The Blotter: Lashing out

In the Joyland neighborhood, a 37-year-old man told police that someone broke into his house through his back door and stole two televisions, his camcorder, laptop, and an aluminum briefcase, along with two black-and-pink bull whips, two 6-foot black bull whips, and one fire whip. “I spoke to the neighbors in the area and they advised that they didn’t notice anyone come in the street way,” the reporting officer wrote. “One neighbor advised that the suspect most likely came in the cutzoo [sic] way,” which is apparently near the rear of the home.

Chew it over

A man was accused of swiping a hefty container of bubble gum from a convenience store on Metropolitan Parkway. A clerk said he walked outside to confront the bubble gum thief and the suspect pointed a gun in his face and then fired two bullets in the clerk’s direction. No bullets hit the clerk. The store’s surveillance cameras recorded the bubble gum theft. The suspect wore a purple shirt with elaborate designs, and his alleged partner in crime was a guy dressed entirely in white with the word “BLAB” on the back of his T-shirt. The two men and their bubble gum bounty hopped into a black Cadillac and drove away.

Reusable oscillations?

A 30-year-old woman said she was robbed while moving out from her South Atlanta apartment. The woman said someone ransacked her stuff, tossed items around, and left things strewn all over the floor. The woman called police and reported the following items stolen: her vibrator (worth $80), a Nintendo Wii, Xbox, braiding hair, and a nail polish collection (worth $100).

Badge of shame

In Home Park, a 59-year-old man said someone smashed the window of his car, which was parked outside his condo. The only item reported missing was the man’s red “Wood Badge” backpack, which contained paperwork, lesson plans, and other items needed for his Boy Scout troop.

Vision quest

In the Perkerson Park area, an older, bleary-eyed man walked into a convenience store and allegedly stole 11 different bottles of eye drops. No two bottles were the same brand. His collection included “advanced” drops, “maximum” drops, “original” drops, “gel” drops, and “balanced” drops. He went to jail on a shoplifting charge. The eye drops are worth $88.35.

Undies and fancy forks

In Vinings, a man said he went to a park while a pest company sprayed outside his home for bugs. The man said he locked up his home before leaving, and the exterminator only sprayed the exterior area. When the man returned, he noticed his basement door had been pried open and his home was ransacked. The man called police and reported the following items stolen: female underwear, silverware, and jewelry.

Doughnut surprise

A cop said a woman walked into the Zone 3 precinct and handed him a loaded .38 special revolver, and said, “We found this at the Krispy Kreme on Ponce. Have fun with that.”

Thrifty throw down

A woman said two strange overweight women assaulted her at a dollar store on Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway. The woman said she was paying the cashier when a man approached her from behind and told her to hurry up. The woman said she would take as long as she needed and told the man to wait. “The male then began to say that he would not hit a woman, but he would have his mother and sister do it,” the reporting officer wrote. The woman said she left the dollar store and walked across the street and a white Ford Escort followed her. The two overweight women jumped out of the vehicle, punched her several times, and knocked her to the ground. The victim said she had never seen the two overweight women before the incident. She wasn’t seriously injured and refused medical attention.

Stupid move of the week

On Moreland Avenue, a cop spotted a man who resembled a suspect from an attempted burglary in Kirkwood. “I had the picture of the video surveillance in front of me as I was sitting in the parking lot,” the cop noted. The cop asked the man to come over to his patrol car for a chat. “I had a picture of the suspect in my left hand as he approached,” the cop noted. “That’s not me,” the man immediately stated, even before the cop showed him the photo. “I proceeded to show him the photo and advise him it looks exactly like him,” the cop wrote. “That’s definitely not me,” the man said, explaining that he has tattoos on his chest, and in the photo you can’t tell if the suspect has tattoos on his chest. (It’s a head shot.) The cop asked for the man’s name. The man gave the officer a few fake names and was then arrested for falsely identifying himself. Police searched his car and found a “new, unopened bag of boxer briefs” along with condoms, a wet hand towel, a razor, lip balm, and a lighter.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.