The Blotter: Lion King envy

In the Chastain Park neighborhood, a woman said that two brass lion statues were stolen from the end of her driveway. The suspects must have been pretty strong because the statues weigh about 100 pounds each. The brass lions are worth a total of $3,400. The woman said the City of Atlanta has been working in her backyard for the last year and there’s been a lot of construction traffic up and down her driveway. There are no suspects.

Beauty and the beast

A middle-age Sandy Springs woman went to an eight-hour Bible study at her church in Midtown. When she returned to her car in parking lot, she noticed that her rolling tote bag was missing from the front seat. She described her bag as “Zebra-striped with a gold lion on it.” The woman said her bag was filled with fancy perfume samples and some of her best clothes, as she had just returned from a trip. No sign of forced entry on the car.

Pay up

In Mechanicsville, a 49-year-old woman was visiting her friend nicknamed “Fly.” They went into a back room and smoked some crack cocaine together. Suddenly, another guy nicknamed “Tae Tae” barged into the back room. “Give me my motherfucking money,” Tae Tae demanded of the woman. She told Tae Tae she doesn’t have any money. “Bitch, you owe me $5,” Tae Tae screamed. The woman said Tae Tae grabbed her, threw her against a wall, put a knife to her neck and yelled, “Bitch, I will do you.” The woman yelled for her friend Fly to help her, so Fly asked Tae Tae to stop. Tae Tae told Fly to shut the fuck up and “stay out of my business.” Apparently, that was the extent of Fly’s “help.” The woman said Tae Tae tried to choke her. Then Tae Tae grabbed her purse from the floor, saying, “This is mine now.”

The woman said Tae Tae took her black purse, which contained her wallet, MARTA card, and makeup. Tae Tae was long gone by the time police arrived. Tae Tae is described as a thirtysomething man wearing khaki pants.

Sticky statement

Someone played a prank on one of the stores in Ansley Mall. According to the police report, “the front door lock was filed with a glue-like substance” and two side windows were coated with “a type of expanding foam sprayed on them in swirls.” Surveillance video shows a male suspect gleefully spraying foam and glue in the middle of the night.

Adventures of Pharma Girl

Cops were dealing with a fatal traffic accident on Cleveland Avenue. Crime scene tape blocked the entire roadway, which contained six patrol cars with flashing blue lights. All drivers approaching the scene turned around as requested and went another route — except for one car going very slowly. “The driver drove under the crime scene tape and between the patrol cars blocking the roadway,” a cop noted. “I along with several officers yelled for the driver to stop and she complied.”

The driver’s eyes were bloodshot and her pupils were dilated. She said she was coming from a “club down the street” — but she didn’t even know if the club had a name. She said she’d had two shots of Jack Daniel’s a few hours ago. The officer asked if she had any medical conditions or injuries. “She stated that she was OCD and had anxiety issues and asthma,” the cop noted. She said she was taking several medications: generic Xanax, albuterol, Adair, and Valium. Also, she said she had “vertical issues.” A few minutes later she clarified that as “vertigo.” (She swayed back and forth during this conversation.)

The officer asked if she wanted to take a breath test. “She stated the instrument measured drugs in her system, as well as alcohol, and I told her she was incorrect and that it only showed positive or negative for alcohol consumption, not drugs,” the officer noted. “She stated that her career was in pharmacy and that was how she (incorrectly) knew it measured drugs in her system. I did not spend much time attempting to get her to cooperate with the PBT and placed it back in my car.” The 37-year-old woman went to jail on charges of DUI and reckless driving. She took a breath test at jail and flunked it.

Iron Man run amok

In Carey Park, a 48-year-old man was walking toward a nearby laundry mat with a big bag of clothes flung over his shoulder. Suddenly, the man said a young guy wearing a green tracksuit with yellow writing approached him. Tracksuit guy whipped out an iron pipe and struck the 48-year-old once in the head. Then the tracksuit guy sprinted away. The man said the young man did not try to steal anything from him and he’s never seen him before. The victim had bruises and cuts on his head, but he declined medical treatment.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.