The Blotter April 30 2008

PARTY GUEST FROM HELL: A 25-year-old man said he had a party at his house on Matilda Place. Around 3 a.m., he noticed a drunk guy in his house. (He didn’t know this blotto party guest.) So he forced Drunk Guy to leave his house. But apparently Drunk Guy wasn’t done partying. The man said around 6:15 a.m., Drunk Guy returned and circled his house, knocking on all the windows. Then, he said, Drunk Guy started banging on the front door. The man said he didn’t open the door, so Drunk Guy kicked and broke the screen door. Then, Drunk Guy left. The man said he did not know this Drunk Guy, but he described him for police. Apparently, Drunk Guy’s party outfit was a black baseball cap, black jeans and a gray thermal.

FORBIDDEN FRUIT: A woman said she left her house on Defoors Ferry Road and a few hours later, she got a call about her home alarm going off. She returned home and discovered that her house had been robbed — again. She said this is the fifth time someone has broken into her home. She also said, every time the suspect(s) enter her home, “they always leave a fruit that is half-eaten in plain view for her to discover,” the officer wrote. “I discovered a half-eaten banana next to the listed crow bar, which was used to enter the front door.” Items reported stolen are: a flat-screen TV, a CD player and a lamp.

FRIDAY NIGHT PRANKSTERS: One Friday night, a 27-year-old woman said she parked her green Ford Mustang in a parking lot in East Atlanta. When she returned, her car was covered with toilet tissue. Also, her car was dented.

FRIDAY NIGHT BENDER: One Friday night, an officer responded to a call about a man defecating and urinating on church property on McDaniel Street. Upon arrival, a church employee took the officer to the front of the church, where a 52-year-old man was curled up. “[The man] was asleep in his own vomit, outside the front door, covered by vomit,” the officer wrote. “I woke him up and he had a strong odor of alcoholic beverage coming from his breath. He stated he had drunk two bottles of wine.” The man was charged with disorderly conduct under the influence. He complained of heart problems, so he went to Grady Memorial Hospital.

FRIDAY NIGHT SPICE: One Friday night, an undercover officer said a man got into his car at the intersection of Peachtree and Sixth streets. “He offered to have anal sex for a ‘donation’ of $40,” the officer wrote. “He stated he wanted to have sex with a white man because it was a fantasy of his and I looked large.” The man, age 44, was arrested for soliciting a sex act. Apparently, this man was carrying around a silver instant coffee maker (worth $40). His coffee maker was turned into the police property room. (The Blotter Diva wonders if sharing a nice hot cup of coffee afterward is part of his fantasy.)

SIGNS THE ECONOMY SUCKS, PART I: At a grocery store on Headland Drive, a security guard said she saw a woman put $86 worth of Skittles candy into her shirt and bag and try to leave without paying. The security guard stopped the woman and called police. The woman, age 54, said she was trying to steal candy so she could sell it. Police charged her with shoplifting and took her to jail.

SIGNS THE ECONOMY SUCKS, PART II: An employee said someone broke into the Atlanta Community Food Bank on Jefferson Street. The suspect entered by damaging an overhead garage door, the officer noted. “Boxes of food were ripped open and an unknown quantity of food was stolen.” (The Blotter Diva must note: Times are indeed tough when someone steals food that’s supposed to be given away for free ... to struggling, low-income people. According to the Atlanta Food Bank’s website, it distributes almost 2 million pounds of food and grocery items monthly.)

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW: At a beauty supply shop on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive, an employee said a woman put some hair into her bag and tried to leave without paying. Police arrived. The woman, age 25, said she didn’t take the hair for herself, but took it for a friend. Police arrested the woman for shoplifting and took her to jail. Apparently, she had brought along her 5-year-old daughter for this alleged hair-stealing spree. At the woman’s request, police released the daughter to the custody of the woman’s female friend.

CHESHIRE BRIDGE WEIRDO: An officer was stopped at a red light on Cheshire Bridge Road, when he saw a man walking down the street and yelling profanities. The officer pulled into a parking lot and approached the man. “He began yelling that he was going to kick my ass and carry my coffin,” the officer wrote. The man, age 44, was charged with disorderly conduct and taken to jail.

WATCH ME, I’M NAKED: At a grocery store on Piedmont Avenue, a manager said a middle-aged man was standing in the doorway of the men’s restroom, taking a sink bath. Apparently, the middle-aged man didn’t shut the door because people in the check-out area could see the totally nude man. The man got dressed and tried to leave but store employees stopped him. The man, age 49, was arrested for public indecency.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words. Want more? Listen to the Blotter Diva on 92.9’s (Dave FM) “The Zakk Tyler Morning Show” every Tuesday between 6:30-7 a.m.