The Blotter April 02 2008

Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

RULES OF MAN-CAVES: Apparently, a married couple got into a food fight at their apartment on Rosewood Way. "I observed food scattered all over the walls and floors of the dining room and living room," an officer wrote. A 30-year-old woman said she and her husband argued because she would not serve food to his male guests in the garage. She said he threw pasta and a large mail clothespin at her. She said she tried to call police, but he pulled two phone jacks from the wall. She said she threw a jug of Kool-Aid at her husband — and he and his male buddies ran out of the house. She said her husband jumped into a friend's car — and she followed them for a while, but lost them. No one was injured.

BOOZY'S LAST CALL: One Sunday night, a man freaked out because it was closing time at a bar on Irby Street. Police showed up. When the man saw the patrol car, he started screaming. The officer asked, "What is your problem?" "I'm pissed off because they're closing the bar and I want to drink," the man screamed. An employee said the man taunted him, and harassed and swore at customers — all because he was angry about the bar closing. The man, age 39, went to jail.

DON'T PISS OFF GRANNY: A group of grandmothers protested inside a U.S. Army recruiting office on Ponce de Leon Avenue. An officer wrote, "Upon arrival, I noticed approximately 15 people with signs and drums in front of the office, chanting, 'Grandmothers for peace! Stop this war!'" The officer warned, "If you don't leave the inside of the recruiting office, you will be arrested for trespassing." Apparently, some left — but 10 grannies stayed. A U.S. Army sergeant said the women called her a baby killer. A sergeant from Atlanta Police Department arrived and gave the grannies one last chance to leave peacefully. "Yet, they refused and continued chanting, 'Send us instead! Send us to jail!'" Thus, 10 grandmothers went to jail on trespassing charges. They are: a 60-year-old Decatur woman; a 58-year-old woman from Inman Park; a 64-year-old Decatur woman; a 79-year-old Roswell woman; a 66-year-old woman from Line Road; an 80-year-old Kennesaw woman; a Norcross woman of unknown age; a 57-year-old Decatur woman; a 73-year-old Snellville woman; and a 65-year-old woman from Lake Claire.

OFFICE PRESSURES GONE AWRY? Around 8 a.m., a woman with gray hair and a suit was blocking traffic on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive. "I observed [the woman] blocking traffic with her skirt pulled down and exposing her butt and vagina in full public view," an officer wrote. He said he ordered her to get out of the road — but she stayed put and almost got hit by several cars. So the officer arrested her. "That's when she kicked me in the leg," he wrote. The woman, age 55, was charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct. She went to jail.

I HATE YOU AND YOUR UGLY CLOTHES: On Downs Street, a man said his wife set his clothes on fire. "I noticed the remains of clothing in the front yard, that had been burnt up," an officer wrote. "There were ashes blowing around the front yard as well." The man said he and his wife had a spat last night, and to avoid a fight, he left and stayed with a family member. The officer talked to the wife. "She began yelling and cursing at me telling me to get the fuck out of her house ... she refused to sit still and stop walking in and out of the kitchen." Also, the wife smelled of booze, the officer noted. "Shoot me 'cause I ain't going to jail," she screamed. As she was escorted to the patrol car, the wife screamed, "So you are going to have me locked up for burning clothes. You got to be fucking crazy." The wife is 52 years old. The burnt clothes are worth $450.

WHAT, NO MINT ON MY PILLOW? A security guard said a hand grenade was in a hotel room on the 23rd floor of a hotel on Courtland Street. Police arrived and found "what appeared to be a live hand grenade," an officer wrote. Police evacuated nearby hotel rooms. A SWAT team figured out the hand grenade was inactive.

ADD IT UP: A man said an unknown person drew numbers all over his car. Even worse, it's a white car. No suspects.

CUT AND RUN? A woman flagged down an undercover officer, at the corner of Peeples and Camilla Street. She hopped into the car and allegedly offered oral sex for $20. "[The woman] also had a razor blade in her mouth," the officer noted. The 42-year-old woman was charged with prostitution.

INTERESTING STRATEGY, BABE: A 37-year-old man reported that his much younger wife was missing — and she's a dancer at the Cheetah III on Spring Street. He said she called from work around 3 a.m. on Friday and said she was drunk and planned to take a cab to a Midtown hotel and stay the night. He said she called again on Saturday and said she was being held against her will and had been sexually assaulted. So the husband called police. However, the wife came home a few hours later. "She says she was not kidnapped and not sexually assaulted," an officer wrote. "She says she does not want to pursue the incident and she was lying to her husband to make him come get her." (The Blotter Diva says: A 22-year-old stripper does not need to concoct wild tales to make her older hubby jealous. Trust me, he gets jealous every time you go to work.)

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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