (Perhaps that’s part of the problem?) Neither woman was physically injured. The man’s car? That’s another story.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.