The Blotter: Stoner fashion fail

A 64-year-old man from Little Five Points who “deals with flea market items” reported a break-in at his storage warehouse on Ralph David Abernathy Boulevard. The perpetrator pried open a large overhead garage door and swiped 60 “Reefer Cameo” T-shirts with marijuana leaves printed on them (worth $600) — that’s along with 100 Stealth brand baseball caps and two amplifiers. Cops swept the warehouse for fingerprints but came up short. The man had no clue who would steal his stuff, especially his weed shirts.

Pay the piper

A 42-year-old Florida man said he was forced into the bathroom of his Midtown hotel and robbed of his belongings. His statement to police: “Around two weeks ago, I started a conversation via Atlanta chat room on the Internet. I don’t recall the chat room because the conversation quickly evolved into a text conversation. Last night, I arrived back from dinner with a colleague and received a text from the person who led me to believe his name was Piper. I picked him up @ the Midtown bus station last night, went to the 24 hour Kroger on Caroline Street to grab a few things for a meeting today, and we both returned to the hotel. We had a civil and agreeable conversation for several hours about Atlanta and living here and what neighborhoods are the best. Around 8 or 8:15 a.m., the conversation turned very quiet and short. Not loud just quick answers from him. I thought he was probably tired so I thought nothing of it,” the man told police. “He was texting and talking to someone else. I was packing and getting ready to depart the hotel. He began to load a luggage cart with his two backpacks and then my luggage. I confronted him @ this point and he pulled out a grey handgun medium-sized and threatened to shoot me in the head. I confronted him more and he forced me into the bathroom. I locked the door until I knew it was safe. I heard various noises and the door was jammed shut by hotel furniture. Once I heard the room was clear, I forced the door.”

The man said Piper is six feet, four inches tall and wore gray sweatpants or long shorts and puffy black coat with tan fur on the hood. He has ear-length, dark twists of hair.

The 42-year-old man said Piper stole his iPhone 6, iPad, and Dell laptop.

Liquid daydream

In Lindbergh area, a man said he was standing on his apartment balcony smoking a cigar. Suddenly, he noticed wet liquid coming from the balcony directly above him. “He stated that when he looked up, there was a guy on the third-floor balcony and it looked as if he were urinating off of the balcony,” an officer wrote. A cop went to the third-floor apartment and spoke with the guy accused of peeing off his balcony. “They stated that they had just gotten in and showed me their Uber records to prove that they had just gotten home,” the cop wrote. “When I took a look at the balcony, there were no signs of any wet spots — only on the straw in front of the balcony, but I was not sure if it was urine or not.” Apparently, the cop decided there wasn’t enough evidence to get anyone in trouble.

When jokes fall flat

Outside a local comedy club, two guys said they were assaulted by three drunk men, all about six feet tall and all in their 20s. One suspect wore a white-and-black trucker hat and had a short brown beard and brown hair. The second suspect had spiked hair and wore a maroon T-shirt. The third had a blonde beard and wore a white T-shirt. The three drunk guys allegedly punched the two men in the face and kicked their car, causing minor damage.

Apparently, the trouble all started inside the comedy club. Earlier, the three drunksters all sat together at a table near the stage during the show. No word on how a joke-filled evening turned into a parking-lot brawl. The three suspects were long gone when police arrived. The comedy club manager gave police the name and number of the drunk guy who reserved the table near the stage.

Sight for sore eyes

Near East Point, a 29-year-old man said he was asleep on his couch in the living room with the lights out. Suddenly, a dude with a glass eye appeared and beat him up — without saying a word. The man said the glass-eye suspect did not have any weapons other than his fists. Plus, he’s seen this glass-eye dude around the neighborhood before. Still, the man didn’t know the glass-eye dude’s name, and had no clue why he got beat up. Medics treated him for a broken finger and multiple cuts on his face and head. Glass-eye dude was long gone when police arrived.

Misery meal

A 50-year-old man said he was chatting on his cellphone while sitting in a Downtown fast-food restaurant. Suddenly, a man grabbed his meal and ran away. The 50-year-old man said he knows the food-snatcher vaguely from his neighborhood. Minutes later, the food-snatcher walked back inside the restaurant and returned the meal to the 50-year-old man. Then the food-snatcher grabbed the man’s meal yet again and started stuffing it into his mouth. Outraged, the 50-year-old confronted the food-snatcher, who allegedly whirled around and punched the 50-year-old in the head, then ran away. Witnesses confirmed the man’s claim about the random food-snatcher.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.