The Blotter: Planting ahead

A cop spotted a woman “seated in a flower bed” outside an apartment complex in Midtown. The 58-year-old woman was clutching a purple purse and wearing a hospital armband. The officer said he “asked her kindly to get out of the flower bed” and she refused. After asking her a second and third time, the woman stood up and began ranting, “You just want to slam me to the ground and take me to jail!” The cop replied, “No, I Just need you to get out of the flower bed, that’s all.”

The woman decided to get out of the flower bed and then ran into oncoming traffic on Peachtree Street yelling, “FUCK YOU!” The woman ignored the officer’s commands to get back on the sidewalk and ran further into traffic. Eventually, the officer got her back on the sidewalk and arrested her for violating her pedestrian duties.

Frisky fool

At a Buckhead apartment complex, a 28-year-old man called police and said he was robbed. The man said he fell asleep at 4 a.m. and when he woke up the next morning, his 50-inch TV was gone. Also missing: his computer laptop, wallet, and two money orders that he needed to pay his rent.

The man said that earlier that day, three men visited him who he didn’t know very well: a man who he’s known for a month and two other guys whose names he didn’t remember. He stated these men frequented a porn shop on Cheshire Bridge Road where they all met. Yet the man told police he was convinced that his new friends were not the ones who robbed him. The man wanted a police report filed in case other suspects emerged.

Sad fanboy

In Downtown, a man said he parked his minivan in a parking lot and left it there all day. When the man returned, his minivan was gone. He called the parking lot company, and a representative said they only boot cars — they didn’t know anything about his missing minivan. So the man called police to report his stolen minivan and gave police a very specific description.

The man said his silver minivan had a dented rear bumper and the car’s decorations might help identify it. “He stated Star Wars stickers were on his back window,” the reporting officer noted. “He stated Freddy [Krueger] hung from his rearview window.” The man, 40, hails from Marietta.

Sensitive guys

Near Southside Park, two male roommates in their 50s got into a tiff and called police to their home. The first man said his roommate called him a “Pussy-Ass Punk Motherfucker.” The second man said his roommate called him a “Punk-Ass Motherfucker.” Both men wanted to press charges against the other for using profane language. Police took both roommates, ages 59 and 57, to jail, charged with disturbing the peace.

Amateur attempt

On a rainy night in South Atlanta, a man said his daughter woke up, startled by a loud noise. The daughter said she saw someone running past the rear of the apartment complex. The man went outside to find the source of the noise that scared his daughter, and found his SUV had been “backed up into a tree.” His car “sustained severe damage to the steering column, as well as the rear door and bumper, from striking the tree,” a cop noted. “It looks as though someone may have been trying to steal the vehicle.”

Cops said valuable fingerprints had been washed away by the rainwater.

Street Jesus

A church employee spotted a naked man lying on the ground outside a large church in Midtown. The man was naked and pleasuring himself. Police responded and removed the naked 33-year-old man from church property.

Dad gone bad

Near Atlantic Station, a man pushed a baby stroller into the middle of 17th Street and refused to move. Security guards asked the man with the stroller to get back on the sidewalk. The man was uncooperative and “refused to get out of the middle of the street with the baby,” the responding cop noted. “It was immediately apparent that he had been drinking because of the reeking smell of liquor coming from his person.”

The cop checked the baby in the stroller for any injuries. “The baby had a wet diaper,” the cop noted. The baby’s father reportedly got loud and aggressive with police and refused to give names of the baby’s mother or family. The responding officer had to call an investigator who did a computer check and contacted the baby’s mother. The mother rushed to Atlantic Station to get her infant son. She said the baby’s father picked up their son that afternoon and wanted to spend time with his son because he’d just gotten out of jail. The mother said as hours went by, she repeatedly called his cellphone, but he didn’t answer. The drunk father said he lost his cellphone somewhere along the way. The man went back to jail, charged with reckless behavior.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.