The Blotter: Head games

In Grant Park, a 30-year-old man walked into a police precinct to report a fraudulent charity. He said "his ex-wife had been fooling everyone that she had brain cancer for the past 10 years, including her own family," the officer wrote. "He showed me an online charity where she raised [money] to help her fight brain cancer." The officer continued, "During the past 10 years [the ex-wife] has been repeatedly shaving her head and obtaining hospital wristbands in an effort to show that she was undergoing chemotherapy treatment ... However, when [the ex-husband] — whom she gave power of attorney to — looked up all of her medical records, there was no record of her [ever] being diagnosed with any form of cancer."

The ex-husband pulled out his ex-wife's medical records and showed them to the cop. The man said that in addition to the first charity, his ex-wife set up a second online charity that raised more than $3,000 for the same cause — her fake brain cancer. "[He] stated that his ex-wife has spent most of the money and he believed she would likely flee the state."

Must be a Falcons fan

Police responded to a call about a traffic accident on Cleveland Avenue. According to a witness, the suspected driver was alledgedly a drunk man with his pants unzipped, who wandered around a nearby convenience store. The cop went into the store and found the suspicious driver. "Also, he was swaying back and forth as he walked," the officer noted. "I asked, 'Why is your zipper down?' and he stated, 'I don't know' and attempted to pull it up, but couldn't." The officer asked if he'd had anything to drink recently. "I usually drink beer, but today I was drinking Absolut vodka," the swaying man replied.

After a few sobriety tests, the officer charged the man with a DUI and put him inside the patrol car. The man began to weep. "While in the back seat, he started crying and asked someone to wipe the snot coming from his nose," the officer noted. Sobbing, the man explained, "I only drink when football games are on." Then he asked if the officers could take him home so he could go to sleep. "We declined and he started using profane language toward us," the officer noted. "On the way to jail he started crying again, stating, 'Please don't take me to jail.'"

Proud ATL legs

A 23-year-old man said he returned to his apartment to find his patio door wide open. He walked inside and called police, realizing he'd been robbed. Items reported stolen from the man's bedroom include a TV, a studio microphone, one black microphone stand, headphones, a camera, one pair of Radii sneakers, his Ray-Ban sunglasses, and finally, his one pair of red "Atlanta" stockings.

No street smarts

On Lee Street, a 22-year-old man allegedly went berserk in traffic. He was "screaming, cursing and yelling at cars, while getting in front of vehicles," an officer noted. "He also threw/slammed a white foam cup into the middle of the street." The officer approached the irate man, who explained that he was outraged because a car almost ran over him and didn't stop. Then his logic took a turn. "[He] stated that he then stayed in the middle of the street, so that another vehicle could run him over." The officer promptly took the man to jail and charged him with littering and violating his pedestrian duties.

Pole pruner

A totaled black Oldsmobile was abandoned on Plaza Lane. "It appeared the vehicle left the roadway and struck a city of Atlanta light pole and destroyed the light," an officer noted. The Oldsmobile had extensive damage and one frosty clue inside: "a half-empty, still cold can of Bud Ice."

The cop ran a computer check on the Oldsmobile's license plate, which revealed the owner lived a few blocks away. The cop went to the owner's home for a chat. "I asked him where he was in the last 30 minutes to which he replied he'd been in an accident but stated he left the scene unaware that he needed to stand by. [He] was visibly intoxicated and could not maintain his balance," the officer noted. Also, the man "urinated on himself while talking to me, stating he was nervous."

The man said he was not drinking at the time of the accident, but when he got home he quickly downed two shots of liquor. The cop didn't buy the man's creative drinking excuse. The man went to jail, charged with a DUI and destroying a light pole.

Pastry punishment

A woman told police that her children's father came over to her apartment to get all of his stuff and then refused to leave. According to the woman, the man said he wanted to do something to her just because, so he yanked a birthday cake from the oven and alledgedly threw it in the woman's face. Also, he reached into the refrigerator, grabbed raw eggs and water, and smeared them on the woman and all over the apartment. The man left before police arrived.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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