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The Blotter May 09 2007

Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

TIL DEATH TO US PART?: A married couple was at a bar in Virginia-Highland. The wife said her husband didn't like what she was saying, so he head-butted her and broke her cell phone. A man said he saw the husband in the restroom and decided to say hello. According to this man, the husband replied, "I wish someone would shoot me in the head and the genitals. What do you do when you marry a princess and an only child?" This same man said the husband returned to his bar seat, and the husband's head moved toward the wife's head and he heard a loud crunch. He said he witnessed the husband breaking the wife's cell phone. Another woman said she witnessed the head-butting. The husband, age 30, was charged with simple battery.

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CALLING JACK BAUER?: Around 9 a.m., an officer saw a man with a backpack at Piedmont Avenue and Fifth Street. The man said he works for the CIA hunting terrorists, the officer noted. The man had what appeared to be a heavy object — possibly a weapon — in his jacket pockets. A search turned up two large rocks in the man's pockets. The man volunteered that he'd been arrested for breaking into cars in the past. A computer check revealed an outstanding warrant for the man's arrest. He went to jail.

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I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR: A female impersonator wearing a black-and-white dress got into an undercover cop's car in Midtown. According to the police report, the female impersonator put his hand on the cop's leg and asked: "What do you want to get into?" After several minutes of driving around, the female impersonator said that for $70, he would suck the undercover cop's dick. The undercover cop replied: "I'm looking for a real woman." The female impersonator said he could suck his dick just as good as any woman could. The female impersonator, age 20, was charged with prostitution.

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NAKED PEOPLE ON DRUGS: An officer found a 21-year-old naked woman wrapped in a blanket on Boulevard. She said she'd smoked marijuana and was confused. She started yelling that she needed God to help her. The woman's boyfriend said she'd acted this way once before when she smoked marijuana. Medics arrived. The naked woman refused to get into an ambulance and she refused to get off the sidewalk, the officer wrote. Medics sedated the naked woman. The officer wrote, "I charged [the woman] to get her medical treatment and followed Grady EMS to Grady Detention." The woman said she is nine months pregnant. Nothing else on the police report mentioned a pregnancy. She was charged with disorderly conduct.

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HOW NOT TO GET A JOB: On North Avenue, a man said a middle-aged man keeps coming to his house and asking for work. Each time, he says, he tells the middle-aged man to leave, and each time, the middle-aged man says, "This ain't over." One day, he added, "You better hope you have fire insurance." The man said rocks were thrown at his house, breaking a window, and someone kicked in the basement door. He believes this middle-aged man is the one vandalizing his home. The middle-aged man was described as wearing a white shirt, beige pants and black shoes. Nothing further.

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FULL SPEED AHEAD: Police were conducting a roadblock at Redford and Natham drives. A woman driving a black car refused to stop. One officer wrote, "The driver of the vehicle looked directly at me making eye contact and then accelerated and steered the vehicle in my direction, placing me in fear for my life. I then ran and had to jump out of the way to avoid being struck by her car." According to the police report, the woman led police on a 46-mile police chase into Coweta County. When police finally stopped her, they said, she refused to get out of the car; instead, she smoked a cigarette. The officer asked: "Why did you run from us?" The woman said she was scared. The officer noted that she had urinated on herself. Police found one beer can in her car. The woman, age 27 with blue eyes, was charged with aggravated assault, among other charges.

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WAR RELIC: A 54-year-old man from Sumter, S.C., said he put his World War II letter opener in his booth at an antique market on Jonesboro Road. Later, he discovered it missing. According to the police report, the letter opener is a "World War II scrapnel 'handmade' letter opener w/ swasticker emplem." The South Carolina man said this letter opener is handmade out of shrapnel and is one of a kind.

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SEE THE WRITING ON THE WALL: Around midnight, three women walked into a bar on Memorial Drive, an employee said. Around 1 a.m., a female employee went into the restroom and saw that someone had written on the wall. The three women were the only female customers in the bar, and the writing wasn't there earlier that night, the female employee said. Bar employees confronted one of the three women — and she had the same phrase written on her hand. The phrase is "Have Faith." The woman, age 27, said she didn't write on the wall, and that they couldn't prove she did. She also gave police a fake name. She was charged with destruction of property.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.





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