The Blotter: Eye candy

A 44-year-old woman said she met an older man wearing an eye patch at a friend’s party. The man with the eye patch offered the woman $20 for a ride to Kirkwood. She agreed, even though she didn’t know the guy’s name, and drove him to a house on Memorial Drive. When they arrived, the man said that his sister sells shoes and he asked the woman to try on a pair. The woman agreed, and went inside his house to try on shoes. Apparently, the shoes didn’t fit, so she tried to leave. According to the woman, the man with the eye patch shut the door, pushed her onto a bed, grabbed her neck, and stole about $45 from her wallet. The woman said her phone re-dialed the last call she made, and when the man heard someone on the phone he let her go. The woman ran out the door and called 911. Cops weren’t sure what to make of her story. Officers knocked on the front door of the man’s home, but no one answered. Also, the woman’s neck had no visible injuries.

Red alert, part 1

At Underground Atlanta, a man wearing sunglasses with “bright, unnatural red” hair limped into a shoe store while clutching a wooden cane. He wore a black shirt and denim shorts. The redhead hobbled near the cash register, and then allegedly lunged for 10 pairs of athletic socks (worth $180), stuffing the socks into his bag. The clerk hollered at him and asked the man where he was going with the socks. The red-haired man reportedly “increased his pace to a run” and sprinted from the shoe store. Police scoured Underground Atlanta for the redhead, but he was gone.

Red alert, part 2

Outside a Candler Park church, a man with a red beard, wearing red shorts, a turquoise tank top, and a straw hat walked up to a white car and slashed three tires while people inside the church watched. Then the red-bearded man walked away, heading west on Ponce de Leon Avenue. The car’s owner, a 66-year-old man, said he has never met the red-bearded man and has no idea why the suspect would viciously attack his car.

Fashion meltdown

A 40-year-old man recently called 911 and cops rushed to his apartment. The reason for his 911 call? The man said he was really upset because his phone was stolen at his church. “I found my phone later on and somehow whoever had my phone has used my number and my name on social media ... telling people I’ve been dressing up like a woman and trying to talk to [a man] online,” the man said. “I want a police report so I can show that it’s not me that’s calling people and doing this.” So the cop wrote up a report and gave a case number to the frantic man, who said, “This is what I need to show it’s not me who’s on social media doing this.”

Polka-dot plot

A catfight broke out between two cousins on Luckie Street. A 33-year-old in a white polka-dot dress, no shoes, and “shaved hair on both sides of her head” started brawling with her cousin. Polka Dot hurled a candle at her cousin, while female neighbors rushed outside to see the commotion. “Y’all nosey bitches need to mind y’all business, what the fuck y’all looking at?” screamed Polka Dot. Then she allegedly hurled her cell phone and a bottle of bug spray at her cousin. Wisely, the cousin took off running. Polka Dot stormed back into her apartment for a moment, and returned to her front porch with a shotgun. According to her neighbors, Polka Dot “then racked the action of the shotgun while still engaging in choice words.” When cops arrived, they heard “loud yelling” behind the apartment building. Polka Dot was screaming and trying to get into her apartment’s back door. Also, Polka Dot “had minor cuts to the face,” a cop noted. Polka Dot went to jail on disorderly conduct charges. A shotgun shell and the can of bug spray were turned in as evidence.

Vision quest

Employees were closing a bar in Ansley Park when a drunk 28-year-old man frantically banged on the window, hollering about his missing prescription glasses. Hours before, he and friends had drinks at the bar — until they all left together for another watering hole. The manager checked behind the bar for the glasses. No luck. The manager told the drunk man to move along, but he wouldn’t leave. Employees called the man a taxi but he refused to get it. When police arrived, the sloshed man declared that his prescription glasses mysteriously disappeared at this bar, and he wasn’t leaving until his glasses were returned. Moments later, the drunk man wavered, going “back and forth between whether or not he lost his glasses or someone took his glasses,” the cop noted, adding that he gave the plastered man “more than enough opportunities to leave ... and calm down.” Eventually the manager decided to press charges against the drunk man for beating on the bar window. The drunk man went to jail without his glasses.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.