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The Blotter: Best of the Blotter 2014

The most bizarre crimes and police reports of the past year

Perhaps the "A" in Atlanta should stand for "animals." Living in this sizzling Southern mecca, some are prone to reverting back to their primal instincts — walking around naked, biting foes, launching poop. We humans can turn into beasts when faced with extreme doses of passion and paranoia. So in recognition of the city's drunken brutes, greedy wretches, and unhinged mobs, we present our annual ode to some of the most bizarre crimes that took place over the past year. Welcome to the Best of the Blotter: Atlanta's wild kingdom.

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ATL characters and costumes



DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE: A bare-bottomed woman was booted from Underground Atlanta for lack of "proper garments" on her lower half. A cop spotted the cheeky 23-year-old lass as she strutted down the street, wearing only a shirt and shredded overalls tied around her waist. "From a distance, her buttock was clearly exposed," the cop noted. "As I approached her, she turned around and her genitals and pubic area were also clearly exposed." During the arrest, things got wacky. According to the police report, the woman "insisted that she was fully dressed" even after the cop pointed out her nude hindquarters. "Let me turn this off," the woman said. The cop heard a zapping noise and realized the woman had a Taser. "Drop it!" the cop ordered. The woman ditched her Taser.

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At the Underground precinct, the cop asked the woman for her name. First, she uttered expletives. Then she claimed to be "Alice in Wonderland" and stated that she frequently uses several aliases: Carmichael, Cilleh, and Juanua. The woman repeatedly called the male cops "ma'am" and female cops "sir." Then she assumed a strange position on the precinct floor. "She was having conversations with herself while lying down on her back on the floor of the holding area with her legs up in the air," the cop wrote. She went to jail on public indecency charges.

DUDE, IT'S NOT A CAPE: Weeks before Halloween, a mostly naked 19-year-old man wrapped in a sheet tumbled out the window of his second-floor apartment. The man "had no shirt and his pants were pulled down around his ankles," the cop noted. Ragged window blinds were strewn around the area where he fell. The officer tried to figure out if the 19-year-old had been pushed or if he fell. His friends said they'd been drinking for hours and the 19-year-old was acting "funny." But the friends were hazy, too. "Neither could give accurate descriptions of what happened nor specifically describe what acting 'funny' meant," the cop noted. Everyone smelled of marijuana. Finally, the 19-year-old said no one pushed him or tossed him out the window — he just fell. Remarkably, the 19-year-old had no serious injuries from his two-story tumble. Yes. It's a sheet. And you cannot fly.

HORROR HAMS: A barefaced man in brown overalls and a guy wearing a Scream mask strolled into a restaurant in Downtown. The masked man pointed a gun at a 34-year-old female cashier and demanded the woman hand over her keys and cellphone. Terrified, the cashier slowly inched her way into a back room to retrieve her car keys and phone from her purse. Shaking, the cashier returned to the front counter, but the masked man and his overall-wearing accomplice were gone. Nothing was missing from the restaurant, and no one was hurt. Naturally, cops wanted to verify the cashier's bizarre story. Sure enough, after reviewing the restaurant's surveillance tape the cop "could clearly see the two individuals, the 'Scream' mask, and the gun." Apparently, it was a prank.

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Surveillance shivers



SNOWDEN WANNABE: A woman clutching a motorcycle helmet and a video camera walked headlong into traffic on I-20. "She seemed very focused and oblivious to the interstate traffic," wrote the officer, who stopped to help her. "Don't touch me!" the woman yelled. "She told me I could drug-test her and she's looking for her memory card [from the video camera]. She said what was on the memory card was more important than her life," the officer noted. "She started talking about people hacking into her grandmother or mother's computer and people following her around."

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Police found her broken-down motorcycle on I-20 and moved it to a safer location. The woman, 41, was charged with walking on a highway.

At the police precinct, cops found large amounts of electrical equipment stuffed into pouches that were strapped around the woman's waist. Two more bags of electrical equipment were strapped to her motorcycle. During the search, the woman "started speaking into one of the little hand-held voice recorders, telling it what was happening to her now," the officer noted. When she lifted up her arms, cops saw small cuts on her stomach and chest. The names of three people had been carved into her left leg. Apparently, one name belonged to an ex-boyfriend. The woman kept saying her "family is under surveillance" and she must return to I-20 to search for her missing memory card. Police decided the best place for her was a psych ward.

WATCH OUT: "I'm waiting for the mayor and Channel 2 News. Where is my mother and why is everybody watching me? What the fuck?" screamed a high-strung man in Old Fourth Ward. He was hunkered down and refusing to leave a busy office building. A cop raced inside and found the man in the front lobby. The cop ordered the man to leave. "Fuck, man, for what?" the man said, yanking his hand from the cop's grasp.

The building's security chief told the cop that they "have video surveillance of the whole incident from when he ran into the security booth, and then ran by security into the building and started running up on employees." The cop arrested the wide-eyed man.

The man told the cops that he had taken methamphetamines. "I feel real fucked sir, and I can't breathe," the man said. "Oh shit a methamphetamine, I can't feel my face." The man, 30, hails from Sandy Springs.

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Work quirks



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SHIPS AHOY: In Buckhead, a 25-year-old Marietta man was outraged when he was fired from his job at a high-rise office tower. In his fury, the man allegedly stole a pirate flag from his co-worker's desk. The co-worker says he knows the Marietta man stole his flag because he saw it on the Marietta man's desk as he packed up his belongings. The co-worker said he called the Marietta man about his beloved missing pirate flag, but the Marietta man reportedly said the pirate flag doesn't belong to the co-worker and hung up. The co-worker called police and said the pirate flag is indeed his personal property — and he wants it back. The pirate flag is worth about $25.

JOB SNOB: "You think you are too good because you work in a chicken factory!" yelled one friend to another in Downtown Atlanta. A 43-year-old man said his screaming friend wanted to hang out with him, but the 43-year-old refused because he had to go to work the following morning. The 43-year-old said his friend hollered at him and then prepared to fight. The friend reportedly took a swing at the 43-year-old, dislocating his own arm. The 43-year-old leaned forward to block the punch and fell, hitting his head on a car.

SALUTATION SMACKDOWN: Three men work at a gas station on Roswell Road. One guy asked, "Are you having a good day or not?" The second guy replied, "I'm not having a good day." The third guy rushed up and yelled, "You are always having a bad day!" The second guy jumped out of his chair and punched the third guy in the face. The man who threw the punch took off before police arrived.

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Furniture wars!



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STAND YOUR GROUND: The finer points of interior design sparked a couple's late-night battle in Downtown. A 54-year-old man said he and his younger boyfriend were in bed when they got into a spat over "available overnight stands." According to the 54-year-old, his lover reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. The 54-year-old grabbed his cellphone to call police and said his younger lover slapped the phone from his hands and then slapped him in the face. The 54-year-old said he left their home because he felt outnumbered — even though only two of them were there.

NO SEX, NO SOFA: A marital spat broke out at an East Atlanta home. The husband said his wife went into a furious rage one morning because she didn't want to have sex with him. The wife allegedly grabbed a kitchen knife and started stabbing the sofa. The husband said that as he tried to stop her, he grabbed the knife and sliced his hand. They called police. The husband and the wife blamed each other for his bloody hand and the mangled sofa.

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Looney spirits roaming ATL



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JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL: In Downtown, a 28-year-old man refused to leave the SkyView Atlanta Ferris wheel area on Luckie Street. "He said that he was there because GOD told him to do so as a daily journey and that a gravitational pull forced him in that direction," a cop noted. Medics examined the man and said there was nothing wrong with him. The cop gave the man a trespassing warning and told him not to return to SkyView, then offered him a ride home. Nope, the man said, he'd just walk.

An hour later, the man's gravitational pull was triggered again. He returned to SkyView and plopped down in a chair. The same cop returned and took the man to jail for trespassing.

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MISSIONARY MAN: At Ansley Mall, a guy said a strange scruffy man was "preaching at him" outside a cafe about his supposed "sins and lifestyle." The guy said Preacher Man grabbed the chair he was sitting on and flipped it forward, dumping him to the ground. A cop searched Ansley Mall and eventually found Preacher Man outside a nearby sandwich shop. The cop asked him about the alleged incident. Preacher Man said the guy in the chair was "not a real man" but a "half-man." He explained the chair incident by saying he needed to get something from behind the chair the guy sat in but refused to vacate, so Preacher Man dragged the chair while the man was still sitting in it. Preacher Man said the force he used to move the guy's chair did not cause him to fall out — the man must have jumped out of his chair.

Preacher Man admitted to preaching earlier outside the mall. The cop charged the 39-year-old suspect with "acting in tumultuous and violent manner toward another." En route to jail, Preacher Man started "speaking in tongues" and "talking out loud to himself."

Also, the woman said she received a text message that read: "If I were you, I would follow these instructions: 'THE BLOOD IS OFF MY HANDS SAITH THE LORD.'"

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Brave new world



WAY OFF BASE: At Turner Field, a father-son outing to a Braves game went horribly awry. The father and son were in a group of four guys who were busted for seat-hopping during the game. Three men cooperated with security and agreed to move back to their seats. However, the father went berserk. He stood up, threw his beer can onto the ground, and lunged toward a security guard while swinging his fist. "This is because of Obama!" the father yelled. "I am a Republican!" The father pushed a police officer into a stair railing and continued screaming obscene statements about Obama. The irate father flung his arms into the air and screamed as more police swarmed in.

Police carried the angry father down the stairs. The father, 52, was dragged, screaming profanities and resisting authorities, out of Turner Field. Now the father is banned from Braves games "indefinitely." His son was allowed to stay.

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ATL celebrity fears



GUCCI GALORE: During an arrest, a 29-year-old revealed one of his fears: being locked up in the same jail cell with Atlanta rapper Gucci Mane. The 29-year-old recently moved to Atlanta from Illinois. "My baby mama is gonna kill me," he said as he was stopped at a Northside Drive roadblock. "It's not fair, my license is from out of town," he said,

"He flipped through his wallet, which from the outside appeared to be a Gucci wallet," the officer wrote.

The man, who reeked of booze, admitted he'd had a few drinks at a nightclub on Piedmont Avenue. Turns out, his Illinois driver's license expired in 2011. Also, the man's car is actually owned by his baby mama — the mother of his six children. The man said he's in big trouble because he doesn't have the money to get the family car out of impound.

The officer arrested him for suspected DUI and put him in a patrol car. The man "was not making sense" and kept repeating himself and focusing on his one massive fear, the officer noted. "While in the back of my patrol car [the man] asked multiple times if he was going to be locked up with the Atlanta rapper Gucci Mane."

DRAMA QUEEN: A 36-year-old man said he was an ex-producer for a reality TV show about hot Atlanta singles. He claimed that weird things happened after he was fired from show. "[The ex-producer] feels like the show may end up being a huge success and for the past six weeks, he has been receiving phone calls," a cop noted. "[The ex-producer] stated that an unknown male has been calling him, asking for his name and Social Security number. ... Also, he feels like someone from the production has been stalking him at home and videotaping him at his house. [The ex-producer] feels that his life is in jeopardy. He advised that no one has directly threatened him, but he fears for his safety." The ex-producer couldn't name any possible suspects from the Atlanta singles reality show.

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Waste matters



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STINKY BROOM FIGHT: In the Westside, a 31-year-old man said his baby mama came over to get her belongings from his home. Conveniently, he'd already put her stuff all over his front yard. Enraged, the baby mama grabbed a broom and clobbered the man's hand, leaving a bloody cut.

After the broom smackdown, the man allegedly retaliated by throwing a bucket full of paint and urine all over his baby mamma. (No explanation of why a bucket filled with paint and urine happened to be nearby.) The woman had paint in her hair, as well as on her arms and shirt. Plus, the tangy aroma of urine wafted from both the man and woman.

The officer arrested both the man and baby mama on battery charges and took the stinky pair to jail.

SHIT STORM COMETH: A woman parked her car outside her home in the Westside. Around 2 a.m., long after she went to sleep, the woman heard a loud noise followed by what sounded like young people laughing. The next morning, the woman looked outside and saw a "soiled commode" smashed into her car. The filthy toilet left severe damage to her car's roof and front windshield. Cops asked the woman for any possible suspects. She said she had no clue why anyone would smash her car with a toilet. The cop talked to the woman's neighbors and noted, "The next-door neighbor advised that the commode [had] been laying on the pavement for days, but never got picked up."

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Southern culture on the skids



GONE WITH THE WIND: A 32-year-old woman was urinating outside a bar in East Atlanta. A cop walked over for a chat. "During the conversation, [the woman] said she'd had two alcoholic drinks and that she's a Southern girl who is accustomed to urinating wherever she pleases," the cop wrote. Then the woman spontaneously said, "Take me to jail!" The officer arrested her for public urination and put her in his patrol car. Apparently, she really does believe Southern girls can pee wherever they want. En route to jail, the cop noted that the woman "urinated in the back of the patrol car." The woman hails from Milan, Ga., a small town between Cordele and Vidalia. Population: fewer than 700.

TRUCKER DELUXE: A 22-year-old from Athens, Ga., posted an ad on Craigslist to sell his iPhone and received an offer from an unusual man. The 22-year-old agreed to meet the man outside a McDonald's on Northside Drive to complete the sale. The man had a silhouette of a naked woman shaved onto the side of his head. The 22-year-old told police, it's "the same kind of naked woman silhouette that is commonly seen on truck mud flaps."

Undeterred, the 22-year-old decided to go ahead with the deal. He handed over the iPhone and the man gave him a stack of 12 $50 bills and drove away. Moments later, the 22-year-old realized all 12 $50 bills were counterfeit and tried to chase the man. Alas, the man was long gone. Note: Never do business with anyone who has body illustrations "commonly seen on truck mud flaps."

DECORUM DISCORD: A Las Vegas man visiting Atlanta called police about the dress code at a Buckhead restaurant. The Vegas man said the restaurant manager asked him to remove his hat before dining at the restaurant, but he refused. The manager said it was a standing policy for all patrons to dine without hats and pointed to a decorum sign posted at the entrance. Outraged, the Las Vegas man called police. A cop dutifully went to the restaurant and wrote a report about the incident. The cop told the Las Vegas man that the hat matter is not a crime; the restaurant can require patrons to dine without hats. The cop said the Vegas man could pursue the hat spat by taking it up as a civil dispute in court.

FEELING SAUCY: A 55-year-old man drove a food delivery truck to a warehouse on Southside Industrial Parkway. Apparently, it was closed when he arrived, so the man decided to sleep overnight in his truck in the parking lot. As the man slept, someone cut the lock on his trailer and stole 73 cases of Vidalia Sauce. The man woke up in time to see the suspects driving away in a white Jeep.

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Music madness



DIRT ROAD ANTHEM: A man called 911 because a bloody young man "wearing a flannel shirt and blue jeans" was in his backyard trying to open his back door. A cop found an 18-year-old Alpharetta man "standing by the rear door with what appeared to be blood on his face and shirt," the cop noted. The Alpharetta man said the last thing he remembered was arriving at a concert at Aaron's Amphitheatre at Lakewood (Jason Aldean and Florida Georgia Line performed that night). After that, everything was a blur.

"He had no idea where he was or whose house he was at," the cop noted. Apparently, after the show, the Alpharetta man hiked about two miles to get to the stranger's house. The cop searched the Alpharetta man and found four fake ID cards. The suspect said the fake IDs were for buying alcohol since he's only 18 years old. He went to jail, charged with prowling, trespassing, and false identification.

ONE NIGHT CAN LAST FOREVER: An Atlanta musician said he met a woman and had a "sexual encounter" with her that same night. The man alleges that, since then, the woman has harassed him with threats of blackmail and has called and texted him more than 40 times a day. The man said he's scared because the woman is a felon with an extensive criminal record. He says the woman even called a family member to track him down. The man said he is scared for "his life, and his guitars and other equipment."

DANCE-HALL DAZE: Trouble broke out on the dance floor of a local dance club. According to a security guard, a 22-year-old man "head-butted" a middle-aged Marietta man on the dance floor. Moments later, the middle-aged man staggered off the dance floor with his friends' help, bleeding from a large gash under his right eye.

The cop asked the man what triggered the head-butt. The middle-aged man said he was dancing with a lovely lady when the 22-year-old cut in front of him. The Marietta man politely asked him to get the heck out of his dance space, and the 22-year-old reared back and used his head as a weapon. The 22-year-old denied head-butting anyone, but security guards and dance-floor witnesses said otherwise. He went to jail for "striking another in the face with his head."

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Cops do weird stuff



SNOTTY SITUATION: In the Westside, an undercover cop was working a vice operation when a 31-year-old woman approached him. "She asked me was I looking for a date and I said yes," the officer wrote. "She said it would cost $40 and I said that's cool." The woman opened the car door and hopped inside. The officer noted: "Once inside my vehicle, I asked her what can I do for $40 and [she] said we can have sex, oral sex, but no anal sex. I asked her if she eats boogers during sex and she just looked at me and said no. I then asked her if it was OK for me to eat my boogers when I cum and she said that it was up to me." The woman allegedly agreed to $40 for oral sex and intercourse. The cop took the woman to jail for prostitution.

SCRIBBLE RAGE: Near Freedom Park, a white-bearded man in a checkered shirt was hurling garbage cans onto Ralph McGill Boulevard. The bearded man stomped from yard to yard while screaming violently as he grabbed trash cans and tossed them into the street. A neighbor shouted that he was going to call the police, and the white-bearded man ran toward Freedom Park.

A cop found the bearded man in the park, "dragging large fallen tree branches into the roadway and throwing large broken pieces of concrete curb in the roadway," the cop wrote. "He rambled something to me about how he was just trying to help."

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The cop asked the man for his name. Apparently, the cop had forgotten his trusty note pad, so he scribbled the name on his hand. Outraged and stunned, the bearded man yelled, "That's what note pads are for!" The bearded man refused to talk or give any more biographical information since the officer didn't have a note pad to write on. Plus, the bearded man kicked the cop in the calf as he went to jail for disorderly conduct.

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Dumb and dumber



FAILED CITIZEN INVESTIGATOR OF THE YEAR: In the West End, a 53-year-old woman was walking to a grocery store when she had an eerie experience. A flash of toes poking out from a pile of dirt caught her eye. Peering closer, the woman saw "an object resembling a baby foot in the dirt" that was freshly plowed outside a home. She proceeded to move toward the object, picked it up — ick! — and rushed to the grocery store. Frantic, the woman clutched the foot and called police.

"[The woman] said she was very concerned because she thought a baby could have possibly been buried at the location," an officer wrote. Police and a medical examiner rushed to the scene and carefully examined the foot. The medical examiner "determined the object was a white porcelain baby foot, not human remains."

FIANCÉE OF THE YEAR: A 30-year-old man said he and his fiancée keep getting into arguments due to her hormone imbalance from the birth-control pills she is taking. In the latest spat, the man said his fiancée took things to a new extreme. The fiancée allegedly bit the man on his forearm, leaving a cut and a bunch of scratches. The man said his fiancée also smashed a bunch of stuff around their house.

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Then the cop spoke with the fiancée — a 25-year-old woman — who confirmed that, (A) yes, she's taking birth control pills and, (B) yes, she's been acting differently since she started taking the pills. She admitted that she did go berserk earlier and bit her fiancé's arm due to her "uncontrollable hormones," the officer wrote. The woman went to jail and was charged with aggravated assault.

STUPID THIEF OF THE YEAR: In Ormewood Park, a Georgia Tech student said she left her apartment to go work out. When she returned, she tugged on her front door but the locks were severely damaged. She rushed to the back door and went inside. Her apartment had been ransacked. On a wall near the front door, someone scrawled this note complete with a smiley face: "James was here! ... I found you!"

Immediately, the woman called police. A cop looked around and asked if the woman knew anyone named James. She said no.

The woman said her "piggy bank dressed up as police" was smashed to pieces and $30 cash was stolen. Other missing items: two flat-screen TVs, a cable box, DVR, her guitar, her Georgia Tech book bag with wheels, 10 white towels, 10 pink towels, 10 green towels, toothpaste, tissue, and food from her refrigerator. Apparently, "James" not only robbed the wrong house, he also left behind blatant clues to his identity: The officer lifted five suspicious fingerprints from the front door, doorknobs, and the refrigerator.

STUPID STONER OF THE YEAR: In Downtown, a cop pulled up to police headquarters on Peachtree Street. In plain view, a stoned 21-year-old man was sitting on "the steps of police headquarters, where there are 'NO Sitting' and 'NO Trespassing' and 'NO Loitering' signs posted," the cop wrote. In his right hand, the man clutched a "blunt cigarillo" commonly used for smoking marijuana. "I smelled a strong odor of raw marijuana coming from his person," the cop noted.

Upon spotting the uniformed cop, the 21-year-old voluntarily began to empty out his pockets. The man "gave me his wallet and I felt a bulge in his wallet," the cop noted. Inside the man's wallet, the cop found a bag of suspected weed, so the cop tried to handcuff the 21-year-old. The stoner tried to resist arrest by stretching out on the steps of police headquarters. No surprise, his resistance was futile. It was probably the easiest marijuana bust in APD history — on the steps of police headquarters.



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  string(5002) "NATURE LOVES A LOCKDOWN: A wild turkey was spotted in East Atlanta Village (probably headed to the Earl for Wild Turkey shots). Peacocks roamed freely in Kirkwood. And in Decatur? One neighborhood denizen wrote, “The Dude on South McDonough a half hour ago, directing traffic so a turtle could cross the road — is exactly the hero Decatur needs right now — he low-key won the day.”

Another Decatur resident responded: “Nice. The last time I helped a turtle in the middle of E. Davis, by putting him on the side of the street he was heading to, he peed on me.”

JUST OUT FOR A JOG: In Lawrenceville, a 14-year-old African-American male says he was out running for exercise in his subdivision when he was accosted by two white males. He said the men in a silver 4-door car pulled alongside him and yelled extremely derogatory insults, before spitting on his arm. During a pandemic.

The 14-year-old says: “It was very disturbing that I had someone’s bodily fluid on my arm.”

The teen adds: “They yelled things like ‘You’re poor!’ and ‘Go back to your ‘hood.’ They also used racial slurs to describe me.”

The 14-year-old’s mother says her son was instructed by his football coach to start running to prepare for the upcoming football season.

DECATUR DICKHEAD: About 30 people decided to hold a Black Lives Matter protest on a street corner in Decatur, holding up signs.

“For the most part, we were greeted with signs of support — from honks to thumbs up!” reports one protest organizer. “Towards the end, an older (white) man drove by while yelling that we were ignorant.” About two minutes later, the older white man showed up on foot at the protest “and started using the N-word,” reports the protest organizer. “Not afraid of a good fight, I let him know I wasn’t afraid of his ignorant rants. Then, he got ugly. This man got in my face and spit on me. Twice. He then yelled, ‘I have the COVID-19.’

The spitter wore a T-shirt that read: “Math Counts.”

That wasn’t all. A fellow organizer followed the older white guy to his car, intending to snap a pic of his license plate. “When the man saw him taking a photo, he shouted, “I’ll shoot you, N-lover. Why don’t you suck a N-dick?” 

The older white man lives in Decatur. Yes, Decatur. The land of hemp clothes and yoga. He wore plaid shorts, that t-shirt, and a white baseball cap.

The protest organizer posted photos of the man (and his license plate) on Facebook. “I have called the police,” he says. “This man belongs in jail.”

MESSAGING MALFUNCTION: In Buckhead, a restaurant called OK CAFÉ displayed a perplexing banner during a recent student-led march called Buckhead4BlackLives.

The banner, proudly displayed across the restaurant’s storefront, read in huge letters: “LIVES THAT MATTER ARE MADE WITH POSITIVE PURPOSE,” alongside a booth that read “OK Café Tea Party.”

A Georgia Tech student organizer of the march says, “It’s such cryptic wording that we feel like they were trying to step around it, while not actually saying ‘All Lives Matter.’”

Other signs displayed at OK Café include: “Law & Order = Peace,” “OK Café Loves America,” and “We Support the Georgia Police Force.”

The restaurant’s female co-owner — when quizzed by food and dining network Eater about her controversial signage  — had this to say via email:

“The mass and unhinged violence and destruction of business across America was purposeless, anti-American and destroyed the concept of law and order. A message of positive purpose needed to be said. I hope to see many similar messages posted too as Business is the glue of our free society.”

The Blotter Diva says, Shove it, lady. If “Business” (with a capital  is the glue of our free society … then, we’re all about to come unglued. Quickly.

THIS IS FUCKING POST-GEORGE FLOYD AMERICA: A police officer held two African-American boys (ages 13 and 15) at gunpoint in Clayton County.

Police say the boys showed them a BB gun hidden in the bushes — and it looked like a real semi-automatic pistol.

One person standing nearby was heard pleading with the officers: “Please sir, don’t shoot. They’re kids. What did they do?”

Another person cried out, “Why you got a gun out?”

The officer replied, “Because I’m being safe.”

The boys’ mother says: “If this community in Clayton County didn’t come out for them, I wonder if one of these boys wouldn’t have made it home. … These kids were shadow-boxing near the convenience store, playing with each other as kids do. The community begged the officer to put his gun away. Police harassment is real!!! A gun before a Taser on black CHILDREN?”

The 15-year-old says: “I thought I was going to die. Because you see all these black kids dying.”

Community activists are calling for the Clayton County police officer to be fired. —CL—"
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  string(5038) "__NATURE LOVES A LOCKDOWN__: A wild turkey was spotted in East Atlanta Village (probably headed to the Earl for Wild Turkey shots). Peacocks roamed freely in Kirkwood. And in Decatur? One neighborhood denizen wrote, “The Dude on South McDonough a half hour ago, directing traffic so a turtle could cross the road — is exactly the hero Decatur needs right now — he low-key won the day.”

Another Decatur resident responded: “Nice. The last time I helped a turtle in the middle of E. Davis, by putting him on the side of the street he was heading to, he peed on me.”

__JUST OUT FOR A JOG:__ In Lawrenceville, a 14-year-old African-American male says he was out running for exercise in his subdivision when he was accosted by two white males. He said the men in a silver 4-door car pulled alongside him and yelled extremely derogatory insults, before spitting on his arm. During a pandemic.

The 14-year-old says: “It was very disturbing that I had someone’s bodily fluid on my arm.”

The teen adds: “They yelled things like ‘You’re poor!’ and ‘Go back to your ‘hood.’ They also used racial slurs to describe me.”

The 14-year-old’s mother says her son was instructed by his football coach to start running to prepare for the upcoming football season.

__DECATUR DICKHEAD__'':'' About 30 people decided to hold a Black Lives Matter protest on a street corner in Decatur, holding up signs.

“For the most part, we were greeted with signs of support — from honks to thumbs up!” reports one protest organizer. “Towards the end, an older (white) man drove by while yelling that we were ignorant.” About two minutes later, the older white man showed up on foot at the protest “and started using the N-word,” reports the protest organizer. “Not afraid of a good fight, I let him know I wasn’t afraid of his ignorant rants. Then, he got ugly. This man got in my face and spit on me. Twice. He then yelled, ‘I have the COVID-19.’

The spitter wore a T-shirt that read: “Math Counts.”

That wasn’t all. A fellow organizer followed the older white guy to his car, intending to snap a pic of his license plate. “When the man saw him taking a photo, he shouted, “I’ll shoot you, N-lover. Why don’t you suck a N-dick?” 

The older white man lives in Decatur. Yes, Decatur. The land of hemp clothes and yoga. He wore plaid shorts, that t-shirt, and a white baseball cap.

The protest organizer posted photos of the man (and his license plate) on Facebook. “I have called the police,” he says. “This man belongs in jail.”

__MESSAGING MALFUNCTION:__ In Buckhead, a restaurant called OK CAFÉ displayed a perplexing banner during a recent student-led march called Buckhead4BlackLives.

The banner, proudly displayed across the restaurant’s storefront, read in huge letters: “LIVES THAT MATTER ARE MADE WITH POSITIVE PURPOSE,” alongside a booth that read “OK Café Tea Party.”

A Georgia Tech student organizer of the march says, “It’s such cryptic wording that we feel like they were trying to step around it, while not actually saying ‘All Lives Matter.’”

Other signs displayed at OK Café include: “Law & Order = Peace,” “OK Café Loves America,” and “We Support the Georgia Police Force.”

The restaurant’s female co-owner — when quizzed by food and dining network Eater about her controversial signage  — had this to say via email:

“The mass and unhinged violence and destruction of business across America was purposeless, anti-American and destroyed the concept of law and order. A message of positive purpose needed to be said. I hope to see many similar messages posted too as Business is the glue of our free society.”

The Blotter Diva says, Shove it, lady. If “Business” (with a capital (:cool:) is the glue of our free society … then, we’re all about to come unglued. Quickly.

__THIS IS FUCKING POST-GEORGE FLOYD AMERICA:__ A police officer held two African-American boys (ages 13 and 15) at gunpoint in Clayton County.

Police say the boys showed them a BB gun hidden in the bushes — and it looked like a real semi-automatic pistol.

One person standing nearby was heard pleading with the officers: “Please sir, don’t shoot. They’re kids. What did they do?”

Another person cried out, “Why you got a gun out?”

The officer replied, “Because I’m being safe.”

The boys’ mother says: “If this community in Clayton County didn’t come out for them, I wonder if one of these boys wouldn’t have made it home. … These kids were shadow-boxing near the convenience store, playing with each other as kids do. The community begged the officer to put his gun away. Police harassment is real!!! A gun before a Taser on black CHILDREN?”

The 15-year-old says: “I thought I was going to die. Because you see all these black kids dying.”

Community activists are calling for the Clayton County police officer to be fired. __—CL—__"
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  string(5446) " 0720 Blot Final Resized Web  2020-06-30T19:23:10+00:00 0720-blot-final_resized_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 31908  2020-06-30T15:57:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Animals in the street and roaming jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING Lauren Keating 2020-06-30T15:57:00+00:00  NATURE LOVES A LOCKDOWN: A wild turkey was spotted in East Atlanta Village (probably headed to the Earl for Wild Turkey shots). Peacocks roamed freely in Kirkwood. And in Decatur? One neighborhood denizen wrote, “The Dude on South McDonough a half hour ago, directing traffic so a turtle could cross the road — is exactly the hero Decatur needs right now — he low-key won the day.”

Another Decatur resident responded: “Nice. The last time I helped a turtle in the middle of E. Davis, by putting him on the side of the street he was heading to, he peed on me.”

JUST OUT FOR A JOG: In Lawrenceville, a 14-year-old African-American male says he was out running for exercise in his subdivision when he was accosted by two white males. He said the men in a silver 4-door car pulled alongside him and yelled extremely derogatory insults, before spitting on his arm. During a pandemic.

The 14-year-old says: “It was very disturbing that I had someone’s bodily fluid on my arm.”

The teen adds: “They yelled things like ‘You’re poor!’ and ‘Go back to your ‘hood.’ They also used racial slurs to describe me.”

The 14-year-old’s mother says her son was instructed by his football coach to start running to prepare for the upcoming football season.

DECATUR DICKHEAD: About 30 people decided to hold a Black Lives Matter protest on a street corner in Decatur, holding up signs.

“For the most part, we were greeted with signs of support — from honks to thumbs up!” reports one protest organizer. “Towards the end, an older (white) man drove by while yelling that we were ignorant.” About two minutes later, the older white man showed up on foot at the protest “and started using the N-word,” reports the protest organizer. “Not afraid of a good fight, I let him know I wasn’t afraid of his ignorant rants. Then, he got ugly. This man got in my face and spit on me. Twice. He then yelled, ‘I have the COVID-19.’

The spitter wore a T-shirt that read: “Math Counts.”

That wasn’t all. A fellow organizer followed the older white guy to his car, intending to snap a pic of his license plate. “When the man saw him taking a photo, he shouted, “I’ll shoot you, N-lover. Why don’t you suck a N-dick?” 

The older white man lives in Decatur. Yes, Decatur. The land of hemp clothes and yoga. He wore plaid shorts, that t-shirt, and a white baseball cap.

The protest organizer posted photos of the man (and his license plate) on Facebook. “I have called the police,” he says. “This man belongs in jail.”

MESSAGING MALFUNCTION: In Buckhead, a restaurant called OK CAFÉ displayed a perplexing banner during a recent student-led march called Buckhead4BlackLives.

The banner, proudly displayed across the restaurant’s storefront, read in huge letters: “LIVES THAT MATTER ARE MADE WITH POSITIVE PURPOSE,” alongside a booth that read “OK Café Tea Party.”

A Georgia Tech student organizer of the march says, “It’s such cryptic wording that we feel like they were trying to step around it, while not actually saying ‘All Lives Matter.’”

Other signs displayed at OK Café include: “Law & Order = Peace,” “OK Café Loves America,” and “We Support the Georgia Police Force.”

The restaurant’s female co-owner — when quizzed by food and dining network Eater about her controversial signage  — had this to say via email:

“The mass and unhinged violence and destruction of business across America was purposeless, anti-American and destroyed the concept of law and order. A message of positive purpose needed to be said. I hope to see many similar messages posted too as Business is the glue of our free society.”

The Blotter Diva says, Shove it, lady. If “Business” (with a capital  is the glue of our free society … then, we’re all about to come unglued. Quickly.

THIS IS FUCKING POST-GEORGE FLOYD AMERICA: A police officer held two African-American boys (ages 13 and 15) at gunpoint in Clayton County.

Police say the boys showed them a BB gun hidden in the bushes — and it looked like a real semi-automatic pistol.

One person standing nearby was heard pleading with the officers: “Please sir, don’t shoot. They’re kids. What did they do?”

Another person cried out, “Why you got a gun out?”

The officer replied, “Because I’m being safe.”

The boys’ mother says: “If this community in Clayton County didn’t come out for them, I wonder if one of these boys wouldn’t have made it home. … These kids were shadow-boxing near the convenience store, playing with each other as kids do. The community begged the officer to put his gun away. Police harassment is real!!! A gun before a Taser on black CHILDREN?”

The 15-year-old says: “I thought I was going to die. Because you see all these black kids dying.”

Community activists are calling for the Clayton County police officer to be fired. —CL—    Illustration: Tray Butler   0,0,10    theblotter                             THE BLOTTER: Animals in the street and roaming "
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Police Blotter

Tuesday June 30, 2020 11:57 am EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(4275) "PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(4319) "__PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1:__ Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. ''Newsweek'' magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

__KNOCKED UP:__ A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

__SHAKE IT, SUGAR:__ A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

__CONTAGIOUS VIBES:__ In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

__JURASSIC PARK DUO:__ Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a ''Tyrannosaurus rex''; the second a ''Stegosaurus''. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

__PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2:__ A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —__CL__—

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(4695) " 0520blot Cough V3 Web  2020-05-11T17:05:39+00:00 0520blot-cough-v3_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 31010  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: The ‘coughing bandit’ strikes jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00  PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10    theblotter                             THE BLOTTER: The ‘coughing bandit’ strikes "
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Police Blotter

Friday May 1, 2020 12:05 am EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7249) "In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(7544) "In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the [https://www.kgw.com/article/news/local/the-story/newport-police-ask-residents-not-to-call-911-over-toilet-paper-shortages/283-159f5b17-f923-41cf-b5f0-52fb187baf96|police department in Newport, Oregon] got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on [https://www.facebook.com/NewportPolice/photos/a.10150611383469944/10151320061939944/?type=3&theater|Facebook]. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

__ALL THAT GLITTERS:__ One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

__REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS:__ A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

__MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS:__ Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

__GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN!__ In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

__CHIP ON THE SHOULDER?__ In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

__BITTER FRUIT:__ On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

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  string(7682) " 0420 Blot TP Final Web  2020-04-10T20:11:05+00:00 0420_blot-TP-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 30525  2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00  In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   -84.4236492,33.7008587,15  The Blotter: All That Glitters  blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! "
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Police Blotter

Friday April 10, 2020 04:05 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...

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  string(6083) "A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET:__ At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II:__ A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

__HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT:__ In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

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__VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE?__ In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

__STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK:__ Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

__BITCH OF THE MONTH:__ A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). __—CL—__

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  string(6510) " 0320blot Plant Fight Final Web  2020-03-02T18:19:47+00:00 0320blot-plant-fight-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 29578  2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00  A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10   cl-issue-march-2020 blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest "
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Police Blotter

Monday March 2, 2020 01:18 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(9946) "PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(9978) "P__UTTIN’ ON THE RITZ:__ Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1:__ Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

__ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH:__ A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

__THE EX FILES:__ Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

__BITCH WITH A DOG:__ A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

__PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE:__ A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II:__ A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. __— CL —__ 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(10331) " 0220blot Winter Moon 01  2020-02-04T20:48:19+00:00 0220blot-winter-moon-01.jpg     And other tales of life in the ATL 28530  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it will.cardwell@gmail.com Will Cardwell LAUREN KEATING  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00  PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,1                                 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it "
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Police Blotter

Tuesday February 4, 2020 02:03 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(8753) "You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING: A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING: In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO: A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!: One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING: A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON: A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP: In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID: In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.
blotter_jan20"
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  string(8806) "You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

__RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING:__ A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

__RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING:__ In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

__RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO:__ A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

__RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!:__ One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

__RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS__: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

__RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING:__ A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

__RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON:__ A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

__RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP:__ In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

__RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID:__ In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  __—CL—__

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''
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  string(9175) " 0120 Blot Slots Final Web  2020-01-03T15:35:31+00:00 0120-blot-slots-final_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 27178  2020-01-01T15:33:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Resolutions for the hell of it jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2020-01-01T15:33:00+00:00  You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING: A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING: In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO: A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!: One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING: A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON: A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP: In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID: In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.
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Police Blotter

Wednesday January 1, 2020 10:33 am EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7443) "JOKER SEQUEL, ATL-STYLE: A woman was returning home from the West End Kroger to her condo on Donnelly Avenue. As she walked down the driveway toward her building, a thin man dressed as the “Joker” from the Batman movie franchise jumped out of the bushes near her door.

The skinny Joker was “wearing white paint on his face, red lipstick, and a pink wig with long hair,” according to the police report.

Homegrown Joker never spoke a single word. He just grabbed the woman’s black Calvin Klein purse from her shoulder. The woman “attempted to hold onto the purse strap,” and that’s when she got a small cut on her finger.

The woman said the Joker “ran back into the bushes” with her purse. She believes he used a cut-through route to escape into some neighboring apartments.

Missing items from the woman’s purse included a Visa card “with a picture of Betty Boop on it,” the cop noted. Yes, a Betty Boop credit card, stolen by the Joker.

TOO MUCH EGG NOG AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY? A boyfriend-girlfriend couple in their 20s were hanging out in their Midtown apartment on 14th Street, when suddenly they heard weird noises outside. It was late and they weren’t expecting any visitors, so they got spooked and called police, worried about a potential robbery.

Three cops responded and started searching the couple’s apartment — finding nothing amiss inside. Then, police checked the outside balcony: Bingo! Sitting on the balcony, a 27-year-old man wearing only his underwear … with a half-empty bottle of vodka next to him.

Cops asked: What the heck are you doing in your underwear on this balcony?

Underwear Man responded, “I guess I had too much to drink and entered the wrong apartment. I’m sorry.”

However, the Midtown couple decided to be super-cool about finding a drunk stranger wearing underwear on their balcony: They decided not to press charges.

Atlanta police were not as forgiving. They charged Underwear Man with disorderly conduct under the influence — and took him to jail. Which seems a bit unfair. Hopefully, Underwear Man got a few more clothing items before cops tossed him in the holding cell.

WILY COUGAR ESCAPES: A brouhaha broke out at the Mac Cosmetics store in Ponce City Market. A 22-year-old man strolled in with a woman 10 years his senior (age 32). They both started yelling, “Ohhhh, we in the fucking Mac Store!” so loudly that other shoppers turned and stared. 

Then, the 32-year-old woman took it up a notch. Suddenly, she “spit in the face” of the Mac store’s assistant manager — and took off running. However, her young Boy Toy stayed behind and didn’t run away. So when a police officer arrived, he charged the 22-year-old man with disorderly conduct. Oh, those wily cougar getaways, leaving behind their young pranksters ….

NAKED SMELLY MAN SCREAMING: An officer responded to a fight call near Grady Hospital on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. “Upon arrival, I was abruptly met by an irate male running up to my patrol car and attempting to jump into the back seat,” the cop noted. “He was screaming erratically and bleeding from the left side of his forehead, and saying that I was trying to kill him.”

The screaming man ”walked up extremely close to me,” just so the cop could get a strong whiff of his boozy breath.

“He continued to behave in a concerning manner as he requested for me to kill him, several times — and then proceeded to remove all his clothing to expose his bare body, from his neck to his knees,” the cop noted. “Due to his erratic behavior, multiple backup police units had to come to my aid” to coral the Mostly Naked Man and walk him just one block to Grady Detention Center, located across the street. 

STRONG CONDOMNATION: In the Kirkwood neighborhood, an outraged 41-year-old woman flagged down an officer patrolling the streets. She said around 4 a.m. she went to a vacant home on Kirkwood Avenue “where most of the homeless people in the neighborhood be at” and knocked on the front door repeatedly. Apparently, she hangs out there on a regular basis.

Finally, a man responded to her persistent knocks. Opening the door, he said the 41-year-old woman absolutely could NOT come inside, because during her last visit, she’d left several messy, used condoms in a bedroom. Then, the man pushed her out of the doorway and slammed the front door closed.

The woman was stunned and pissed. But what exactly did she want police to do about this condom clash? Well, that’s unclear.

The cop simply filed a report outlining the woman’s beef. Nothing more. 

CONDOM CLASH, PART II: A naked 37-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were fornicating between the sheets at a Midtown apartment on 19th Street. Suddenly, the woman noticed the man wasn’t wearing a condom. So she punched him in the face. Stunned, the man called police. “He said they usually have unprotected sex, and that he did not know it would be an issue when he realized the condom was not on,” the reporting cop noted. The man didn’t want to press charges against the woman for punching him … but he DID want police to make her leave his apartment. Both parties confirmed the sex was totally consensual — and that they were completely shitfaced drunk. The woman even “showed me text messages from (the guy) suggesting they would have intercourse as soon as she arrived,” the cop noted. The woman also refused to press any charges … and very willingly left the guy’s apartment.

DRUNK GIRL DOES FASHION CATWALK STRUT: A cop saw a black Chrysler 200 speeding and weaving on I-85 South. He activated his blue lights and siren and tried to stop the car at the Williams Street exit. “The vehicle continued south to Freedom Parkway, then to Boulevard, before finally stopping on Cain Street,“ the cop noted.

The driver, a 26-year-old Decatur woman, opened her door and stumbled out, stating she had to pee. She admitted she was “buzzed.”

“She was wearing high-heeled boots, which I recommended she remove for the subsequent field sobriety tests,” the cop noted. “(She) had to balance herself on me and I had to help her pull her shoes off.” The woman promptly failed the Walk-and-Turn test.

“After I gave her instructions for the One-Leg Stand, she began performing the Walk-and-Turn test again in a ‘runway model fashion’ and started dancing in front of my patrol car,” the cop noted.

Then, she flunked the Breathalyzer exam and attempted to “bite the card out of my hand to stop me from reading” the implied consent statement, the cop recalled.

The Decatur woman went to jail and demanded to pee twice more within 30 minutes. Nothing further.

WISDOM DOESN’T ALWAYS COME WITH AGE: In Southwest Atlanta, a man said he returned home at 3 a.m. from a night of revelry celebrating his 40th birthday. He parked his black Cadillac Escalade outside his home on Veltre Circle and went to sleep. “When he returned to his vehicle at 8 a.m. the next morning, he noticed all his vehicle doors were wide open,” a cop noted. “Upon further inspection, he noticed he was missing three rifles, a handgun, and his wallet.” The man said he believed he forgot to lock his car doors after returning home from his birthday bash. -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(7491) "J__OKER SEQUEL, ATL-STYLE:__ A woman was returning home from the West End Kroger to her condo on Donnelly Avenue. As she walked down the driveway toward her building, a thin man dressed as the “Joker” from the Batman movie franchise jumped out of the bushes near her door.

The skinny Joker was “wearing white paint on his face, red lipstick, and a pink wig with long hair,” according to the police report.

Homegrown Joker never spoke a single word. He just grabbed the woman’s black Calvin Klein purse from her shoulder. The woman “attempted to hold onto the purse strap,” and that’s when she got a small cut on her finger.

The woman said the Joker “ran back into the bushes” with her purse. She believes he used a cut-through route to escape into some neighboring apartments.

Missing items from the woman’s purse included a Visa card “with a picture of Betty Boop on it,” the cop noted. Yes, a Betty Boop credit card, stolen by the Joker.

__TOO MUCH EGG NOG AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY?__ A boyfriend-girlfriend couple in their 20s were hanging out in their Midtown apartment on 14th Street, when suddenly they heard weird noises outside. It was late and they weren’t expecting any visitors, so they got spooked and called police, worried about a potential robbery.

Three cops responded and started searching the couple’s apartment — finding nothing amiss inside. Then, police checked the outside balcony: Bingo! Sitting on the balcony, a 27-year-old man wearing only his underwear … with a half-empty bottle of vodka next to him.

Cops asked: ''What the heck are you doing in your underwear on this balcony?''

Underwear Man responded, “I guess I had too much to drink and entered the wrong apartment. I’m sorry.”

However, the Midtown couple decided to be super-cool about finding a drunk stranger wearing underwear on their balcony: They decided not to press charges.

Atlanta police were not as forgiving. They charged Underwear Man with disorderly conduct under the influence — and took him to jail. Which seems a bit unfair. Hopefully, Underwear Man got a few more clothing items before cops tossed him in the holding cell.

__WILY COUGAR ESCAPES:__ A brouhaha broke out at the Mac Cosmetics store in Ponce City Market. A 22-year-old man strolled in with a woman 10 years his senior (age 32). They both started yelling, “Ohhhh, we in the fucking Mac Store!” so loudly that other shoppers turned and stared. 

Then, the 32-year-old woman took it up a notch. Suddenly, she “spit in the face” of the Mac store’s assistant manager — and took off running. However, her young Boy Toy stayed behind and didn’t run away. So when a police officer arrived, he charged the 22-year-old man with disorderly conduct. Oh, those wily cougar getaways, leaving behind their young pranksters ….

__NAKED SMELLY MAN SCREAMING:__ An officer responded to a fight call near Grady Hospital on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. “Upon arrival, I was abruptly met by an irate male running up to my patrol car and attempting to jump into the back seat,” the cop noted. “He was screaming erratically and bleeding from the left side of his forehead, and saying that I was trying to kill him.”

The screaming man ”walked up extremely close to me,” just so the cop could get a strong whiff of his boozy breath.

“He continued to behave in a concerning manner as he requested for me to kill him, several times — and then proceeded to remove all his clothing to expose his bare body, from his neck to his knees,” the cop noted. “Due to his erratic behavior, multiple backup police units had to come to my aid” to coral the Mostly Naked Man and walk him just one block to Grady Detention Center, located across the street. 

__STRONG CONDOMNATION:__ In the Kirkwood neighborhood, an outraged 41-year-old woman flagged down an officer patrolling the streets. She said around 4 a.m. she went to a vacant home on Kirkwood Avenue “where most of the homeless people in the neighborhood be at” and knocked on the front door repeatedly. Apparently, she hangs out there on a regular basis.

Finally, a man responded to her persistent knocks. Opening the door, he said the 41-year-old woman absolutely could NOT come inside, because during her last visit, she’d left several messy, used condoms in a bedroom. Then, the man pushed her out of the doorway and slammed the front door closed.

The woman was stunned and pissed. But what exactly did she want police to do about this ''condom clash''? Well, that’s unclear.

The cop simply filed a report outlining the woman’s beef. Nothing more. 

__CONDOM CLASH, PART II:__ A naked 37-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were fornicating between the sheets at a Midtown apartment on 19th Street. Suddenly, the woman noticed the man wasn’t wearing a condom. So she punched him in the face. Stunned, the man called police. “He said they usually have unprotected sex, and that he did not know it would be an issue when he realized the condom was not on,” the reporting cop noted. The man didn’t want to press charges against the woman for punching him … but he DID want police to make her leave his apartment. Both parties confirmed the sex was totally consensual — and that they were completely shitfaced drunk. The woman even “showed me text messages from (the guy) suggesting they would have intercourse as soon as she arrived,” the cop noted. The woman also refused to press any charges … and very willingly left the guy’s apartment.

__DRUNK GIRL DOES FASHION CATWALK STRUT:__ A cop saw a black Chrysler 200 speeding and weaving on I-85 South. He activated his blue lights and siren and tried to stop the car at the Williams Street exit. “The vehicle continued south to Freedom Parkway, then to Boulevard, before finally stopping on Cain Street,“ the cop noted.

The driver, a 26-year-old Decatur woman, opened her door and stumbled out, stating she had to pee. She admitted she was “buzzed.”

“She was wearing high-heeled boots, which I recommended she remove for the subsequent field sobriety tests,” the cop noted. “(She) had to balance herself on me and I had to help her pull her shoes off.” The woman promptly failed the Walk-and-Turn test.

“After I gave her instructions for the One-Leg Stand, she began performing the Walk-and-Turn test again in a ‘runway model fashion’ and started dancing in front of my patrol car,” the cop noted.

Then, she flunked the Breathalyzer exam and attempted to “bite the card out of my hand to stop me from reading” the implied consent statement, the cop recalled.

The Decatur woman went to jail and demanded to pee twice more within 30 minutes. Nothing further.

__WISDOM DOESN’T ALWAYS COME WITH AGE:__ In Southwest Atlanta, a man said he returned home at 3 a.m. from a night of revelry celebrating his 40th birthday. He parked his black Cadillac Escalade outside his home on Veltre Circle and went to sleep. “When he returned to his vehicle at 8 a.m. the next morning, he noticed all his vehicle doors were wide open,” a cop noted. “Upon further inspection, he noticed he was missing three rifles, a handgun, and his wallet.” The man said he believed he forgot to lock his car doors after returning home from his birthday bash. __-CL-__

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  string(7912) " 1219 Blot Joker Final WEB  2019-12-03T22:19:43+00:00 1219-blot-joker-final-WEB.jpg   man that sorry story about stilettos and sobriety hill larious!!!!!! blotter theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 26533  2019-12-03T22:19:29+00:00 THE BLOTTER: The Joker on the run jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2019-12-03T22:19:29+00:00  JOKER SEQUEL, ATL-STYLE: A woman was returning home from the West End Kroger to her condo on Donnelly Avenue. As she walked down the driveway toward her building, a thin man dressed as the “Joker” from the Batman movie franchise jumped out of the bushes near her door.

The skinny Joker was “wearing white paint on his face, red lipstick, and a pink wig with long hair,” according to the police report.

Homegrown Joker never spoke a single word. He just grabbed the woman’s black Calvin Klein purse from her shoulder. The woman “attempted to hold onto the purse strap,” and that’s when she got a small cut on her finger.

The woman said the Joker “ran back into the bushes” with her purse. She believes he used a cut-through route to escape into some neighboring apartments.

Missing items from the woman’s purse included a Visa card “with a picture of Betty Boop on it,” the cop noted. Yes, a Betty Boop credit card, stolen by the Joker.

TOO MUCH EGG NOG AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY? A boyfriend-girlfriend couple in their 20s were hanging out in their Midtown apartment on 14th Street, when suddenly they heard weird noises outside. It was late and they weren’t expecting any visitors, so they got spooked and called police, worried about a potential robbery.

Three cops responded and started searching the couple’s apartment — finding nothing amiss inside. Then, police checked the outside balcony: Bingo! Sitting on the balcony, a 27-year-old man wearing only his underwear … with a half-empty bottle of vodka next to him.

Cops asked: What the heck are you doing in your underwear on this balcony?

Underwear Man responded, “I guess I had too much to drink and entered the wrong apartment. I’m sorry.”

However, the Midtown couple decided to be super-cool about finding a drunk stranger wearing underwear on their balcony: They decided not to press charges.

Atlanta police were not as forgiving. They charged Underwear Man with disorderly conduct under the influence — and took him to jail. Which seems a bit unfair. Hopefully, Underwear Man got a few more clothing items before cops tossed him in the holding cell.

WILY COUGAR ESCAPES: A brouhaha broke out at the Mac Cosmetics store in Ponce City Market. A 22-year-old man strolled in with a woman 10 years his senior (age 32). They both started yelling, “Ohhhh, we in the fucking Mac Store!” so loudly that other shoppers turned and stared. 

Then, the 32-year-old woman took it up a notch. Suddenly, she “spit in the face” of the Mac store’s assistant manager — and took off running. However, her young Boy Toy stayed behind and didn’t run away. So when a police officer arrived, he charged the 22-year-old man with disorderly conduct. Oh, those wily cougar getaways, leaving behind their young pranksters ….

NAKED SMELLY MAN SCREAMING: An officer responded to a fight call near Grady Hospital on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. “Upon arrival, I was abruptly met by an irate male running up to my patrol car and attempting to jump into the back seat,” the cop noted. “He was screaming erratically and bleeding from the left side of his forehead, and saying that I was trying to kill him.”

The screaming man ”walked up extremely close to me,” just so the cop could get a strong whiff of his boozy breath.

“He continued to behave in a concerning manner as he requested for me to kill him, several times — and then proceeded to remove all his clothing to expose his bare body, from his neck to his knees,” the cop noted. “Due to his erratic behavior, multiple backup police units had to come to my aid” to coral the Mostly Naked Man and walk him just one block to Grady Detention Center, located across the street. 

STRONG CONDOMNATION: In the Kirkwood neighborhood, an outraged 41-year-old woman flagged down an officer patrolling the streets. She said around 4 a.m. she went to a vacant home on Kirkwood Avenue “where most of the homeless people in the neighborhood be at” and knocked on the front door repeatedly. Apparently, she hangs out there on a regular basis.

Finally, a man responded to her persistent knocks. Opening the door, he said the 41-year-old woman absolutely could NOT come inside, because during her last visit, she’d left several messy, used condoms in a bedroom. Then, the man pushed her out of the doorway and slammed the front door closed.

The woman was stunned and pissed. But what exactly did she want police to do about this condom clash? Well, that’s unclear.

The cop simply filed a report outlining the woman’s beef. Nothing more. 

CONDOM CLASH, PART II: A naked 37-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were fornicating between the sheets at a Midtown apartment on 19th Street. Suddenly, the woman noticed the man wasn’t wearing a condom. So she punched him in the face. Stunned, the man called police. “He said they usually have unprotected sex, and that he did not know it would be an issue when he realized the condom was not on,” the reporting cop noted. The man didn’t want to press charges against the woman for punching him … but he DID want police to make her leave his apartment. Both parties confirmed the sex was totally consensual — and that they were completely shitfaced drunk. The woman even “showed me text messages from (the guy) suggesting they would have intercourse as soon as she arrived,” the cop noted. The woman also refused to press any charges … and very willingly left the guy’s apartment.

DRUNK GIRL DOES FASHION CATWALK STRUT: A cop saw a black Chrysler 200 speeding and weaving on I-85 South. He activated his blue lights and siren and tried to stop the car at the Williams Street exit. “The vehicle continued south to Freedom Parkway, then to Boulevard, before finally stopping on Cain Street,“ the cop noted.

The driver, a 26-year-old Decatur woman, opened her door and stumbled out, stating she had to pee. She admitted she was “buzzed.”

“She was wearing high-heeled boots, which I recommended she remove for the subsequent field sobriety tests,” the cop noted. “(She) had to balance herself on me and I had to help her pull her shoes off.” The woman promptly failed the Walk-and-Turn test.

“After I gave her instructions for the One-Leg Stand, she began performing the Walk-and-Turn test again in a ‘runway model fashion’ and started dancing in front of my patrol car,” the cop noted.

Then, she flunked the Breathalyzer exam and attempted to “bite the card out of my hand to stop me from reading” the implied consent statement, the cop recalled.

The Decatur woman went to jail and demanded to pee twice more within 30 minutes. Nothing further.

WISDOM DOESN’T ALWAYS COME WITH AGE: In Southwest Atlanta, a man said he returned home at 3 a.m. from a night of revelry celebrating his 40th birthday. He parked his black Cadillac Escalade outside his home on Veltre Circle and went to sleep. “When he returned to his vehicle at 8 a.m. the next morning, he noticed all his vehicle doors were wide open,” a cop noted. “Upon further inspection, he noticed he was missing three rifles, a handgun, and his wallet.” The man said he believed he forgot to lock his car doors after returning home from his birthday bash. -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Tray Butler   0,0,1    theblotter blotter                             THE BLOTTER: The Joker on the run "
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Police Blotter

Tuesday December 3, 2019 05:19 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7924) "GHOST IN THE MACHINE:  In the Capitol View neighborhood, two cops were responding to an unrelated call when suddenly “we heard two gunshots erupt in close proximity to our location.”

It was pitch-black outside and well after midnight. Both cops started canvassing the neighboring property in an attempt to discover where the gunfire originated. “The location is an industrial site with numerous tools, vehicles, and other obstacles littering the establishment,” a cop recalled. ”Further, it is extremely dark with limited lighting illuminating the area.”

Eventually, the cops spotted a middle-aged man just chilling out in the parking lot. He appeared very relaxed.

“As we approached, the man was sitting on an outdoor couch surrounded by three 750-milliliter bottles of  ‘Exclusiv’ vodka. One bottle was empty, one bottle was half-empty, and one bottle was shattered on the ground with glass shards scattered throughout,” one cop recalled. “Additionally (the man) had a black .223 caliber AR-15-style rifle leaning against his leg.” (That’s a military-style automatic rifle.)

“It was apparent that he was under the influence of alcohol due to his slurred speech, red watery eyes, and a strong odor … coming from his breath,” the cop noted. “Furthermore, there were two shell casings laying in close proximity.”

The man, age 50, openly admitted to firing the gun. According to the police report, “he stated that the rifle does not have any markings indicating a manufacturer or serial number because it is a ‘ghost gun’ that he built by ordering parts online.”

The man told police:  “I fired two rounds so there should be 18 rounds left in the magazine.”

Those two gunshots are gonna cost a pretty penny.

“(He) did endanger the lives of numerous individuals including myself,” one cop noted. “Moreover, it was discovered that he is a convicted felon” with two fresh outstanding warrants.

Police took the 50-year-old man to jail on charges of firing a gun near a public roadway, firing a gun while under the influence of alcohol, and reckless conduct.

TOUCH ME NOW, RIGHT HERE: At ATL Police Headquarters on Peachtree Street, a female police investigator looked out her office window and witnessed “two men outside headquarters engaging in a form of sexual situation.”

Immediately, she picked up the phone and called police (aka her colleagues) to report the sassy shenanigans.

Officers raced downstairs and outside police headquarters — and one member of  the copulating couple fled. The female investigator identified the remaining suspect, a 40-year-old man who hails from Thomasville, Georgia.

The man “stated he was touching his friend’s penis in front of (police headquarters) because he was in a hurry to get to work, and this was the first place they found to engage in their activities.”

Alas, instead of going to work, the man went to jail, charged with public indecency. His small black-and-white bag and cell phone were turned in to police property.

BLOWN AWAY: Near Maddox Park around 6 a.m., a cop spotted a black Jeep Cherokee turning onto Pierce Avenue. “(The driver) pulled over in a darkened area of the roadway and turned the lights off,” the cop noted. “I watched the vehicle for approximately five minutes with no observed activity, which I found peculiar.”

The cop approached the Jeep and saw “two occupants spring up from the back seat as they hurried to dress themselves.” The male driver’s pants were down … and the female passenger was wearing only a “small halter top.”

The cop noted: “On the rear floorboard, where (the male driver) was sitting, there was a partially open black plastic bag, containing a box of condoms. “One of the packaged condoms was opened — as it was still on the male driver’s penis,” the cop observed.

The male driver admitted he’d been receiving oral sex from the halter-top woman. But he didn’t explain the condom wrapped around his penis. Both got tickets for public indecency.

POO-POO PLATTER: In Midtown on Piedmont Road, a 22-year-old woman called police and said a young guy just strolled onto her front porch in broad daylight and stole “20 Publix bags, which were used for cleaning her dog’s stools, and a pair of flip flops,” a cop noted.

She said the alleged thief wore a gray hoodie. Cops filed a police report and gave her a copy of the incident number.

JUST. STOP. TALKING:  An officer saw a car “traveling at a high rate of speed the wrong way down Central Street.” (That’s a one-way street, mind you). “Upon making this observation, I conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, a 33-year-old Florida man.”

At first, the driver said he was just following his GPS. The cop noted, “I detected a slur in his speech, along with his mouth being dry and him to be sweating despite his car having air-conditioning. When asked (the man) admitted that he had ingested his prescription medication Trazodone along with three shots of vodka a few hours before driving.”

The cop asked: Are those two supposed to be mixed?

“No,” the driver replied.

Next, he explained the used syringe sitting on the driver’s-side floor. “I used it to shoot meth about an hour ago,” the Florida man confessed. Finally, he then admitted that he’d been arrested on DUI charges just nine days ago. None of his rambling admissions helped his conversation with the cop.

The Florida man went to jail for his second DUI in under 10 days, plus charges of reckless driving and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

BITE ME: One morning, a 31-year-old man drove his white van to work at a hotel on Forsyth Street in downtown Atlanta. A 25-year-old woman in blue camouflage was sitting in the parking lot. She was clutching a Mystic glass bottle broken in half.  Suddenly, she started screaming: “Where’s my momma at? That’s her van!”

Then she demanded the man hand over a sausage before she attempted to stab him. “(The man) stated he jumped back and told her to get away … and he was unharmed because his belt had blocked the impact of the glass bottle.”

The screaming woman threw down the glass bottle and ran away. But not far enough.

When police arrived, the man was able to point out the woman because she was now sitting on a nearby sidewalk. Two cops grabbed her by the arms. The woman responded by allegedly using her teeth as a weapon and “biting down on an officer’s arm.”

According to the police report, the woman “took advantage of the surprise attack” and “went for another bite.” After the second chomp, the bitten cop’s partner took out his Taser gun and subdued the woman, who yelled, “You’re not helping me!”

Police put a spit hood on the woman and took her to Grady Hospital to be tested for any potential diseases that could potentially be transmitted by mouth.

DUMP THAT “DELIVERANCE” GIRL: Outside a convenience store on Sylvan Road, a 30-year-old man said he was shot in both legs while sitting in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Impala. The alleged shooter: a colorful relative of the man’s fiancée … who wears his hair in a red/burgundy Mohawk with dreads.

The reporting officer noted: “The victim’s fiancée arrived on scene and was told that the suspect was her ex-husband and possibly his brother.”

Wait, what? The alleged shooter was both her ex-husband and his brother? The police report did not clarify.

The fiancée stated the suspect has had an issue with her man ever since they started dating back in 2018.

Police escorted the wounded man to the hospital and collected shell casings from the roadway. His injuries were non-life-threatening.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(7960) "G__HOST IN THE MACHINE:__  In the Capitol View neighborhood, two cops were responding to an unrelated call when suddenly “we heard two gunshots erupt in close proximity to our location.”

It was pitch-black outside and well after midnight. Both cops started canvassing the neighboring property in an attempt to discover where the gunfire originated. “The location is an industrial site with numerous tools, vehicles, and other obstacles littering the establishment,” a cop recalled. ”Further, it is extremely dark with limited lighting illuminating the area.”

Eventually, the cops spotted a middle-aged man just chilling out in the parking lot. He appeared very relaxed.

“As we approached, the man was sitting on an outdoor couch surrounded by three 750-milliliter bottles of  ‘Exclusiv’ vodka. One bottle was empty, one bottle was half-empty, and one bottle was shattered on the ground with glass shards scattered throughout,” one cop recalled. “Additionally (the man) had a black .223 caliber AR-15-style rifle leaning against his leg.” (That’s a military-style automatic rifle.)

“It was apparent that he was under the influence of alcohol due to his slurred speech, red watery eyes, and a strong odor … coming from his breath,” the cop noted. “Furthermore, there were two shell casings laying in close proximity.”

The man, age 50, openly admitted to firing the gun. According to the police report, “he stated that the rifle does not have any markings indicating a manufacturer or serial number because it is a ‘ghost gun’ that he built by ordering parts online.”

The man told police:  “I fired two rounds so there should be 18 rounds left in the magazine.”

Those two gunshots are gonna cost a pretty penny.

“(He) did endanger the lives of numerous individuals including myself,” one cop noted. “Moreover, it was discovered that he is a convicted felon” with two fresh outstanding warrants.

Police took the 50-year-old man to jail on charges of firing a gun near a public roadway, firing a gun while under the influence of alcohol, and reckless conduct.

__TOUCH ME NOW, RIGHT HERE:__ At ATL Police Headquarters on Peachtree Street, a female police investigator looked out her office window and witnessed “two men outside headquarters engaging in a form of sexual situation.”

Immediately, she picked up the phone and called police (aka her colleagues) to report the sassy shenanigans.

Officers raced downstairs and outside police headquarters — and one member of  the copulating couple fled. The female investigator identified the remaining suspect, a 40-year-old man who hails from Thomasville, Georgia.

The man “stated he was touching his friend’s penis in front of (police headquarters) because he was in a hurry to get to work, and this was the first place they found to engage in their activities.”

Alas, instead of going to work, the man went to jail, charged with public indecency. His small black-and-white bag and cell phone were turned in to police property.

__BLOWN AWAY:__ Near Maddox Park around 6 a.m., a cop spotted a black Jeep Cherokee turning onto Pierce Avenue. “(The driver) pulled over in a darkened area of the roadway and turned the lights off,” the cop noted. “I watched the vehicle for approximately five minutes with no observed activity, which I found peculiar.”

The cop approached the Jeep and saw “two occupants spring up from the back seat as they hurried to dress themselves.” The male driver’s pants were down … and the female passenger was wearing only a “small halter top.”

The cop noted: “On the rear floorboard, where (the male driver) was sitting, there was a partially open black plastic bag, containing a box of condoms. “One of the packaged condoms was opened — as it was still on the male driver’s penis,” the cop observed.

The male driver admitted he’d been receiving oral sex from the halter-top woman. But he didn’t explain the condom wrapped around his penis. Both got tickets for public indecency.

__POO-POO PLATTER:__ In Midtown on Piedmont Road, a 22-year-old woman called police and said a young guy just strolled onto her front porch in broad daylight and stole “20 Publix bags, which were used for cleaning her dog’s stools, and a pair of flip flops,” a cop noted.

She said the alleged thief wore a gray hoodie. Cops filed a police report and gave her a copy of the incident number.

__JUST. STOP. TALKING:  __An officer saw a car “traveling at a high rate of speed the wrong way down Central Street.” (That’s a one-way street, mind you). “Upon making this observation, I conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, a 33-year-old Florida man.”

At first, the driver said he was just following his GPS. The cop noted, “I detected a slur in his speech, along with his mouth being dry and him to be sweating despite his car having air-conditioning. When asked (the man) admitted that he had ingested his prescription medication Trazodone along with three shots of vodka a few hours before driving.”

The cop asked: Are those two supposed to be mixed?

“No,” the driver replied.

Next, he explained the used syringe sitting on the driver’s-side floor. “I used it to shoot meth about an hour ago,” the Florida man confessed. Finally, he then admitted that he’d been arrested on DUI charges just nine days ago. None of his rambling admissions helped his conversation with the cop.

The Florida man went to jail for his second DUI in under 10 days, plus charges of reckless driving and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

__BITE ME:__ One morning, a 31-year-old man drove his white van to work at a hotel on Forsyth Street in downtown Atlanta. A 25-year-old woman in blue camouflage was sitting in the parking lot. She was clutching a Mystic glass bottle broken in half.  Suddenly, she started screaming: “Where’s my momma at? That’s her van!”

Then she demanded the man hand over a sausage before she attempted to stab him. “(The man) stated he jumped back and told her to get away … and he was unharmed because his belt had blocked the impact of the glass bottle.”

The screaming woman threw down the glass bottle and ran away. But not far enough.

When police arrived, the man was able to point out the woman because she was now sitting on a nearby sidewalk. Two cops grabbed her by the arms. The woman responded by allegedly using her teeth as a weapon and “biting down on an officer’s arm.”

According to the police report, the woman “took advantage of the surprise attack” and “went for another bite.” After the second chomp, the bitten cop’s partner took out his Taser gun and subdued the woman, who yelled, “You’re not helping me!”

Police put a spit hood on the woman and took her to Grady Hospital to be tested for any potential diseases that could potentially be transmitted by mouth.

__DUMP THAT “DELIVERANCE” GIRL:__ Outside a convenience store on Sylvan Road, a 30-year-old man said he was shot in both legs while sitting in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Impala. The alleged shooter: a colorful relative of the man’s fiancée … who wears his hair in a red/burgundy Mohawk with dreads.

The reporting officer noted: “The victim’s fiancée arrived on scene and was told that the suspect was her ex-husband and possibly his brother.”

Wait, what? The alleged shooter was both her ex-husband ''and'' his brother? The police report did not clarify.

The fiancée stated the suspect has had an issue with her man ever since they started dating back in 2018.

Police escorted the wounded man to the hospital and collected shell casings from the roadway. His injuries were non-life-threatening.

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(8374) " News06 Blotter Ghostgun Final Web  2019-11-04T19:07:02+00:00 news06-blotter-ghostgun-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 25642  2019-11-04T19:04:09+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Three bottles of vodka and an AR jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING Lauren Keating 2019-11-04T19:04:09+00:00  GHOST IN THE MACHINE:  In the Capitol View neighborhood, two cops were responding to an unrelated call when suddenly “we heard two gunshots erupt in close proximity to our location.”

It was pitch-black outside and well after midnight. Both cops started canvassing the neighboring property in an attempt to discover where the gunfire originated. “The location is an industrial site with numerous tools, vehicles, and other obstacles littering the establishment,” a cop recalled. ”Further, it is extremely dark with limited lighting illuminating the area.”

Eventually, the cops spotted a middle-aged man just chilling out in the parking lot. He appeared very relaxed.

“As we approached, the man was sitting on an outdoor couch surrounded by three 750-milliliter bottles of  ‘Exclusiv’ vodka. One bottle was empty, one bottle was half-empty, and one bottle was shattered on the ground with glass shards scattered throughout,” one cop recalled. “Additionally (the man) had a black .223 caliber AR-15-style rifle leaning against his leg.” (That’s a military-style automatic rifle.)

“It was apparent that he was under the influence of alcohol due to his slurred speech, red watery eyes, and a strong odor … coming from his breath,” the cop noted. “Furthermore, there were two shell casings laying in close proximity.”

The man, age 50, openly admitted to firing the gun. According to the police report, “he stated that the rifle does not have any markings indicating a manufacturer or serial number because it is a ‘ghost gun’ that he built by ordering parts online.”

The man told police:  “I fired two rounds so there should be 18 rounds left in the magazine.”

Those two gunshots are gonna cost a pretty penny.

“(He) did endanger the lives of numerous individuals including myself,” one cop noted. “Moreover, it was discovered that he is a convicted felon” with two fresh outstanding warrants.

Police took the 50-year-old man to jail on charges of firing a gun near a public roadway, firing a gun while under the influence of alcohol, and reckless conduct.

TOUCH ME NOW, RIGHT HERE: At ATL Police Headquarters on Peachtree Street, a female police investigator looked out her office window and witnessed “two men outside headquarters engaging in a form of sexual situation.”

Immediately, she picked up the phone and called police (aka her colleagues) to report the sassy shenanigans.

Officers raced downstairs and outside police headquarters — and one member of  the copulating couple fled. The female investigator identified the remaining suspect, a 40-year-old man who hails from Thomasville, Georgia.

The man “stated he was touching his friend’s penis in front of (police headquarters) because he was in a hurry to get to work, and this was the first place they found to engage in their activities.”

Alas, instead of going to work, the man went to jail, charged with public indecency. His small black-and-white bag and cell phone were turned in to police property.

BLOWN AWAY: Near Maddox Park around 6 a.m., a cop spotted a black Jeep Cherokee turning onto Pierce Avenue. “(The driver) pulled over in a darkened area of the roadway and turned the lights off,” the cop noted. “I watched the vehicle for approximately five minutes with no observed activity, which I found peculiar.”

The cop approached the Jeep and saw “two occupants spring up from the back seat as they hurried to dress themselves.” The male driver’s pants were down … and the female passenger was wearing only a “small halter top.”

The cop noted: “On the rear floorboard, where (the male driver) was sitting, there was a partially open black plastic bag, containing a box of condoms. “One of the packaged condoms was opened — as it was still on the male driver’s penis,” the cop observed.

The male driver admitted he’d been receiving oral sex from the halter-top woman. But he didn’t explain the condom wrapped around his penis. Both got tickets for public indecency.

POO-POO PLATTER: In Midtown on Piedmont Road, a 22-year-old woman called police and said a young guy just strolled onto her front porch in broad daylight and stole “20 Publix bags, which were used for cleaning her dog’s stools, and a pair of flip flops,” a cop noted.

She said the alleged thief wore a gray hoodie. Cops filed a police report and gave her a copy of the incident number.

JUST. STOP. TALKING:  An officer saw a car “traveling at a high rate of speed the wrong way down Central Street.” (That’s a one-way street, mind you). “Upon making this observation, I conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, a 33-year-old Florida man.”

At first, the driver said he was just following his GPS. The cop noted, “I detected a slur in his speech, along with his mouth being dry and him to be sweating despite his car having air-conditioning. When asked (the man) admitted that he had ingested his prescription medication Trazodone along with three shots of vodka a few hours before driving.”

The cop asked: Are those two supposed to be mixed?

“No,” the driver replied.

Next, he explained the used syringe sitting on the driver’s-side floor. “I used it to shoot meth about an hour ago,” the Florida man confessed. Finally, he then admitted that he’d been arrested on DUI charges just nine days ago. None of his rambling admissions helped his conversation with the cop.

The Florida man went to jail for his second DUI in under 10 days, plus charges of reckless driving and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

BITE ME: One morning, a 31-year-old man drove his white van to work at a hotel on Forsyth Street in downtown Atlanta. A 25-year-old woman in blue camouflage was sitting in the parking lot. She was clutching a Mystic glass bottle broken in half.  Suddenly, she started screaming: “Where’s my momma at? That’s her van!”

Then she demanded the man hand over a sausage before she attempted to stab him. “(The man) stated he jumped back and told her to get away … and he was unharmed because his belt had blocked the impact of the glass bottle.”

The screaming woman threw down the glass bottle and ran away. But not far enough.

When police arrived, the man was able to point out the woman because she was now sitting on a nearby sidewalk. Two cops grabbed her by the arms. The woman responded by allegedly using her teeth as a weapon and “biting down on an officer’s arm.”

According to the police report, the woman “took advantage of the surprise attack” and “went for another bite.” After the second chomp, the bitten cop’s partner took out his Taser gun and subdued the woman, who yelled, “You’re not helping me!”

Police put a spit hood on the woman and took her to Grady Hospital to be tested for any potential diseases that could potentially be transmitted by mouth.

DUMP THAT “DELIVERANCE” GIRL: Outside a convenience store on Sylvan Road, a 30-year-old man said he was shot in both legs while sitting in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Impala. The alleged shooter: a colorful relative of the man’s fiancée … who wears his hair in a red/burgundy Mohawk with dreads.

The reporting officer noted: “The victim’s fiancée arrived on scene and was told that the suspect was her ex-husband and possibly his brother.”

Wait, what? The alleged shooter was both her ex-husband and his brother? The police report did not clarify.

The fiancée stated the suspect has had an issue with her man ever since they started dating back in 2018.

Police escorted the wounded man to the hospital and collected shell casings from the roadway. His injuries were non-life-threatening.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,10    blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Three bottles of vodka and an AR "
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Police Blotter

Monday November 4, 2019 02:04 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(38) "THE BLOTTER: Making America more great"
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  string(6586) "PATRIOTIC PRICK: After midnight, two cops were patrolling I-85 South. Suddenly, a black Mercedes Benz racing sedan “sped past us,” one cop recalled, “(the driver) then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to smoke as the car almost collided with the back of a tractor trailer.”

The driver stopped. Momentarily. As the two cops approached his car, he sped away, in full view of police “changing multiple lanes without signaling … and then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to once again smoke, to avoid collision with other vehicles … and driving in the emergency lane exiting the interstate to North Avenue.”

Finally, cops stopped the Mercedes driver on Spring Street. The driver, a 43-year-old man from Buford, Georgia, had a burning question for police: “Why did you not use those blue lights to stop me when I sped past you?”

The cops arrested him and put him in the patrol car.

“Once in custody, he then began talking to an imaginary person named Tom in the back seat (of the patrol car),” a cop noted. “Then he began ranting at the fact that Donald Trump wouldn’t be happy about the arrest. He continued stating: ‘Do you know about the secret society of The Owl and The Black Crow?’”

Moments later, the driver started screaming, outraged by the lack of patriotic props available for his ride in the Atlanta police patrol car.

“You don’t have the American flag in my car?” the driver yelled. “I pay y’all’s salary and you don’t have the American flag in MY car?! … Point deducted … Here in Georgia, y’all hang that queer fuckin’ shit, but where’s the flag? Where’s my flag?”

The Mercedes driver went to jail, on multiple charges of reckless driving and driving on bald tires. His car — worth about $100K new — was towed.

INNER CONFLICTS? Cops got a call about a fight erupting inside a Midtown deli on 10th Street. However, when a police officer arrived, the fight seemed to be invisible. To everyone. Except one customer, a Texas man in his 40s, who’d called police to the scene. The officer asked: “Where’s the so-called fight you reported?”

The customer says he is being followed — by three guys from Texas — but they aren’t “doing anything” to him right now. “However, he believes they will become annoying at some point throughout the day,” the cop noted. “He believes he knows the three males” who’ve silently followed him for thousands of miles. The customer claims the strange trio started tailing him when he left his home outside Austin, Texas — and followed him all the way to Atlanta.

The officer looked around: No one was injured or hurt in the so-called deli “brawl.” Nothing further to report.

EVER HEARD OF “FIRST-WORLD PROBLEMS,” LADY?  A 36-year-old woman walked into the Grant Park police precinct to report a Sunday afternoon kerfuffle.

“She said, ‘While trying to enjoy my visit to the Grant Park Farmers’ Market today,’ she was verbally harassed by her neighbor (a 40-year-old man) who repeatedly yelled ‘JACKASS neighbor” as he and his family walked past her,” an officer noted.

The woman said she approached the neighbor and his wife “to tell them their behavior was not okay and to try to make peace with them. (The neighbor) continued to talk over her and did not offer any peace.”

Also, the neighbor’s entire family “continued to talk trash while walking away,” she said.

Apparently, this farmers’ market kerfuffle made a big impact. The 36-year-old woman says now she and her husband are “fearful for their safety because this is not the first time (the male neighbor) has lashed out at them like that,” the officer noted. “She says the problematic male neighbor got into a physical fight with someone cutting the lawn.”

WORST. PLUMBER. EVER:  In Southwest Atlanta, a woman said her landlord scheduled a plumber to come work on her rental home.

“The incident occurred while (the plumber) was sitting on the toilet in the restroom and (the woman) was standing in the bathroom, putting a shelf together,” a cop noted. “She said (the plumber) was talking to her about bringing a new drain for the tub when he began lifting up his shirt, exposing his chest and nipples. He stated that his nipples were hard and that he wanted her to touch them. (The plumber) then grabbed (the woman) by her wrists and began to pull her toward him. She pulled away, but he then grabbed her around her waist and her butt and pulled her closer, while trying to kiss her groin area over her clothes.”

The fast-thinking woman grabbed a power drill sitting in the bathroom — using the drill to defend herself. She managed to escape “by poking the plumber’s chest with the drill, while backing up out of the restroom.”

The plumber followed her to the kitchen. “While doing this, the plumber stated that he loved it when women got aggressive with him, and (that) he wanted her to fuck his pussy.”

The woman kept firing the drill and forcing the plumber to back up. Then, she decided to try bluffing. She told the plumber that her furious mother was driving over to her rental home — due to arrive any moment now — and threatened to call police.

Apparently, her bluff worked. “Upon hearing this, (the plumber) turned around and began to crawl on the floor, through the hallway (and) into the kitchen, before exiting through the rear door.”

The woman immediately locked all her doors and called her mother for real. Mom rushed over in five minutes and came up with a plan of action. (Apparently, the mother got the plumber to admit to his actions — in front of witnesses).

The plumber had left one of his business cards in the kitchen. The mother decided to call the plumber on her cell phone (concealing her number so it would show up as unknown). “When (the plumber) answered the phone, she put it into speaker mode so (her daughter) and Aunt Tiffany could hear the conversation,” the reporting cop noted. “The mother asked the plumber about the event. He advised he was sorry if he had offended (the woman) but he had only shown her his chest because it was itchy, and his hands were dirty. He said he just wanted her to scratch it and that his nipples were hard.”

After the call, the woman filed a police report. She described the plumber as a bald man in his 50s who is “missing several bottom teeth.” -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(6610) "__PATRIOTIC PRICK:__ After midnight, two cops were patrolling I-85 South. Suddenly, a black Mercedes Benz racing sedan “sped past us,” one cop recalled, “(the driver) then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to smoke as the car almost collided with the back of a tractor trailer.”

The driver stopped. Momentarily. As the two cops approached his car, he sped away, in full view of police “changing multiple lanes without signaling … and then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to once again smoke, to avoid collision with other vehicles … and driving in the emergency lane exiting the interstate to North Avenue.”

Finally, cops stopped the Mercedes driver on Spring Street. The driver, a 43-year-old man from Buford, Georgia, had a burning question for police: “Why did you not use those blue lights to stop me when I sped past you?”

The cops arrested him and put him in the patrol car.

“Once in custody, he then began talking to an imaginary person named Tom in the back seat (of the patrol car),” a cop noted. “Then he began ranting at the fact that Donald Trump wouldn’t be happy about the arrest. He continued stating: ‘Do you know about the secret society of The Owl and The Black Crow?’”

Moments later, the driver started screaming, outraged by the lack of patriotic props available for his ride in the Atlanta police patrol car.

“You don’t have the American flag in my car?” the driver yelled. “I pay y’all’s salary and you don’t have the American flag in MY car?! … Point deducted … Here in Georgia, y’all hang that queer fuckin’ shit, but where’s the flag? Where’s my flag?”

The Mercedes driver went to jail, on multiple charges of reckless driving and driving on bald tires. His car — worth about $100K new — was towed.

__INNER CONFLICTS?__ Cops got a call about a fight erupting inside a Midtown deli on 10th Street. However, when a police officer arrived, the fight seemed to be invisible. To everyone. Except one customer, a Texas man in his 40s, who’d called police to the scene. The officer asked: “Where’s the so-called fight you reported?”

The customer says he is being followed — by three guys from Texas — but they aren’t “doing anything” to him right now. “However, he believes they will become annoying at some point throughout the day,” the cop noted. “He believes he knows the three males” who’ve silently followed him for thousands of miles. The customer claims the strange trio started tailing him when he left his home outside Austin, Texas — and followed him all the way to Atlanta.

The officer looked around: No one was injured or hurt in the so-called deli “brawl.” Nothing further to report.

__EVER HEARD OF “FIRST-WORLD PROBLEMS,” LADY?__  A 36-year-old woman walked into the Grant Park police precinct to report a Sunday afternoon kerfuffle.

“She said, ‘While trying to enjoy my visit to the Grant Park Farmers’ Market today,’ she was verbally harassed by her neighbor (a 40-year-old man) who repeatedly yelled ‘JACKASS neighbor” as he and his family walked past her,” an officer noted.

The woman said she approached the neighbor and his wife “to tell them their behavior was not okay and to try to make peace with them. (The neighbor) continued to talk over her and did not offer any peace.”

Also, the neighbor’s entire family “continued to talk trash while walking away,” she said.

Apparently, this farmers’ market kerfuffle made a big impact. The 36-year-old woman says now she and her husband are “fearful for their safety because this is not the first time (the male neighbor) has lashed out at them like that,” the officer noted. “She says the problematic male neighbor got into a physical fight with someone cutting the lawn.”

__WORST. PLUMBER. EVER:__  In Southwest Atlanta, a woman said her landlord scheduled a plumber to come work on her rental home.

“The incident occurred while (the plumber) was sitting on the toilet in the restroom and (the woman) was standing in the bathroom, putting a shelf together,” a cop noted. “She said (the plumber) was talking to her about bringing a new drain for the tub when he began lifting up his shirt, exposing his chest and nipples. He stated that his nipples were hard and that he wanted her to touch them. (The plumber) then grabbed (the woman) by her wrists and began to pull her toward him. She pulled away, but he then grabbed her around her waist and her butt and pulled her closer, while trying to kiss her groin area over her clothes.”

The fast-thinking woman grabbed a power drill sitting in the bathroom — using the drill to defend herself. She managed to escape “by poking the plumber’s chest with the drill, while backing up out of the restroom.”

The plumber followed her to the kitchen. “While doing this, the plumber stated that he loved it when women got aggressive with him, and (that) he wanted her to fuck his pussy.”

The woman kept firing the drill and forcing the plumber to back up. Then, she decided to try bluffing. She told the plumber that her furious mother was driving over to her rental home — due to arrive any moment now — and threatened to call police.

Apparently, her bluff worked. “Upon hearing this, (the plumber) turned around and began to crawl on the floor, through the hallway (and) into the kitchen, before exiting through the rear door.”

The woman immediately locked all her doors and called her mother for real. Mom rushed over in five minutes and came up with a plan of action. (Apparently, the mother got the plumber to admit to his actions — in front of witnesses).

The plumber had left one of his business cards in the kitchen. The mother decided to call the plumber on her cell phone (concealing her number so it would show up as unknown). “When (the plumber) answered the phone, she put it into speaker mode so (her daughter) and Aunt Tiffany could hear the conversation,” the reporting cop noted. “The mother asked the plumber about the event. He advised he was sorry if he had offended (the woman) but he had only shown her his chest because it was itchy, and his hands were dirty. He said he just wanted her to scratch it and that his nipples were hard.”

After the call, the woman filed a police report. She described the plumber as a bald man in his 50s who is “missing several bottom teeth.” __-CL-__

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  string(7025) " Blot1019 Owl Potus Final 01  2019-09-30T16:56:56+00:00 blot1019-owl-potus-final-01.jpg    atlanta police blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 23980  2019-09-30T16:49:12+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Making America more great jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2019-09-30T16:49:12+00:00  PATRIOTIC PRICK: After midnight, two cops were patrolling I-85 South. Suddenly, a black Mercedes Benz racing sedan “sped past us,” one cop recalled, “(the driver) then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to smoke as the car almost collided with the back of a tractor trailer.”

The driver stopped. Momentarily. As the two cops approached his car, he sped away, in full view of police “changing multiple lanes without signaling … and then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to once again smoke, to avoid collision with other vehicles … and driving in the emergency lane exiting the interstate to North Avenue.”

Finally, cops stopped the Mercedes driver on Spring Street. The driver, a 43-year-old man from Buford, Georgia, had a burning question for police: “Why did you not use those blue lights to stop me when I sped past you?”

The cops arrested him and put him in the patrol car.

“Once in custody, he then began talking to an imaginary person named Tom in the back seat (of the patrol car),” a cop noted. “Then he began ranting at the fact that Donald Trump wouldn’t be happy about the arrest. He continued stating: ‘Do you know about the secret society of The Owl and The Black Crow?’”

Moments later, the driver started screaming, outraged by the lack of patriotic props available for his ride in the Atlanta police patrol car.

“You don’t have the American flag in my car?” the driver yelled. “I pay y’all’s salary and you don’t have the American flag in MY car?! … Point deducted … Here in Georgia, y’all hang that queer fuckin’ shit, but where’s the flag? Where’s my flag?”

The Mercedes driver went to jail, on multiple charges of reckless driving and driving on bald tires. His car — worth about $100K new — was towed.

INNER CONFLICTS? Cops got a call about a fight erupting inside a Midtown deli on 10th Street. However, when a police officer arrived, the fight seemed to be invisible. To everyone. Except one customer, a Texas man in his 40s, who’d called police to the scene. The officer asked: “Where’s the so-called fight you reported?”

The customer says he is being followed — by three guys from Texas — but they aren’t “doing anything” to him right now. “However, he believes they will become annoying at some point throughout the day,” the cop noted. “He believes he knows the three males” who’ve silently followed him for thousands of miles. The customer claims the strange trio started tailing him when he left his home outside Austin, Texas — and followed him all the way to Atlanta.

The officer looked around: No one was injured or hurt in the so-called deli “brawl.” Nothing further to report.

EVER HEARD OF “FIRST-WORLD PROBLEMS,” LADY?  A 36-year-old woman walked into the Grant Park police precinct to report a Sunday afternoon kerfuffle.

“She said, ‘While trying to enjoy my visit to the Grant Park Farmers’ Market today,’ she was verbally harassed by her neighbor (a 40-year-old man) who repeatedly yelled ‘JACKASS neighbor” as he and his family walked past her,” an officer noted.

The woman said she approached the neighbor and his wife “to tell them their behavior was not okay and to try to make peace with them. (The neighbor) continued to talk over her and did not offer any peace.”

Also, the neighbor’s entire family “continued to talk trash while walking away,” she said.

Apparently, this farmers’ market kerfuffle made a big impact. The 36-year-old woman says now she and her husband are “fearful for their safety because this is not the first time (the male neighbor) has lashed out at them like that,” the officer noted. “She says the problematic male neighbor got into a physical fight with someone cutting the lawn.”

WORST. PLUMBER. EVER:  In Southwest Atlanta, a woman said her landlord scheduled a plumber to come work on her rental home.

“The incident occurred while (the plumber) was sitting on the toilet in the restroom and (the woman) was standing in the bathroom, putting a shelf together,” a cop noted. “She said (the plumber) was talking to her about bringing a new drain for the tub when he began lifting up his shirt, exposing his chest and nipples. He stated that his nipples were hard and that he wanted her to touch them. (The plumber) then grabbed (the woman) by her wrists and began to pull her toward him. She pulled away, but he then grabbed her around her waist and her butt and pulled her closer, while trying to kiss her groin area over her clothes.”

The fast-thinking woman grabbed a power drill sitting in the bathroom — using the drill to defend herself. She managed to escape “by poking the plumber’s chest with the drill, while backing up out of the restroom.”

The plumber followed her to the kitchen. “While doing this, the plumber stated that he loved it when women got aggressive with him, and (that) he wanted her to fuck his pussy.”

The woman kept firing the drill and forcing the plumber to back up. Then, she decided to try bluffing. She told the plumber that her furious mother was driving over to her rental home — due to arrive any moment now — and threatened to call police.

Apparently, her bluff worked. “Upon hearing this, (the plumber) turned around and began to crawl on the floor, through the hallway (and) into the kitchen, before exiting through the rear door.”

The woman immediately locked all her doors and called her mother for real. Mom rushed over in five minutes and came up with a plan of action. (Apparently, the mother got the plumber to admit to his actions — in front of witnesses).

The plumber had left one of his business cards in the kitchen. The mother decided to call the plumber on her cell phone (concealing her number so it would show up as unknown). “When (the plumber) answered the phone, she put it into speaker mode so (her daughter) and Aunt Tiffany could hear the conversation,” the reporting cop noted. “The mother asked the plumber about the event. He advised he was sorry if he had offended (the woman) but he had only shown her his chest because it was itchy, and his hands were dirty. He said he just wanted her to scratch it and that his nipples were hard.”

After the call, the woman filed a police report. She described the plumber as a bald man in his 50s who is “missing several bottom teeth.” -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,1    BLOTTER POLICE ATLANTA                             THE BLOTTER: Making America more great "
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Police Blotter

Monday September 30, 2019 12:49 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(5745) "RATHER RIPPED: In East Atlanta Village at 7 a.m, a security alarm started ringing inside a Korean restaurant. A police officer responded to the alarm call.
“When I arrived I observed the front door … was damaged and open,” the officer noted. “I looked inside — and there appeared to be a person lying down on a table of the kitchen area of the restaurant.” The door lock had been ripped out and flung on the restaurant floor.
The cop decided to call for backup. “When we walked through the restaurant, we observed whole carrots in the area … where the man was lying on the kitchen table. One of the carrots appeared to have a bite taken out of it. Next to the carrots, sat an open can of Pellegrino water.”
Perplexed, cops did not wake the man sprawled on the kitchen table — yet.
One cop walked outside and asked a few familiar EAV homeless people: Does anyone know this mystery guy? Nope. But one had seen the mystery guy passed out in the Village on Flat Shoals Road earlier.
Finally, cops woke up the mystery man on the kitchen table. The 39-year-old man was surprised to learn he’d been eating carrots and napping inside a closed Korean restaurant.  “I’m really drunk and don’t remember the last half of the evening,” he admitted. The only thing he knew for sure: His Wells Fargo debit card was missing.
His night of revelry didn’t go over well with the restaurant’s owner, who pressed charges for breaking and entering. Cops took the 39-year-old to jail. One upside: Apparently, the carrots were free. The man wasn’t charged for the stolen carrots he consumed.
BALONEY BLUES: In Westside Atlanta, two guys in their 50s were having lunch on Jefferson Street. They decided to trade sandwiches. Guy #1 trades his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Guy #2’s baloney sandwich. The trade goes smoothly — and the two men devour their respective sandwiches.
After the food is gone, Guy #1 reveals that Guy #2 could have kept his baloney sandwich and gotten a free PBJ. Guy #1 says, “Hey, if you’re still hungry, there are extra peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches on a table in the lunchroom. For free.”
Guy #2 gets angry, yelling, “Don’t tell me what to do, motherfucker!” Then he walks away.
Minutes later, Guy #2 returns — and punches Guy #1 in the right ear.
COP’S UNLUCKY DAY: An officer got a call about a lovers’ dispute erupting in a Reynoldstown home. When the cop arrived, both lovers were gone. In the front yard, a few people milled about. One said the boyfriend and girlfriend both took off running toward Berean Avenue. So the cop hopped into his patrol car and headed that way. Quickly, the cop spotted the running boyfriend, and yelled, “Stop, let’s talk and figure this out.” Boyfriend keeps running. “I was then able to pull ahead of the male in my city vehicle and exit the patrol car,” the cop noted. “I grabbed the male by his shirt … and the male yelled, ‘She’s just mad I caught her cheating.’”
The cop and boyfriend talk for a minute. Suddenly, the boyfriend yells, “Your car is rolling backward!”  Sure enough, the cop’s patrol car is now rolling at a brisk speed down the street. The cop hops into the car, trying to hit the brakes … but it’s too late. The patrol car slams “into a pole at the intersection of Narrow Street and Berean Avenue.” The cop walks over to inspect the damage, and the boyfriend sprints away.
Eventually, the cop secures his patrol car and goes back to the couple’s Reynoldstown home to check on the feuding lovers. All OK. No one wants to press charges. The girlfriend says she only called police because she wanted her cell phone back — and the boyfriend took off running with her phone. But since he’s returned her cell phone, she’s not mad.
The cop’s patrol car sustained significant damage. Plus, the cop’s body got a bit banged up. “I did hurt my elbow and left leg when I attempted to stop the vehicle, but I did not need medical attention,” he noted.
GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND: At a pizza place on Glenwood Avenue, trouble broke out in the kitchen over dough. The shift leader told a female employee that she wasn’t folding the pizza dough correctly. Apparently, the female employee didn’t handle the dough criticism very well. The pizza restaurant’s manager stepped in and told the female employee to go home and cool off. Then, while the manager was taking out the trash, a male employee said he didn’t want to work there any more. So who does the pizza manager call to cover the quitter’s shift? The lousy-dough-folding female employee he just sent home. She returns to work. Then, the male employee who just quit his job … suddenly starts throwing produce and food all over the place. “I observed pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, and olives on the floor,” an officer noted.
YOU BE ILLIN’: Around 3 a.m, a cop observed a guy walking near the Bobby Jones Golf Course on Northside Drive … and stopped him to make sure he was OK. The man, age 31, was carrying a travel bag of clothes. “The man told me that he wants to go to the hospital, because he is suffering from an illness that is causing his body to eat his muscles,” the officer noted. Also, the man insisted proteins are blocking his kidney, which makes it difficult for him to pee. “He goes on to tell me his kidney is hurting, his back hurts — and his feet are on fire.” So the officer calls Grady medics. The man keeps talking while they wait for medics to arrive … insisting that he’s also a wanted outlaw man with a mental illness and violent tendencies.
The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(5769) "__RATHER RIPPED:__ In East Atlanta Village at 7 a.m, a security alarm started ringing inside a Korean restaurant. A police officer responded to the alarm call.
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__BALONEY BLUES:__ In Westside Atlanta, two guys in their 50s were having lunch on Jefferson Street. They decided to trade sandwiches. Guy #1 trades his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Guy #2’s baloney sandwich. The trade goes smoothly — and the two men devour their respective sandwiches.
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__COP’S UNLUCKY DAY:__ An officer got a call about a lovers’ dispute erupting in a Reynoldstown home. When the cop arrived, both lovers were gone. In the front yard, a few people milled about. One said the boyfriend and girlfriend both took off running toward Berean Avenue. So the cop hopped into his patrol car and headed that way. Quickly, the cop spotted the running boyfriend, and yelled, “Stop, let’s talk and figure this out.” Boyfriend keeps running. “I was then able to pull ahead of the male in my city vehicle and exit the patrol car,” the cop noted. “I grabbed the male by his shirt … and the male yelled, ‘She’s just mad I caught her cheating.’”
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The cop’s patrol car sustained significant damage. Plus, the cop’s body got a bit banged up. “I did hurt my elbow and left leg when I attempted to stop the vehicle, but I did not need medical attention,” he noted.
__GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND:__ At a pizza place on Glenwood Avenue, trouble broke out in the kitchen over dough. The shift leader told a female employee that she wasn’t folding the pizza dough correctly. Apparently, the female employee didn’t handle the dough criticism very well. The pizza restaurant’s manager stepped in and told the female employee to go home and cool off. Then, while the manager was taking out the trash, a male employee said he didn’t want to work there any more. So who does the pizza manager call to cover the quitter’s shift? The lousy-dough-folding female employee he just sent home. She returns to work. Then, the male employee who just quit his job … suddenly starts throwing produce and food all over the place. “I observed pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, and olives on the floor,” an officer noted.
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''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(6111) " Blot0919 Carrot Coma  2019-09-05T14:46:43+00:00 blot0919-carrot-coma.jpg     Sleeping it off in a bed of carrots 22844  2019-09-05T14:43:20+00:00 THE BLOTTER: What’s up, Doc? jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2019-09-05T14:43:20+00:00  RATHER RIPPED: In East Atlanta Village at 7 a.m, a security alarm started ringing inside a Korean restaurant. A police officer responded to the alarm call.
“When I arrived I observed the front door … was damaged and open,” the officer noted. “I looked inside — and there appeared to be a person lying down on a table of the kitchen area of the restaurant.” The door lock had been ripped out and flung on the restaurant floor.
The cop decided to call for backup. “When we walked through the restaurant, we observed whole carrots in the area … where the man was lying on the kitchen table. One of the carrots appeared to have a bite taken out of it. Next to the carrots, sat an open can of Pellegrino water.”
Perplexed, cops did not wake the man sprawled on the kitchen table — yet.
One cop walked outside and asked a few familiar EAV homeless people: Does anyone know this mystery guy? Nope. But one had seen the mystery guy passed out in the Village on Flat Shoals Road earlier.
Finally, cops woke up the mystery man on the kitchen table. The 39-year-old man was surprised to learn he’d been eating carrots and napping inside a closed Korean restaurant.  “I’m really drunk and don’t remember the last half of the evening,” he admitted. The only thing he knew for sure: His Wells Fargo debit card was missing.
His night of revelry didn’t go over well with the restaurant’s owner, who pressed charges for breaking and entering. Cops took the 39-year-old to jail. One upside: Apparently, the carrots were free. The man wasn’t charged for the stolen carrots he consumed.
BALONEY BLUES: In Westside Atlanta, two guys in their 50s were having lunch on Jefferson Street. They decided to trade sandwiches. Guy #1 trades his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Guy #2’s baloney sandwich. The trade goes smoothly — and the two men devour their respective sandwiches.
After the food is gone, Guy #1 reveals that Guy #2 could have kept his baloney sandwich and gotten a free PBJ. Guy #1 says, “Hey, if you’re still hungry, there are extra peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches on a table in the lunchroom. For free.”
Guy #2 gets angry, yelling, “Don’t tell me what to do, motherfucker!” Then he walks away.
Minutes later, Guy #2 returns — and punches Guy #1 in the right ear.
COP’S UNLUCKY DAY: An officer got a call about a lovers’ dispute erupting in a Reynoldstown home. When the cop arrived, both lovers were gone. In the front yard, a few people milled about. One said the boyfriend and girlfriend both took off running toward Berean Avenue. So the cop hopped into his patrol car and headed that way. Quickly, the cop spotted the running boyfriend, and yelled, “Stop, let’s talk and figure this out.” Boyfriend keeps running. “I was then able to pull ahead of the male in my city vehicle and exit the patrol car,” the cop noted. “I grabbed the male by his shirt … and the male yelled, ‘She’s just mad I caught her cheating.’”
The cop and boyfriend talk for a minute. Suddenly, the boyfriend yells, “Your car is rolling backward!”  Sure enough, the cop’s patrol car is now rolling at a brisk speed down the street. The cop hops into the car, trying to hit the brakes … but it’s too late. The patrol car slams “into a pole at the intersection of Narrow Street and Berean Avenue.” The cop walks over to inspect the damage, and the boyfriend sprints away.
Eventually, the cop secures his patrol car and goes back to the couple’s Reynoldstown home to check on the feuding lovers. All OK. No one wants to press charges. The girlfriend says she only called police because she wanted her cell phone back — and the boyfriend took off running with her phone. But since he’s returned her cell phone, she’s not mad.
The cop’s patrol car sustained significant damage. Plus, the cop’s body got a bit banged up. “I did hurt my elbow and left leg when I attempted to stop the vehicle, but I did not need medical attention,” he noted.
GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND: At a pizza place on Glenwood Avenue, trouble broke out in the kitchen over dough. The shift leader told a female employee that she wasn’t folding the pizza dough correctly. Apparently, the female employee didn’t handle the dough criticism very well. The pizza restaurant’s manager stepped in and told the female employee to go home and cool off. Then, while the manager was taking out the trash, a male employee said he didn’t want to work there any more. So who does the pizza manager call to cover the quitter’s shift? The lousy-dough-folding female employee he just sent home. She returns to work. Then, the male employee who just quit his job … suddenly starts throwing produce and food all over the place. “I observed pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, and olives on the floor,” an officer noted.
YOU BE ILLIN’: Around 3 a.m, a cop observed a guy walking near the Bobby Jones Golf Course on Northside Drive … and stopped him to make sure he was OK. The man, age 31, was carrying a travel bag of clothes. “The man told me that he wants to go to the hospital, because he is suffering from an illness that is causing his body to eat his muscles,” the officer noted. Also, the man insisted proteins are blocking his kidney, which makes it difficult for him to pee. “He goes on to tell me his kidney is hurting, his back hurts — and his feet are on fire.” So the officer calls Grady medics. The man keeps talking while they wait for medics to arrive … insisting that he’s also a wanted outlaw man with a mental illness and violent tendencies.
The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,3                                 THE BLOTTER: What’s up, Doc? "
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Police Blotter

Thursday September 5, 2019 10:43 am EDT
Sleeping it off in a bed of carrots | more...

More By This Writer

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  string(5002) "NATURE LOVES A LOCKDOWN: A wild turkey was spotted in East Atlanta Village (probably headed to the Earl for Wild Turkey shots). Peacocks roamed freely in Kirkwood. And in Decatur? One neighborhood denizen wrote, “The Dude on South McDonough a half hour ago, directing traffic so a turtle could cross the road — is exactly the hero Decatur needs right now — he low-key won the day.”

Another Decatur resident responded: “Nice. The last time I helped a turtle in the middle of E. Davis, by putting him on the side of the street he was heading to, he peed on me.”

JUST OUT FOR A JOG: In Lawrenceville, a 14-year-old African-American male says he was out running for exercise in his subdivision when he was accosted by two white males. He said the men in a silver 4-door car pulled alongside him and yelled extremely derogatory insults, before spitting on his arm. During a pandemic.

The 14-year-old says: “It was very disturbing that I had someone’s bodily fluid on my arm.”

The teen adds: “They yelled things like ‘You’re poor!’ and ‘Go back to your ‘hood.’ They also used racial slurs to describe me.”

The 14-year-old’s mother says her son was instructed by his football coach to start running to prepare for the upcoming football season.

DECATUR DICKHEAD: About 30 people decided to hold a Black Lives Matter protest on a street corner in Decatur, holding up signs.

“For the most part, we were greeted with signs of support — from honks to thumbs up!” reports one protest organizer. “Towards the end, an older (white) man drove by while yelling that we were ignorant.” About two minutes later, the older white man showed up on foot at the protest “and started using the N-word,” reports the protest organizer. “Not afraid of a good fight, I let him know I wasn’t afraid of his ignorant rants. Then, he got ugly. This man got in my face and spit on me. Twice. He then yelled, ‘I have the COVID-19.’

The spitter wore a T-shirt that read: “Math Counts.”

That wasn’t all. A fellow organizer followed the older white guy to his car, intending to snap a pic of his license plate. “When the man saw him taking a photo, he shouted, “I’ll shoot you, N-lover. Why don’t you suck a N-dick?” 

The older white man lives in Decatur. Yes, Decatur. The land of hemp clothes and yoga. He wore plaid shorts, that t-shirt, and a white baseball cap.

The protest organizer posted photos of the man (and his license plate) on Facebook. “I have called the police,” he says. “This man belongs in jail.”

MESSAGING MALFUNCTION: In Buckhead, a restaurant called OK CAFÉ displayed a perplexing banner during a recent student-led march called Buckhead4BlackLives.

The banner, proudly displayed across the restaurant’s storefront, read in huge letters: “LIVES THAT MATTER ARE MADE WITH POSITIVE PURPOSE,” alongside a booth that read “OK Café Tea Party.”

A Georgia Tech student organizer of the march says, “It’s such cryptic wording that we feel like they were trying to step around it, while not actually saying ‘All Lives Matter.’”

Other signs displayed at OK Café include: “Law & Order = Peace,” “OK Café Loves America,” and “We Support the Georgia Police Force.”

The restaurant’s female co-owner — when quizzed by food and dining network Eater about her controversial signage  — had this to say via email:

“The mass and unhinged violence and destruction of business across America was purposeless, anti-American and destroyed the concept of law and order. A message of positive purpose needed to be said. I hope to see many similar messages posted too as Business is the glue of our free society.”

The Blotter Diva says, Shove it, lady. If “Business” (with a capital  is the glue of our free society … then, we’re all about to come unglued. Quickly.

THIS IS FUCKING POST-GEORGE FLOYD AMERICA: A police officer held two African-American boys (ages 13 and 15) at gunpoint in Clayton County.

Police say the boys showed them a BB gun hidden in the bushes — and it looked like a real semi-automatic pistol.

One person standing nearby was heard pleading with the officers: “Please sir, don’t shoot. They’re kids. What did they do?”

Another person cried out, “Why you got a gun out?”

The officer replied, “Because I’m being safe.”

The boys’ mother says: “If this community in Clayton County didn’t come out for them, I wonder if one of these boys wouldn’t have made it home. … These kids were shadow-boxing near the convenience store, playing with each other as kids do. The community begged the officer to put his gun away. Police harassment is real!!! A gun before a Taser on black CHILDREN?”

The 15-year-old says: “I thought I was going to die. Because you see all these black kids dying.”

Community activists are calling for the Clayton County police officer to be fired. —CL—"
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  string(5038) "__NATURE LOVES A LOCKDOWN__: A wild turkey was spotted in East Atlanta Village (probably headed to the Earl for Wild Turkey shots). Peacocks roamed freely in Kirkwood. And in Decatur? One neighborhood denizen wrote, “The Dude on South McDonough a half hour ago, directing traffic so a turtle could cross the road — is exactly the hero Decatur needs right now — he low-key won the day.”

Another Decatur resident responded: “Nice. The last time I helped a turtle in the middle of E. Davis, by putting him on the side of the street he was heading to, he peed on me.”

__JUST OUT FOR A JOG:__ In Lawrenceville, a 14-year-old African-American male says he was out running for exercise in his subdivision when he was accosted by two white males. He said the men in a silver 4-door car pulled alongside him and yelled extremely derogatory insults, before spitting on his arm. During a pandemic.

The 14-year-old says: “It was very disturbing that I had someone’s bodily fluid on my arm.”

The teen adds: “They yelled things like ‘You’re poor!’ and ‘Go back to your ‘hood.’ They also used racial slurs to describe me.”

The 14-year-old’s mother says her son was instructed by his football coach to start running to prepare for the upcoming football season.

__DECATUR DICKHEAD__'':'' About 30 people decided to hold a Black Lives Matter protest on a street corner in Decatur, holding up signs.

“For the most part, we were greeted with signs of support — from honks to thumbs up!” reports one protest organizer. “Towards the end, an older (white) man drove by while yelling that we were ignorant.” About two minutes later, the older white man showed up on foot at the protest “and started using the N-word,” reports the protest organizer. “Not afraid of a good fight, I let him know I wasn’t afraid of his ignorant rants. Then, he got ugly. This man got in my face and spit on me. Twice. He then yelled, ‘I have the COVID-19.’

The spitter wore a T-shirt that read: “Math Counts.”

That wasn’t all. A fellow organizer followed the older white guy to his car, intending to snap a pic of his license plate. “When the man saw him taking a photo, he shouted, “I’ll shoot you, N-lover. Why don’t you suck a N-dick?” 

The older white man lives in Decatur. Yes, Decatur. The land of hemp clothes and yoga. He wore plaid shorts, that t-shirt, and a white baseball cap.

The protest organizer posted photos of the man (and his license plate) on Facebook. “I have called the police,” he says. “This man belongs in jail.”

__MESSAGING MALFUNCTION:__ In Buckhead, a restaurant called OK CAFÉ displayed a perplexing banner during a recent student-led march called Buckhead4BlackLives.

The banner, proudly displayed across the restaurant’s storefront, read in huge letters: “LIVES THAT MATTER ARE MADE WITH POSITIVE PURPOSE,” alongside a booth that read “OK Café Tea Party.”

A Georgia Tech student organizer of the march says, “It’s such cryptic wording that we feel like they were trying to step around it, while not actually saying ‘All Lives Matter.’”

Other signs displayed at OK Café include: “Law & Order = Peace,” “OK Café Loves America,” and “We Support the Georgia Police Force.”

The restaurant’s female co-owner — when quizzed by food and dining network Eater about her controversial signage  — had this to say via email:

“The mass and unhinged violence and destruction of business across America was purposeless, anti-American and destroyed the concept of law and order. A message of positive purpose needed to be said. I hope to see many similar messages posted too as Business is the glue of our free society.”

The Blotter Diva says, Shove it, lady. If “Business” (with a capital (:cool:) is the glue of our free society … then, we’re all about to come unglued. Quickly.

__THIS IS FUCKING POST-GEORGE FLOYD AMERICA:__ A police officer held two African-American boys (ages 13 and 15) at gunpoint in Clayton County.

Police say the boys showed them a BB gun hidden in the bushes — and it looked like a real semi-automatic pistol.

One person standing nearby was heard pleading with the officers: “Please sir, don’t shoot. They’re kids. What did they do?”

Another person cried out, “Why you got a gun out?”

The officer replied, “Because I’m being safe.”

The boys’ mother says: “If this community in Clayton County didn’t come out for them, I wonder if one of these boys wouldn’t have made it home. … These kids were shadow-boxing near the convenience store, playing with each other as kids do. The community begged the officer to put his gun away. Police harassment is real!!! A gun before a Taser on black CHILDREN?”

The 15-year-old says: “I thought I was going to die. Because you see all these black kids dying.”

Community activists are calling for the Clayton County police officer to be fired. __—CL—__"
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Another Decatur resident responded: “Nice. The last time I helped a turtle in the middle of E. Davis, by putting him on the side of the street he was heading to, he peed on me.”

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The 14-year-old says: “It was very disturbing that I had someone’s bodily fluid on my arm.”

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DECATUR DICKHEAD: About 30 people decided to hold a Black Lives Matter protest on a street corner in Decatur, holding up signs.

“For the most part, we were greeted with signs of support — from honks to thumbs up!” reports one protest organizer. “Towards the end, an older (white) man drove by while yelling that we were ignorant.” About two minutes later, the older white man showed up on foot at the protest “and started using the N-word,” reports the protest organizer. “Not afraid of a good fight, I let him know I wasn’t afraid of his ignorant rants. Then, he got ugly. This man got in my face and spit on me. Twice. He then yelled, ‘I have the COVID-19.’

The spitter wore a T-shirt that read: “Math Counts.”

That wasn’t all. A fellow organizer followed the older white guy to his car, intending to snap a pic of his license plate. “When the man saw him taking a photo, he shouted, “I’ll shoot you, N-lover. Why don’t you suck a N-dick?” 

The older white man lives in Decatur. Yes, Decatur. The land of hemp clothes and yoga. He wore plaid shorts, that t-shirt, and a white baseball cap.

The protest organizer posted photos of the man (and his license plate) on Facebook. “I have called the police,” he says. “This man belongs in jail.”

MESSAGING MALFUNCTION: In Buckhead, a restaurant called OK CAFÉ displayed a perplexing banner during a recent student-led march called Buckhead4BlackLives.

The banner, proudly displayed across the restaurant’s storefront, read in huge letters: “LIVES THAT MATTER ARE MADE WITH POSITIVE PURPOSE,” alongside a booth that read “OK Café Tea Party.”

A Georgia Tech student organizer of the march says, “It’s such cryptic wording that we feel like they were trying to step around it, while not actually saying ‘All Lives Matter.’”

Other signs displayed at OK Café include: “Law & Order = Peace,” “OK Café Loves America,” and “We Support the Georgia Police Force.”

The restaurant’s female co-owner — when quizzed by food and dining network Eater about her controversial signage  — had this to say via email:

“The mass and unhinged violence and destruction of business across America was purposeless, anti-American and destroyed the concept of law and order. A message of positive purpose needed to be said. I hope to see many similar messages posted too as Business is the glue of our free society.”

The Blotter Diva says, Shove it, lady. If “Business” (with a capital  is the glue of our free society … then, we’re all about to come unglued. Quickly.

THIS IS FUCKING POST-GEORGE FLOYD AMERICA: A police officer held two African-American boys (ages 13 and 15) at gunpoint in Clayton County.

Police say the boys showed them a BB gun hidden in the bushes — and it looked like a real semi-automatic pistol.

One person standing nearby was heard pleading with the officers: “Please sir, don’t shoot. They’re kids. What did they do?”

Another person cried out, “Why you got a gun out?”

The officer replied, “Because I’m being safe.”

The boys’ mother says: “If this community in Clayton County didn’t come out for them, I wonder if one of these boys wouldn’t have made it home. … These kids were shadow-boxing near the convenience store, playing with each other as kids do. The community begged the officer to put his gun away. Police harassment is real!!! A gun before a Taser on black CHILDREN?”

The 15-year-old says: “I thought I was going to die. Because you see all these black kids dying.”

Community activists are calling for the Clayton County police officer to be fired. —CL—    Illustration: Tray Butler   0,0,10    theblotter                             THE BLOTTER: Animals in the street and roaming "
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Tuesday June 30, 2020 11:57 am EDT
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  string(4275) "PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(4319) "__PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1:__ Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. ''Newsweek'' magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

__KNOCKED UP:__ A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

__SHAKE IT, SUGAR:__ A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

__CONTAGIOUS VIBES:__ In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

__JURASSIC PARK DUO:__ Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a ''Tyrannosaurus rex''; the second a ''Stegosaurus''. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

__PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2:__ A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —__CL__—

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  string(4695) " 0520blot Cough V3 Web  2020-05-11T17:05:39+00:00 0520blot-cough-v3_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 31010  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: The ‘coughing bandit’ strikes jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00  PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

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The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10    theblotter                             THE BLOTTER: The ‘coughing bandit’ strikes "
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Friday May 1, 2020 12:05 am EDT
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  string(7249) "In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the [https://www.kgw.com/article/news/local/the-story/newport-police-ask-residents-not-to-call-911-over-toilet-paper-shortages/283-159f5b17-f923-41cf-b5f0-52fb187baf96|police department in Newport, Oregon] got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on [https://www.facebook.com/NewportPolice/photos/a.10150611383469944/10151320061939944/?type=3&theater|Facebook]. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

__ALL THAT GLITTERS:__ One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

__REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS:__ A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

__MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS:__ Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

__GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN!__ In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

__CHIP ON THE SHOULDER?__ In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

__BITTER FRUIT:__ On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

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  string(7682) " 0420 Blot TP Final Web  2020-04-10T20:11:05+00:00 0420_blot-TP-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 30525  2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00  In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   -84.4236492,33.7008587,15  The Blotter: All That Glitters  blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! "
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Article

Friday April 10, 2020 04:05 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(6083) "A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET:__ At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II:__ A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

__HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT:__ In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

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__VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE?__ In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

__STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK:__ Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

__BITCH OF THE MONTH:__ A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). __—CL—__

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  string(6510) " 0320blot Plant Fight Final Web  2020-03-02T18:19:47+00:00 0320blot-plant-fight-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 29578  2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00  A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10   cl-issue-march-2020 blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest "
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Article

Monday March 2, 2020 01:18 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(39) "THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it"
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  string(14) "LAUREN KEATING"
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  string(9946) "PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(9978) "P__UTTIN’ ON THE RITZ:__ Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1:__ Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

__ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH:__ A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

__THE EX FILES:__ Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

__BITCH WITH A DOG:__ A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

__PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE:__ A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II:__ A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. __— CL —__ 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(10331) " 0220blot Winter Moon 01  2020-02-04T20:48:19+00:00 0220blot-winter-moon-01.jpg     And other tales of life in the ATL 28530  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it will.cardwell@gmail.com Will Cardwell LAUREN KEATING  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00  PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,1                                 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it "
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Tuesday February 4, 2020 02:03 pm EST
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