The Blotter: Mystery goop

In Ansley Park, a 55-year-old woman called police to report a moist problem. The woman found “unknown liquidy substances” all over her car — again. Her car repeatedly had been drenched with sticky stuff during the last six months. Each time the strange soaking happened while the woman’s car was parked in her driveway. And each time the woman had to get her car professionally cleaned to remove the “unknown liquidy substances.” The woman suspects her next-door neighbor is the culprit.

“She’s pretty sure her neighbor is doing it as seen from the side of the vehicle that’s had the liquidy substances thrown on,” the cop noted, emphasizing the lack of physical evidence. “There are no cameras or any proof of the neighbor throwing things on her vehicle.” And that’s not the woman’s only soggy conundrum. The woman said a broken drain line runs from her neighbor’s washer and is spewing soap bubbles into the woman’s backyard, where her dogs eat and play. The cop filed a report on the weird wetness.

Furry flurry

A 53-year-old woman driving a burgundy SUV spotted a squirrel in the road. As the woman swerved to avoid hitting the squirrel she struck an object, possibly a tree branch. The squirrel-saving woman was not injured. But her car, that’s another story. The crash caused her exterior car mirror to crumple. Also, the crash impact smashed the car’s front window. The woman called police to report the damage to her SUV. We hope the lucky squirrel is still roaming free.

Meat brawl

A 69-year-old man went to a grocery store in Edgewood to buy meat. The man said he asked the store’s butcher to wrap his meat in ice and claimed the butcher refused. The 69-year-old man said he walked away from the meat department to find a store manager. The older man claimed the butcher followed him and alledgedly started punching his head and neck. Outraged, the older man left the grocery store and went home to called police.

A cop arrived and interviewed everyone involved. A witness claimed the 69-year-old man was the primary aggressor, saying he started pummeling the butcher first, but hard proof was lacking. “No video footage was in the area of the incident,” the cop noted. The 69-year-old complained of back and neck pain, so medics took him to a hospital. No one was charged or arrested. It’s still unclear who actually initiated the meat market melee.

Clear as mud

At a Midtown apartment complex, a 27-year-old woman was startled when she heard a loud banging underneath her floor. The woman called 911 and said the banging was so violet, it shook her bedroom. Next, the woman called police and her landlord, and then she ran outside and hid in her car until authorities showed up. “While waiting inside her vehicle, she observed a male covered in mud approach the front door from the rear of the building,” a cop noted. “He then threw his body against the front door. The door was locked.” The mud-covered man kept body-slamming the door until it opened. Then police arrived.

The mud-covered man claimed to be a tenant in the same apartment building, but the cops didn’t believe him. After more conversation, police deduced that the muddy man had wriggled into the crawl space beneath the apartment building and started banging, sending massive vibrations up to the woman’s ground-floor unit.

At this point, the mud-covered man decided to confess. He told police that earlier he had “smoked a synthetic form of marijuana known as K2, which is why he ended up in the building,” an officer noted.

The landlord assessed building damages at more than $500. The man’s banging left a hole in the brick foundation, and a front door must be replaced. The muddy man went to jail, charged with attempted forced entry.

Big bald bang

A few blocks away at a Midtown condo high-rise, a bald man started banging on the windows of a ground-floor unit. A condo owner asked the bald man to leave, but he kept banging away. A cop arrived and spotted the bald man, who starting pounding and peering into the windows of other businesses as he began to flee. The cop hopped into his patrol car and asked the bald man to stop. “For what?” the bald man yelled. The suspect was carrying a black plastic bag that had “a liquid substance leaking from it,” the cop noted. Plus, the bald man “was not capable of walking in a straight direction,” and began to “hold on to chairs, tables, walls and other objects to keep his balance.”

The cop asked the condo owner if he could identify the suspect. “I ain’t do that shit,” yelled the bald man. The cop assured the bald man that police would listen to his side of story.

The bald man kept wandering off, so the cop grabbed him. The bald man sat down on curb. The cop handcuffed him and asked him to stand up.

The cop noted, “As I stood [the bald man] up, I had solid grip on his left arm. He began to jerk away from me and attempted to walk in the opposite direction.” According to the police report, the bald man then planted his feet and yelled, “Fuck you clown!”

Eventually, the bald man calmed down. The cop searched him and found an empty bottle of McCormick vodka, along with bald man’s wallet, ID, and Bible. The bald man, 50, went to jail, charged with disorderly conduct, acting recklessly, and using vulgar language.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.