The Blotter November 28 2007

Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

'TIS THE SEASON TO FIND BAD SANTA: A security guard said a patient escaped from Grady Memorial Hospital. Initially, the male patient was admitted to Grady's psychiatric ward, but he was moved to another floor for observation. "[The patient] was supposed to be monitored by Grady security," the officer wrote. "[The patient] removed his restraints and left the hospital." The patient is mentally ill, suicidal and believed to be HIV-positive, according to the police report. The patient wore jeans and a black T-shirt with a red stripe on it. The officer wrote, "He has a long white beard and he wears glasses."

'TIS THE SEASON TO QUIT SMOKING POT: An officer was patrolling Springdale Road. He said a man came up to his patrol car and said, "Boo!" The officer asked: "Do you have any illegal drugs on you?" "No," the man said. The officer asked: "Can I search you?" "Yes," the man said. So the officer searched him and found .4 grams of suspected marijuana in the man's pocket. The man, age 24, went to jail.

'TIS THE SEASON TO TRY DEODORANT: At a moving company on Carroll Drive, the manager said he'd given a male employee several prior warnings about his body odor. But today, the employee showed up with strong body odor again, the manager said. According to the police report, the manager said he asked the employee to leave because he "could not send him to a customer's house smelling the way he did." The manager said he just sent the employee home for one day. According to the manager, the employee threatened to fuck him up, and said everyone was messing with him. He said the employee left the business, vowing to return. The employee is described as a 46-year-old man weighing about 240 pounds.

'TIS THE SEASON TO START LIFTING WEIGHTS: An 18-year-old youth said nine girls jumped him. (He weighs about 120 pounds.) He said there's an ongoing problem with these girls picking on him, calling him gay and other names. He said today at school, one girl said they were going to fight him after class. He said he told the girls he wasn't going to fight them — and one girl grabbed his hoodie jacket and ran outside. He said he wasn't too worried about the hoodie, until another student came in and said the girls had set his hoodie on fire. The 18-year-old said he walked outside — and that's when the nine girls jumped him.

He said later that night, the same group of girls walked past him and his sister, and they flashed a box cutter and said: "It's not over yet."

'TIS THE SEASON TO LEAVE PHOTO ID AT A CRIME SCENE: A 63-year-old man said he left his house on Spencer Street for about an hour. When he returned, he noticed that the rear door was open and his 37-inch TV was gone. He said the bathroom window was broken, there was glass in the bathtub and the shower curtain was torn. Then, he noticed a photo ID lying among the broken glass in the bathtub. He turned the photo ID over to police. (The Blotter Diva says: This alleged thief is either brilliant or dim-witted. If he left behind his own photo ID – well, he failed Robbery 101. If he left behind someone else's ID, perhaps to throw off the cops, well, points for creativity!)

'TIS THE SEASON TO GET EVEN ON WISTERIA LANE: A woman said her ex-boyfriend threw trash all over the carport of her home on Wisteria Lane. She said she knew it was her ex-boyfriend because he left his hospital scrubs hanging on her front door. A police officer showed up, wrote down her information and then left to search for the ex-boyfriend. While the officer was looking around, a call came in: The ex-boyfriend had returned to her home on Wisteria Lane. The ex-boyfriend, age 41, said he had drank several beers. He was charged with damaging private property and taken to jail.

'TIS THE SEASON TO CARRY CASH: Around 7 a.m., an officer said he tracked a BMW going about 105 mph on I-75/85. The officer said he stopped the BMW and spoke with the driver, a 24-year-old man who smelled of alcohol. The driver denied he'd been speeding. The officer asked: "How much have you had to drink?" "Nothing," the man said. The officer searched the car and found a black bag containing $17,700 cash. The officer asked: "Are there any valuables in the car?" The driver said his cell phone and keys — but never mentioned the money. The officer wrote, "When I asked him about the money, he said he forgot about it and meant to deposit it." He was arrested for reckless driving and DUI. At the jail, the officer spent two hours counting the $17,700.

'TIS THE SEASON TO GET NEW FRIENDS: A 36-year-old woman said another woman stopped by her house on Langston Avenue to pick up some mail (consisting of letters from prison inmates). The 36-year-old said she's known this woman since college — but this woman doesn't live with her, and never has. She said she gave the mail to the woman — but the woman believed there were more inmate letters, so she threatened to enter the house to get them. The woman allegedly parked her car in the driveway and refused to move, so the 36-year-old couldn't leave for work. The 36-year-old said she is afraid of this woman and what she might do to her regarding the mail.

'TIS THE SEASON TO RAISE YOUR PRICES: On Metropolitan Parkway, an undercover officer said a woman stopped his car and hopped in. The woman allegedly offered to have sex with the officer and give him a blowjob for the grand sum of $8. She was arrested for soliciting sex. According to the police report, the woman wore sneakers and a sweatshirt, and she is ambidextrous.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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