The Blotter: Crapshoot

A woman parked her car outside her home near Westside's Beltline Park. Around 2 a.m., long after she went to sleep, the woman heard a loud noise followed by what sounded like young people laughing. The next morning the woman discovered her car had been smashed with a "soiled commode." The filthy toilet left severe damage to her car's roof and front windshield. Cops asked her if there were any suspects. The woman didn't have a clue why anyone would smash her car with a poo-filled toilet. The cop talked to the woman's neighbors and noted, "The next-door neighbor advised that the commode has been laying on the pavement for days, but never got picked up."

Waste matters

In Fairlie-Poplar, police heard a security guard scream near the Rialto Center for Arts. A married couple from Huntington Beach, Calif., was "giggling as they staggered away from the scene," a cop noted. The husband "was zipping up his pants." The security guard pointed to a dark-green Pontiac and yelled, "That guy just peed on my car!"

The cop investigated the area for clues. "I observed the city-owned sidewalk was wet underneath" the Pontiac's bumper, the cop noted. Quickly, the cop arrested the 30-year-old husband on public urination charges. His wife yelled, "What are you doing to him?" as the cop handcuffed her husband and put him in the patrol car. Then the 27-year-old wife declared that she's going with her husband to jail. The cop sat the wife down and explained where Atlanta City Jail is located and how she could bail out her hubby. The wife walked over to the patrol car and demanded to ride with her husband to the jail so she could get him out fast. Absolutely no way, the cop said.

According to the police report, the wife then strolled into the middle of Forsyth Street and refused to move. Promptly, the cop arrested her for disorderly conduct. Still, he didn't put the wife in the patrol car with her husband. Instead, the cop called a paddy wagon to transport the wife.

Mad money

In Midtown, a man with dreadlocks walked into a bank and yelled, "Fuck you" to bank workers and customers. The man was wearing a yellow shirt and khaki pants. Several bank guards told the man to leave the bank immediately. The man ignored them and kept yelling, "Fuck you!" as customers walked in and out of the bank. Then the man walked outside, balled up his fists, and started punching the bank's windows. Next, the irate man "exposed his penis outside his trousers and urinated" on the sidewalk. When a cop arrived, the man was trying to force himself back into the bank while security guards held him at bay. The man continued to curse while the cops handcuffed him and put him in a patrol car. The suspect, a 32-year-old man, refused to reveal his name. The suspect went to jail on charges of public urination, disorderly conduct, and refusing to identify himself.

Fowl play

A man went berserk at a Church's Chicken in the West End. A cop said the man, who was a regular at the restaurant, started "screaming at cars and screaming at the manager." Apparently, the same man had alledgedly grabbed two sets of boobs — the female manager and another female employee — before cops arrived. Also, he was yelling and spitting on cars in the drive-through line. Cops took the 44-year-old suspect to jail on numerous charges.

Keep it movin'

Trouble broke out at a Chick-fil-A near Lindbergh Center. A woman from Conyers said she was waiting in line at the drive-through when the guy in front of her refused to move. The woman blew her horn because the guy was holding up traffic. He did not move. The woman blasted her horn again and drove beside his car. The man reportedly threw up his hands and cursed at the woman.

The man told the woman to roll down her window. The woman said her driver's window barely works, so she cracked the window and said, "I don't have to roll down my window, cracker" and threw up her middle finger. The woman said she turned away for a moment and the man slammed a large drink all over her and her car. The woman said she followed the guy to a nearby golf course where he alledgedly almost ran over a man in a golf cart.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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