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The Blotter May 31 2006

Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

THE OWNER OF A CHURCH'S Chicken on Auburn Avenue said around 7:30 p.m., he was working in the back of the restaurant. Suddenly, he heard a loud crash and the building shook. He walked to the front of the restaurant and saw that a tan minivan had driven into the restaurant — the vehicle was now almost completely inside the restaurant. Multiple tables were overturned and four customers were hurt.

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Then, the minivan driver started to back out of the restaurant. The owner ran up to the minivan and tried to hold onto the steering wheel to prevent the driver from fleeing. The driver pushed the owner away and drove down Auburn Avenue. The owner wrote down the minivan's tag number.

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The owner described the minivan driver as a mute older man who had a green collar around his neck. He uses an electronic device to talk, due to some type of throat cancer or other ailment. The owner said he was familiar with the minivan driver because he had been a customer at the Church's.

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The owner estimated the damages at $15,000. Police found the minivan abandoned about five blocks away. In the car, there was a blue plastic cup with beer inside.

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Later, the minivan driver tried to report his car as stolen. Police found him at his apartment on Hilliard Street. He was sitting on the porch, drinking an alcoholic beverage. He went to jail.

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ONE EVENING, an officer was patrolling Peachtree Street in downtown Atlanta. He saw a man riding down the street with his lights off. The officer pulled him over and gave him a ticket for improper lights. The police report was titled "Driving Horse Without His Lights on Buggy." Under the "make and model" section of the report, the officer wrote "horse-drawn carriage." The man said his lights went off when he hit a hole.

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A 24-YEAR-OLD MAN LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER in an apartment on Formwalt Street. He said he broke up with his girlfriend the day before. After that, his mother told the now ex-girlfriend that she could not come to their apartment for any reason anymore.

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The next day, somehow the ex-girlfriend was now hanging out with the man's sister. They entered the apartment, and the girlfriend managed to steal the mother's fur coat from an upstairs closet. It's a chinchilla coat worth $2,500.

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The man called police and reported the theft. He described his ex-girlfriend as 21 years old with a tattoo on her back — of another man's name.

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A FAMILY FIGHT broke out at an apartment on Bolton Road. One sister argued with another sister and her sister's boyfriend about transportation to a downtown festival. The first sister (in her late 20s, with tattoos on her arms, back and neck) said the second sister hit her forehead with a high-heeled shoe, leaving a long, deep cut. She said the sister's boyfriend held her down while her sister continued to hit her with the shoe. Children witnessed the attack.

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Medics arrived but the first sister refused medical treatment. Medics said the cut required several stitches and there was a hole in the middle of the wound.

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A police officer arrived, but the sister and her boyfriend were gone.

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TWO MARTA POLICE OFFICERS were flagged down by a woman needing help on Lee Street. The woman, age 37 and tipsy­­, said her boyfriend hit her in the face. An Atlanta police officer arrived, along with a medic.

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The boyfriend told his side of the story: He said they were driving on the highway when the woman started an argument — and then she pulled on the steering wheel, almost causing an accident. The boyfriend had to pull over the car. According to the police report, the boyfriend said the woman "thrawed a boil of hot chicken wings in his faces" and grabbed his neck, causing bruises.

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The boyfriend was charged with aggravated assault; the woman was charged with simple battery.

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A MIDDLE-AGED MAN left his apartment on Holly Street for about an hour-and-a-half. When he returned, he noticed that the door had been pried open. The following items were stolen from the man's kitchen: ham, sausage, milk and Frosted Flakes. No suspects.

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SOMEONE CALLED 911 and said a man refused to leave a park on West Wieuca Road — and the man was picking up all the bats from the baseball field. A police officer went to the park and found the man sitting on a bench. The officer asked what he was doing. The man replied, "Mi familia es muy importante." The officer asked him to leave the park. The man said, "No, you." The officer said if the man didn't leave, he would be arrested for trespassing. "OK," the man said. He went to jail.

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A FULTON COUNTY MARSHAL's OFFICER went to a house on Rockwell Street to serve a subpoena. When he entered the driveway, a homemade explosive device went off in front of him. (It was a plastic bottle filled with chemicals.) The officer wasn't hurt. The married couple who live there ran outside. They said they didn't notice the bottle earlier and couldn't think of anyone who would put it there. The Department of Homeland Security was notified and responded to the scene.

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ONE SUNDAY, a 75-year-old man went to church on Arthur Street. He parked his dark blue 1987 Cadillac hardtop outside the church. After the church service was over, the man walked outside and noticed that his Caddy had been stolen.

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lauren.keating@creativeloafing.com.

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Items in The Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.





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