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The Blotter August 02 2006

Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

THE HOUSEKEEPER at an apartment complex on Collier Road said a naked man walked up to her and asked to be let inside his apartment. The housekeeper called her boss, the apartment manager. He found the naked man, trying to cover himself with floor mats. The manager said the floor mats were doing a poor job of concealing the naked man, sometimes exposing his genitals and buttocks. The naked man said he was drunk and locked out of his apartment. He said he'd been at a nearby party, and he left the party (while naked) and tried to get home. The naked man, age 27, was arrested for indecency.

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A 50-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WAS COMPLETELY NUDE and standing in the doorway of a post office on Auburn Avenue. A nearby business owner said the woman had been bathing in a rain puddle a few minutes beforehand. She was arrested for indecency and taken to jail. Her nickname is "Ohio."

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AROUND 8:45 P.M., an officer was patrolling Renaissance Park. He saw a man standing on the stairs in the middle of the park, with his pants and underwear pulled down to his knees. He was alone at the time. The man was arrested for indecency.

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ON PEACHTREE ROAD, a man climbed into the back of a Toyota pickup truck and started jumping up and down. A police officer drove by. The man jumped out of the truck and started to walk away. The officer asked, "Does this truck belong to you?" "No," the man said, adding that he just felt liking jumping on it, so he did. The man, age 24, was ticketed for disorderly conduct. The truck wasn't damaged.

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A BALD MAN was arrested for trying to steal one bottle of Budweiser beer from a grocery store on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive. The bald man told police that he was kidnapped and needed a beer to calm his nerves. The bald man also said he'd been smoking drugs all night. He went to jail.

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AN OFFICER was patrolling I-20. He saw a Suzuki motorcycle going about 120 miles an hour. The officer pulled over the cycle and talked to the driver. "Sir, what are you doing?" the officer asked. "I'm stupid," the man replied. "I can't go to jail, I don't have a job. My wife can't afford me going to jail." The man wore a black leather vest, red and black gloves, camouflage pants ... and a white Daytona 500 shirt. The man is 43 years old. He was arrested for reckless driving and taken to jail. He told the officer to call his wife.

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ON BOULEVARD, a woman refused to leave a store, saying she wanted to go to jail. The store clerk called police, and the woman walked away. When a police officer arrived, the woman ran down the street, yelling, "I'm the one you are looking for. Take me to jail." The officer asked, "Why do you want to go to jail?" Again, the woman yelled, "Take me to jail." She appeared slightly unstable, and was looking around frantically and shaking. The officer asked her to sit down in his patrol car so he could help her. She sat down. "I don't need any help," she yelled. "Take me to jail." The officer asked, "Where do you live?" The woman, age 23, said she'd been homeless for more than three years, and was living at the shelter at Peachtree and Pine streets. The officer asked if she'd ever been to Grady Memorial Hospital for help. Cursing the officer, the woman yelled, "Let me out of the car so I can go inside the store and steal something, so you have to take me to jail." The officer said he didn't want to take her to jail — he just wanted to help her. The woman reached up and pulled the emergency lights from the patrol car, shouting, "Now, you have to take me to jail." Eventually, the woman was taken to jail. She has a tattoo, "Sexy Red," on her back.

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ON PERRY ROAD, a 25-year-old woman said she went to work and when she came back, the front door of her apartment was kicked in. A neighbor saw a man named "Fat" kick the door. The woman said Fat lives with her on and off, but he doesn't have a key. Nothing was missing from the apartment. She described Fat as thin. She doesn't know Fat's real name.

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AN 86-YEAR-OLD WOMAN on Fair Drive discovered that her grandson had applied for a student loan and listed her as a co-signer. The loan is for $17,380. The elderly woman said she didn't authorize the grandson to sign her name on a loan. The 28-year-old grandson works as an actor in New York.

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A 23-YEAR-OLD PREGNANT WOMAN said her mother is harassing her. The mother calls constantly, saying that she's not afraid of her and she's a bitch. The mother says she doesn't give a shit about her daughter, and the daughter is ignorant. Also, the mother sends harassing e-mails. The daughter believes her mother is on drugs.

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ON VILLA COURT, a 47-year-old woman said her older brother got mad at her because he wasn't allowed to sit on the couch. The brother said, "I can sit anywhere I goddamn want!" Then, he tried to punch her in the face but missed. (The brother had been drinking.) The sister went to her bedroom, locked the door and called police. The brother went to jail for disorderly conduct.

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lauren.keating@creativeloafing.com

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Items in The Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.





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