The Blotter: Kiddie kerfuffle

At a Midtown hotel, a 29-year-old woman caused a “huge disturbance on the conference level, which at the time was playing host to a children’s dance contest,” police noted. The woman allegedly started disrupting the kids’ dance routines and “yelling outlandish statements.” Then the woman “began ranting that the management company in charge of the event was responsible for a child exploitation ring taking place in Atlanta. [The woman] repeatedly stated she was a lawyer, having attended Emory Law School and was working the case,” an officer noted.

Hotel security guards asked the woman to leave several times. No dice. A cop asked the woman what was wrong and the woman replied, “I am a lawyer working a child exploitation case here in Atlanta and the management company here is responsible for a huge ring here.”

The cop asked the woman if she had a signed warrant to investigate the issue. “Well, I don’t have a warrant from an actual judgment,” the woman responded. Once again, security guards asked her to scram. “You have no right to ask me to leave,” the woman said. “This doesn’t bother you? You are sick.” Apparently, her concern for children did not extend to cursing around them. The woman allegedly “began using profane language at the hotel staff and residents walking in and out of the lobby,” the cop noted. “At the time, there was an active lobby with groups of children flowing in and out.”

Another problem: The woman appeared inebriated. “[Her] eyes were low and glazed and she had a strong odor of alcohol,” the cop observed. The cop handcuffed the woman and took her outside the hotel. The woman “aggressively screamed and kicked the back of the patrol vehicle as I wrote out her ticket,” the cop recalled. During this time, the woman’s fiancé showed up and asked why she was being arrested. When the woman spotted her fiancé, her “aggressive behavior worsened once she recognized his presence,” the cop wrote. The woman allegedly tried to spit on and kick a few cops. When the paddy wagon showed up, the woman “once again ... began screaming and banging on the walls, shaking the wagon,” the cop noted.

Perplexed, the fiancé asked police how the woman got to the hotel. The last time he saw her, they were at a nearby restaurant with friends, and the woman “had a couple drinks too many and disappeared.”

The woman went to jail on several charges.

Out of the blue

In West Atlanta, a 38-year-old man parked his pickup truck outside a gas station, leaving the keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked, and ran inside to purchase an item. As he dashed into the store, he saw a young woman with blue hair standing on the corner. After buying his item, he walked back outside and realized his blue pickup was gone — along with the blue-haired woman. Police issued a lookout for a blue-haired gal driving the stolen pickup truck.

Unclassy act

Outside a nightclub near Cheshire Bridge Road, a 25-year-old man lost a piece of paper he spent years earning (and likely a whole lot of money). The man went into the nightclub and returned to his car after 3 a.m. As he got closer to his car, he realized the passenger window was shattered. Missing items include the man’s MacBook Air computer, credit cards, and his college diploma.

Note to self: When going clubbing, do not leave college diploma in car.

Stupid move of the week

In Piedmont Park, two cops spotted a man standing with his “back facing us, with his hands in his genital region. It appeared as if the gentleman heard us pull up and stepped away from the bushes,” a cop noted. “As he turned and faced us, he was clearly putting ‘himself’ up and zipping his pants. When asked what he was doing, he started adjusting himself.”

The gentleman was identified as a 29-year-old from New Jersey. “Next to the bushes, I could smell a strong odor of urine and it was also wet,” a cop noted. “[The 29-year-old] became loud and started cursing because he was being cited for urinating in the park. The man signed his ticket and proceeded to throw his copy on the ground, saying, ‘Now, get me for fucking littering.’” Cops quickly handcuffed the man and charged him with littering and disorderly conduct, then took him to jail.

High-jinks

In Five Points, a 53-year-old man walked into a convenience store and allegedly swiped one candy bar. He tried to nonchalantly stroll out of the store. A security guard followed him. Eventually, the man admitted he stole a Snickers bar (worth 99 cents). Cops searched the candy thief and prepared to arrest him for shoplifting. “I found 14 small plastic baggies containing suspected marijuana in his inner jacket pockets,” an officer wrote.

So our middle-age stoner went to jail, charged with shoplifting one candy bar worth less than a dollar and pot possession with intent to distribute.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.