The Blotter: Knocked out of the park

Cops recently yanked a woman from her seat at Turner Feild and permanently banned her from all Atlanta Braves home games. The 51-year-old woman allegedly had been following and harassing Braves player Jason Heyward. “Based on my experience ... she was experiencing some sort of mental illness,” the cop wrote. “When asked [the woman] explained that she thought following Mr. Jason Heyward was OK because she utilized her red in color Dodge Neon ... to follow Heyward. [The woman] claimed that she used her headlight to flash Mr. Heyward while driving behind him, indicating that he was being followed by her. [The woman] also claimed that she never spoke with Mr. Heyward to ensure that following would be OK, until she was able to gain unwanted access to his privately gated living establishment, at which time Mr. Heyward explained to her that following him was not OK, and that it for sure made him feel uncomfortable.”

Way off base

Trouble broke out in a parking lot after a recent Braves game. As an officer approached a pickup truck, he saw a 33-year-old man “casually” sitting in the driver’s seat. The driver’s window had been shattered with pieces of broken glass scattered on the ground. “I approached the suspect and asked: Is this your vehicle? The suspect appeared surprised and simply replied, ‘NO,’” the cop noted. “His bloodshot eyes seemed incapable of focusing on me as I spoke with him.” The cop pulled the suspect from the driver’s seat and “when the suspect’s feet touched the ground, he immediately collapsed under his own weight.” The truck actually belonged to a 25-year-old Canton woman. The drunk suspect said he thought it was his truck.

The cop asked the man if he broke the window. “Yes, sir, I did,” the man replied. The cop urged him to explain why. Apparently, the man “left the Braves game and in his drunken stupor he confused the Canton woman’s [truck] with his ... [He] explained that when he was unable to gain access to the vehicle, he broke into the driver’s window by throwing a beer bottle at it,” the cop noted. “Even as [the man] sat and remained inside the unfamiliar [truck] for an unknown duration, he remained unaware of his mistake.” The tipsy guy sat there until the Canton woman and her friends returned to her truck and confronted him. “Only then did he realize his crime,” the cop wrote.

The Canton woman inspected her car — nothing was amiss other than the smashed window. The cop searched for the suspect’s truck because the man had no idea where he parked. The man was charged with disorderly conduct and damage to property. En route to jail he “voiced numerous apologies and his desire to pay for the damaged window.”

Stream of consciousness

A man was passed out at a table at a fast-food restaurant near East Atlanta Village. The manager called police and asked them to remove the man and give him a trespassing warning. Cops gave the man a ticket and booted him from the restaurant — just a ticket, no jail, if he promised to stay away. The man’s next move? “He walked away and began urinating next to the [drive-through] order menu at [another fast-food restaurant] across the street,” the cop noted. Police promptly arrested the suspect, a 44-year-old man from Lafayette, Ga., and took him to jail for public urination.

Lemon ice

A cop stopped at a gas station/convenience store in East Lake at around 2 a.m. While driving through the parking lot, the cop saw a 32-year-old man “walk towards the ice machine and begin urinating in it.” Gross. The man got a ticket for urinating in public. No word on whether he had to pay for all the ice he’d turned yellow.

Booby trap

In Midtown, “As I was stopped at the red light, I noticed a male dressed as a woman standing on the sidewalk with his back facing me,” a cop noted. Another car stopped at a nearby intersection and the female impersonator walked up to the car, clutching a brown purse. “When the accused lifted his shirt up, I then noticed him attempting to shake his breast toward the driver,” the cop wrote. The female impersonator spun around and saw the cop. “Give me a chance,” he said, promising not to do the breast-shaking again. The female impersonator, 23, went to jail and was charged with soliciting.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.