The Blotter: Return and burn

A man was recently "chanting really loud" and holding signs that read "Cross Movement Clues," "Be Dead to Sin," and "Turn from Sin" outside a local retail store. The 39-year-old man also asked customers to give him money. Security guards asked the man to leave several times, but he refused. Then the man walked inside the store and went to Customer Service to return an item. Once the return transaction was complete, guards issued the man a trespassing warning and told him not to return to the store. That's when the man became "irate, loud and rude," a cop noted. The man cursed and chanted as he caused a chaotic scene in front of customers and children. When police arrested him, the man continued to loudly chant and even spit in an officer's face.

Cinco de Eff You

A woman was recently eating chips and dip on the patio of a local Mexican restaurant. Suddenly, a disheveled gray-haired man in his 40s walked by on the sidewalk and "took a chip from the plate on her table and continued walking. [The woman] stated the male came back from the other direction a short time later and did it again. She claimed when she protested, he grabbed a wad of guacamole and threw it at her," a cop noted.

The woman was not injured, just covered in guacamole. The chip-thrower was long gone when police arrived. The woman wanted to press charges.

Stinky help

Two young men were busted for stealing a UPS package off their neighbor's porch on the Westside. A 42-year-old woman was driving home from work when she spotted a UPS truck in front of her. The woman saw the UPS driver deliver a package to the front porch of a townhouse. Next, the woman saw a suspicious young man tiptoe across a few front yards and snatch the package. Then the suspect dashed back inside his own townhoouse.

Police got a search warrant for the townhouse, which now had two suspicious men inside (ages 17 and 20). The first man admitted he stole the package and claimed the 20-year-old helped. The 20-year-old's mother tried in vain to persuade police her son wasn't involved. The cop noted: "The mother makes this claim of her son's innocence due to him acknowledging the theft taking place, making mention of it via Facetime, and mentioning the stupidity of the criminal act." His virtual confession was all police needed.

So, what was inside the UPS package? A massive supply of "super-absorbent advanced odor control pads."

Salad sensations

A woman in her 30s told police that she and her boyfriend had a major spat while she was driving his car down I-20. The woman said they had just finished dining at a restaurant, where the boyfriend allegedly had too much to drink.

"They began to argue about restaurant choices," a cop noted. "[The woman] was expressing her dislike for a certain restaurant they went to previously on account of the salad and lack of healthy meal choices." Apparently, the tipsy boyfriend "became upset with her need to always be healthy" and alledgedly tried to hit her face. The woman parked the car in a grocery store parking lot and hopped out. The boyfriend leapt into the driver's seat and raced away.

The woman refused an ambulance and said she was "embarrassed that this would even occur from a stupid argument."

Iced lies

A car recently smashed into three other cars on Memorial Drive. The driver said he was going down the road and his gas pedal got stuck, so he ended up hitting the vehicle in front of him. "His eyes were bloodshot red," the cop noted. The man said he was coming from a family party and claimed he only had one beer. After he flunked a few field sobriety tests, the driver agreed to blow for a blood-alcohol test.

"After taking the test, [the man] stated to me that he did not understand why his results were so high from only drinking one beer," the cop wrote. "He later stated to me that it must have been the one and a half Long Island Ice Teas that he drank. He stated to me that he did not know they were alcoholic and that his sister told him that they did not have alcohol in them." The man is 58-years-old.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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