The Blotter: Preppy panic

Near Renaissance Park, a cop saw a guy in preppy clothing running full speed into a parking lot and then rush into a small hidden area. (Preppy Guy wore a green Ralph Lauren Polo shirt and white slacks.) “This area is commonly used to do drugs or conduct illegal acts,” the cop noted. “After a brief moment or so, I drove over to the parking lot to locate the suspect — and got out of car, dressed in full police attire and mesh vest with ‘POLICE’ stitched on front and back ... I saw [Preppy Guy] along with a female participating in sexual acts ... The man’s penis was fully exposed. The female’s breast and vagina was fully exposed as well.”

The horny couple suddenly realized a cop was watching. “They immediately tried to cover up their exposed bodies,” the cop noted. Preppy Guy tossed a glass pipe containing a “white rock-like substance,” the cop wrote. “Both individuals were detained until a further investigation could be conducted.”

Preppy Guy pulled up his white slacks and handed his Georgia ID card to the cop. The woman said she didn’t have an ID on her. The cop walked over to his computer to check the horny couple’s names for any outstanding warrants. Preppy Guy seized his chance. “Without warning, he stood up and ran off,” the cop noted. “While chasing [him], he jumped over a fence and off the parking lot — over a small cliff.”

The cop did not chase Preppy Guy over the cliff. Instead, cop went back and took the woman to jail for public indecency. Preppy Guy was still at large when the police report was filed. Preppy Guy is a 49-year-old man who lives in Poncey-Highland.

Foul mouth

Near a restaurant on Edgewood Avenue, a short, fat man cursed loudly at everyone walking by and repeatedly made offers for oral sex. “You can suck my dick and get the cum out!” the man yelled as a cop walked up. “Upon hearing this, I immediately pulled the man to the side and detained him before giving him a ultimatum: Be quiet and leave — or go to jail for disorderly conduct,” the cop noted. The man kept ranting. He looked at the cop and said, “The Masons say it’s your ritual to get fucked in the ass, all police ... get fucked in the ass.” So the cop took him to jail.

Say no to crack

In Midtown, cops received a call about too much butt on display outside a bar on 10th Street. Alas, no young sassy butt was on view. Twas the middle-age butt of a 44-year-old man wearing an orange shirt, denim jacket, blue jeans — and no underwear. A fact he revealed to the crowd when cops arrived.

When a patrol car pulled up, the man bent forward to speak with the officer through the passenger window. “As he was doing so, his buttocks were fully exposed, as his pants were sagging, and he was in plain view of citizens on the sidewalk,” the cop noted.” An employee of the restaurant even stepped out to ask him to pull his pants up, since he was just outside their window.” The man’s cheeky display landed him in jail, charged with public indecency.

Boot dispute

Outside Peachtree Center, a 30-year-old man who works as a professional parking enforcement booter put a boot on an illegally parked car. Twenty minutes later, the car’s owner (a man wearing a white T-shirt and dark jeans) returned to the parking lot and found the boot on his car. He was angry with the booter for booting his car, but he dutifully paid to have it removed and drove away. Moments later, he decided to return for some revenge.

The man hopped out of his car and hurled a bunch of items at the booter’s car, including a rock and a glass bottle, and then hopped back into his car and sped away. The booter called police to report significant damage to his car door.

Half-pipe rage

At a small park on the Georgia State University campus, a guy called police and said “this morning he was attempting to skateboard like normal until he noticed [a strange man] standing about 30 yards across the street from him at the park with a silver handgun,” a cop noted. The skater said the man pointed the handgun toward the ground, fired a bullet, threw the weapon down, and attempted to flee. The skater flagged down a MARTA police officer and they both searched for the strange man.

“When they found the male, he was laying down behind a bush, attempting to hide,” the cop noted. The suspect, 21, was tipsy. He went to jail for discharging a weapon.

Just plain bold

On the fourth floor of Atlanta City Hall, someone swiped a silver iPhone from a city councilman’s office. An aide said the iPhone was recently purchased for the councilman, but had not been activated. The reporting officer noted, “There were no cameras on the 4th floor or at [the councilman’s] office.”

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.