The Blotter: Sorry, Sgt. Bacon!

In Ormewood Park, a Georgia Tech student said she left her apartment to go work out. When she returned, she tugged on her front door but the locks were severely damaged. She rushed to the back door and went inside. Her apartment had been ransacked. On a wall near the front door, someone scrawled this note complete with a smiley face: “James was here! ... I found you!”

Immediately, the woman called police. A cop looked around and asked if the woman knew anyone named James. She said no.

The woman said her “piggy bank dressed up as police” was smashed to pieces and $30 cash was stolen. Other items reported stolen from her apartment: two flat-screen TVs, a cable box with a remote, DVR, a blue-green-and-black guitar, a black overnight bag, her Georgia Tech bookbag with wheels, plus 10 white towels, 10 pink towels, and 10 green towels, toothpaste, tissue, and food from her refrigerator. The officer lifted five possible suspicious fingerprints from the front door, TV stands, doorknobs, and the refrigerator.

Ghost chef

In Fairburn Heights, a 59-year-old man said someone frequently enters his apartment and uses his “stove to cook” when he’s not there. The reporting officer noted, “He would find pots with leftover food in them” — food that he’d neither cooked nor left behind. The man finally called police when he returned home around midnight and once again found dirty pots and pans. The man said that this time a set of earring studs and lotion were missing from his bedroom. The man lives alone. According to the cop’s notes, the man said he’s noticed “small things going missing in his apartment for the last five months or so, but never really paid any attention.” There were no signs of forced entry.

Dirt road anthem

On Brewer Boulevard, a man called 911 because a strange young man “wearing a flannel shirt and blue jeans” was in his backyard, trying to open his back door. Police rushed to the scene. The cop walked around to the back and found an 18-year-old Alpharetta man “wearing a flannel shirt standing by the rear door with what appeared to be blood on his face and shirt,” the cop noted. The Alpharetta man said the last thing he remembered was walking into a music concert at Aaron’s Amphitheater at Lakewood (Jason Aldean and Georgia Florida Line performed that night). After that, everything was a blur. “He had no idea where he was or whose house he was at,” the cop noted. Apparently, after the show, the Alpharetta man hiked about two miles to get to the stranger’s house. The cop searched the Alpharetta man and found four fake ID cards. The suspect said the fake IDs were for buying alcohol, since he’s only 18 years old. He went to jail, charged with prowling, trespassing, and false identification.

Shitstorm cometh

In the Lindbergh neighborhood, a 26-year-old man was evicted from his luxury apartment and marshals put his belongings in the parking lot. The 26-year-old said that the apartment managers kept some of his best stuff. He allegedly called the managers’ corporate office and said they were going to pay a very high price. So a manager called police to check and see if any of the man’s belongings were still inside the apartment.

“As I was approaching ... I could detect a very strong foul odor in the hallway,” the cop wrote. “When I got to the door, I observed what appeared to be human feces spread all over the door, the doorknob, and the apartment number.” A few hours later, the cop spoke to the 26-year-old on the phone and said the managers know about “what was left on the apartment door.” The 26-year-old replied, “I’m not concerned about that — I want my pots and pans. Fuck you.” And hung up. Apparently, he was long gone.

Get schooled

At a local university, a 33-year-old teacher was sitting in her classroom across the table from her 22-year-old student explaining the student’s final exam results. Suddenly, the student took her backpack off the table and placed it by her side. The teacher said the student was “acting strange” and her hands were not on the table. The student quickly got up and went to the bathroom — and never returned. Moments later, the teacher checked her purse: her wallet was gone. The teacher checked the same bathroom the student recently used and found her wallet in a trash can. $215 was missing from her wallet.

Feeling saucy

A 55-year-old man drove a food delivery truck to a Huddle House warehouse on Southside Industrial Parkway. Apparently, it was closed when he arrived, so the man decided to sleep overnight in his truck in the parking lot. As the man dozed, someone cut the lock on his trailer and stole 73 cases of Braswell’s Vidalia Sauce. The man woke up in time to see suspects driving away in a white Jeep.

Worth a weekend in jail?

On the Westside, a 23-year-old man walked into a grocery store and allegedly stuffed the following items inside his clothes: chicken ($4), barbecue sauce ($1), and styling gel ($5). He went to jail on a shoplifting charge.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.