The Blotter: Take a chill pill

Police responded to a domestic dispute in Summerhill. A 30-year-old man said he and his fiancée keep getting into arguments on and off due to her hormone imbalance from the birth control pills that she is taking. In the latest spat, the man said his fiancée took things to a whole new extreme. The fiancée alledgedly bit the man on his forearm, leaving a cut and a bunch of scratches. The man said his fiancée also threw and smashed a bunch of stuff around their house. The man refused medical treatment.

Then the cop spoke with the fiancée, a 25-year-old woman, who confirmed that a) yes, she’s taking birth control pills and b) yes, she’s been acting differently since she started taking the pills. She admitted that she did go berserk earlier and bit her fiancé’s arm due to her “uncontrollable hormones,” the officer wrote. The woman went to jail, charged with aggravated assault.

Vomit eruption

At a Midtown nightclub, a man became outraged when a security guard asked him to take his girl to the bathroom to throw up. The 25-year-old man allegedly became violent, so bouncers ejected him from the club. When cops arrived, the man was standing outside and bleeding from the lip. An officer asked: Do you need medical help? The man kept saying “fuck you” over and over again. Cops told him to go home but he refused. “Splat, splat,” the man said, pointing his fingers at the officers. “We continued to give him a chance to go home, but he was becoming very loud and belligerent because of all the alcohol we presumed,” an officer wrote. Then the man allegedly shoved a female officer and threatened her — and then took off running. He didn’t get very far. The cops caught him and took him to jail on a drunk and disorderly charge.

Urine bomb

A very drunk 24-year-old from Charlotte reportedly unzipped his pants and peed all over the upstairs bar at a restaurant on Roswell Road. Not in the bathroom, on the bar. (It was nearing last call.) A bouncer escorted him out and the man reportedly broke free and started running around, screaming that he had a bomb. (He did not have a bomb.) The man could barely walk and “swayed back and forth as he stood,” police noted. He physically resisted arrest and tried to punch a police sergeant in the face. The man went to jail on multiple charges.

Fear the lady hog

In Midtown, a man said he was devastated after being robbed by a bald woman nicknamed “Piggy.” Apparently, Piggy was accompanied by a pack of six unidentified henchmen. The man said Piggy whacked him in the head and swiped $262 cash from his pockets — in broad daylight. Somehow, the man broke free from Piggy’s grip and ran away. Piggy is believed to be a 32-year-old woman with an extensive criminal history.

Random irony

At a Grant Park pharmacy, a 51-year-old man allegedly tried to steal a TeenSaver Drug Test kit (worth $21.99) by stuffing it inside his coat and casually walking out the door. The security guard busted him. The middle-aged man went to jail on a shoplifting charge. Perhaps embarrassed, the man called his brother to drive his car home from the drugstore while he was in jail.

Prince of Darkness

In Midtown, cops received a call about a possibly unhinged man freaking out at a gas station. “[The gas station] just wanted the man to leave, but they did not want him to come back either,” the reporting officer wrote. The manager wanted to issue a trespassing warning. The cop walked up to the irate man and asked for his name. “He became violent before I could finish a sentence,” the officer noted. “He was jumping forward like he was going to attack.” Quickly, the cop called for backup. The man hollered, “You ain’t shit!” Then he threatened to take on all of the police. The jittery 31-year-old man kept referring to himself as “Sonic.” Then he started mumbling incomprehensible details. The cop asked whether he had any family in the Atlanta area. “He said that he is royalty.” The cop took His Highness to jail.

Young love meltdown

On the Westside, an 18-year-old gal called police and said her boyfriend took her purse and hurled it over a bridge. The boyfriend said yes, he threw her purse — but only because his girlfriend cut up a pair of his sneakers first. “I advised both subjects that if they would like to be compensated for their sneaker and purse they must go to Fulton County Court and take out warrants,” the officer wrote.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.