The Blotter: Hot Auguste nights

Seven statuettes by famed sculptor Auguste Rodin were reported missing from a Buckhead art gallery. Workers have been frantically searching for the valuable works for at least two weeks. The art gallery’s manager said there were no break-ins or suspicious alarm calls at the gallery. “[The manager] said that the alarm system has motion sensors in the area where the statues were stored ... and the statues must have been taken during normal business hours,” the reporting officer noted. “When they have events at the gallery, they have two Fulton County sheriffs working as security.” The owner plans to report the Rodin sculpture theft to the National Art Registry.

This planet’s on fire

On a recent summer evening, a group of friends were enjoying drinks on the patio at a Virginia-Highland bar. A suspicious woman with blond curly hair, wearing a white tank top and denim shorts, was hanging around the patio. A 25-year-old woman said the suspicious woman leaned in and tried to snatch her purse, but she yanked it back just in time. Then the suspicious woman snatched the 25-year-old’s iPhone from the table. The 25-year-old woman’s fiancé chased the thief down the street. The thief tried to hop into a champagne-colored car waiting for her at corner gas station — but the car’s doors were locked. The fiancé caught the thief, noting, “I grabbed her by the arm and she threw the phone into traffic on Highland Avenue. Some other citizens helped me grab her and she punched and kicked us. I let go of her after she punched me in the groin.”

A cop found the thief on Vance Avenue “trying to use some woman’s cell phone.” The cop dragged her back to the Virginia-Highland bar for identification. “That’s her ... good job,” the engaged couple said. Other people on the bar patio clapped their hands and said, “That’s her!” The suspicious woman, who hails from Smyrna, went to jail. Apparently, whoever was waiting for her in the champagne-colored getaway car did get away without being caught.

Cruel summer

Another suspicious person wearing a white tank top and denim jeans possibly made a miraculous recovery this summer. A 26-year-old woman called police about a fight she had with her boyfriend, who was upset because he saw another man in her car days ago. The woman said she was walking to her neighborhood when her boyfriend spotted her and threw water in her face. According to cop, “She informed me that [her boyfriend] was paralyzed from the waist down — and that he jumped out of his wheelchair and leaped on top of her.” The woman said her paralyzed boyfriend started hitting her face and then jumped into a friend’s white car and sped away.

Great balls of fire

A police recruit “was cutting the grass at the Atlanta Police Academy when he was bitten by insects to his left leg and right testicle area,” according to a police report. “He complained of swelling and was sent to get medical treatment.”

Blister in the sun

On Ralph David Abernathy Boulevard, cops saw a 25-year-old woman strutting down the street, wearing a black T-shirt and “no pants or panties.” An officer got closer to the semi-nude lady. “I stopped the woman and advised her to put her pants on. She then bent over and exposed her vagina.” The cop took the half-nude woman to jail on public indecency charges. Once inside the jail, the woman stripped off every remaining piece clothing — her black T-shirt and bra — until she was naked. A jail nurse called cops to take the nude woman for a psych evaluation.

Saturday in the park

At around 1 a.m., a group of people were gathered in Little Five Points’ Findley Plaza. “I stopped the patrol car and made an announcement that the park was closed and everyone needed to leave,” a cop noted. “I made the announcement at least two times. Everyone began to leave except for one male who remained seated on a park bench ... I asked the man if he heard the announcement about vacating the park, and he stated that he did. I then asked the male why didn’t he leave after hearing the announcement and he stated, ‘Because I don’t give a fuck.’” During the arrest, the man allegedly tensed up and jerked his arms away. The cop called for backup to handcuff the man. “Once the male was in custody, I asked him for his name and he stated it was ‘Jesus Christ,’” the cop wrote. The man, 33, hails from Winston-Salem, N.C. His bookbag was turned in as evidence.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.