The Blotter: Sole searching

A South Carolina woman said her Atlanta-based daughter stole all of her right shoes, but none of her left shoes. The mother said she’s been staying at her 28-year-old daughter’s home in the West End, but she suddenly had to go to South Carolina for medical reasons. The mother said that while she was gone, her daughter swiped 25 bottles of her perfume, her king-sized bed, her 1986 Buick Regal, and her two dogs, a poodle and a shar pei. What started the mother-daughter theft spree? No clue.

FISCAL CRUNCH: Trying to extract money from an ex-lover — that always ends well. A 37-year-old woman went over to her ex-boyfriend’s house in the West End to get some money she believes he owes her. She said she and her ex were arguing about the money on his front porch when, suddenly, another woman jumped her. (A hot young thing; likely his new girlfriend.) The hot girlie pushed the woman down and bit her once on the breast and once on her arm. (The woman had bite marks to prove it.) Also, the new girlie reportedly kicked her head while her ex-boyfriend just stood there, doing nothing. Apparently, the ex-boyfriend never touched her, but he removed the battery from her cell phone so she couldn’t call police right away. The ex and the new girl were long gone when police arrived. Lady, was the money worth it?

IN A BIG COUNTRY: In Atlanta’s Niskey Cove neighborhood, a 30-year-old man needs some lessons on how to pack and move. He says a dude named “Big Country” stole his television, his Xbox 360, and eight games from his U-Haul truck. The man freely admitted that he loaded his things into the U-Haul and left it unlocked and unattended while he went to buy a padlock for it.

Several neighbors ratted on Big Country, so the man called police. An officer took the guy in his patrol car to Big Country’s reported home. The officer knocked on the door, but there was no answer. In a brilliant move, Big Country chose this moment to drive by his own home with a police officer standing in the front yard. The officer easily spotted Big Country, pulled him over and threw him in the patrol car. Even dumber, Big Country struck up a conversation with the Niskey Cove man, during which he both confessed and tried to finger other people. The officer wrote, “I overheard Big Country state that he did take the TV ... and that it was the guys at the U-Haul truck, and that he did get onto the truck as well to see what they were doing.” Suddenly, Big Country realized the cop was listening. Oops. Big Country reportedly offered to “bring the TV back to the location [and] he also stated that he knew the guys, and that they called themselves the J-Team, but please don’t send me to jail.”

Of course, Big Country went to jail.

DANCE TO A DIFFERENT TUNE: At around 2 a.m. in Buckhead, a woman claims a random guy jumped on top of her Subaru for no apparent reason and did a happy dance. The 22-year-old man simply said he “got excited” and he’d been drinking, so he jumped on top of the woman’s car. He offered to pay for all damages (dents in her hood). Plus, he’d already given the woman all his info when a cop arrived. “I could smell alcohol,” the officer noted, but the man “did not appear to be intoxicated.” The man got a ticket for damaging property. He did not go to jail for his spontaneous shimmy.

JUST PLANE WRONG: A married couple from California got into a huge brawl at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport. They were supposed to get on a plane to Florida. Instead, the husband reportedly threw a book on the ground, so his wife punched him. Then, the husband reportedly walked to a trash can and threw something away, believed to be the wife’s boarding pass.

The wife reportedly followed him to the trash can and slapped her husband’s face several times. The husband reportedly hit her back.

A cop talked with the husband, 30, and he said his wife went crazy and hit him. According to the cop, the husband appeared very drunk. The cop tried to get the 26-year-old wife’s side of the story. She said they had a small argument, but everything was fine now and she wanted to get on the plane for Florida.

The cop reviewed the surveillance tape, which showed both the husband and wife hitting and slapping each other’s faces. (Neither were hurt, but both had red marks and scratches on their faces.) So the cop charged both the husband and wife with “disturbing the peace” and handcuffed them. En route to jail, the husband reportedly “cursed at his wife,” telling her she was fat, ugly, and he “fucking hated” her. They’ve been married for three years. Later, the husband kept banging his entire body against the jail cell walls — and insulting his wife — even after jail employees warned him to shut up. (Add a few more charges.) The wife stayed quiet.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.