The Blotter: Dog days

Dog poop recently sparked a Buckhead brawl. A 56-year-old man watched as a leashed dog left poop "droppings" in his yard. Outraged, the man rushed outside and got into an argument with the dog's owner, a 37-year-old man. The 56-year-old man said the dog owner approached him in an aggressive manner, so he took the dog owner to the ground to prevent a possible assault. A woman stepped between the brawling men and tried to break up the fight, but her arm was slapped down.

A cop arrived to settle the shit squabble. The cop asked the dog owner what happened. "He advised that he doesn't know because he is drunk," the cop noted, "but he did admit that the altercation got physical." The dog owner continued to yell loudly and repeated that he wasn't going to "rat anyone out." Also, the dog owner called the cop an "asshole" and a "fucker." The cop arrested the dog owner and drove him to the Buckhead police precinct. The dog owner "sat on the floor and began to strike his head on the desk in the detention room," the cop noted.

A police sergeant walked into the detention room and the dog owner allegedly stood up and yelled, "I'm going to go for your gun," then reached for the sergeant's duty belt, according to the police report. The sergeant charged the dog owner with disorderly conduct — lucky for the dog owner because charges could have been much worse for attempting to grab a cop's gun — and drove him to the detention center at Grady Memorial Hospital. Upon arrival, the dog owner refused to go inside, declaring that he was suddenly "paralyzed and could not walk." The dog owner had to be physically taken into Grady.

Hot air

On Moreland Avenue, cops stopped a 53-year-old man driving a black Honda Accord for allegedly weaving across lanes. The cop noted the driver "would not make eye contact with me and his speech was very slurred — to the point that it was difficult to understand what he was saying." The cop asked the driver if he had any medical conditions. According to the police report, the driver replied, "I have glaucosis (sic)" and that he just got eyeglasses. The cop asked if he had any other health issues. "High cholesterol and all that shit," the driver replied. The driver flunked some sobriety tests, including the walking test, and tried to blame it on his health issues. "I'm not drunk, I'm sick," he declared. "I have high cholesterol and shit!" Cops searched his car and found an open bottle of Seagram's Gin underneath the passenger seat.

The 53-year-old man's next mistake happened during the Breathalyzer test. The driver "wrapped his lips around the mouthpiece and began to suck in," the cop noted. The cop stopped the test and explained that he needed to blow into the instrument, not suck. Once again the driver "began to suck on the mouthpiece." Again, the cop instructed the driver to blow, not suck. At this point, the driver lost his balance, stumbled backward, and fell to the ground.

It gets worse. A computer check revealed the man's driver's license was suspended, and his car had no valid insurance or registration. Apparently, he swiped his license plate from another car. The 53-year-old driver went to jail on numerous charges.

Techno failure

In Downtown, a man driving a black Mercedes got into an accident with another car. The Mercedes driver admitted he'd had one Bud Lite. The cop noted, "He did not seem to be so intoxicated that he would be unable to drive a motor vehicle, however I had a DUI certified trooper from the Ga. State Patrol administer [the] test — which he failed." Still, in order to convict the man, the cop needed to administer an actual Atlanta Police Breathalyzer test. "I took him to the city jail to take a breath test. However nobody at the city jail was able to operate the Breathalyzer machine," the cop noted. So the cop dialed up colleagues at Georgia Tech for some technology advice. "I asked for assistance from the GA Tech PD, to see if they knew how to operate it — and they did not." How hard is it to operate a Breathalyzer? The Mercedes driver got lucky and received a lesser charge.

School spirit

At a Buckhead high school, a college advisor said someone urinated on his desk over the weekend. The college advisor looked at the school's surveillance tape and saw a male student walk into the his office while a female student waited outside. The male student wore a sweatshirt with the name of his own high school in Southwest Atlanta. About 30 minutes later, the male student showed up again with a different girl and walked into the college advisor's office. They left 40 minutes later. The school clerk took still photos from the surveillance tape and forwarded them to the Atlanta high school advertised on suspect's sweatshirt, where they were able to identify the students.

Note: If you are going to commit a crime at a rival high school, don't wear your own school's sweatshirt while committing the deed.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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