The Blotter December 16 2010

Police stopped three men who were walking in the street on Altaview Drive. They claimed they didn’t have any drugs or weapons, but that wasn’t exactly true for one of them, a 20-year-old with an unfortunate medical condition. When the officer attempted to search the man’s crotch, he blurted out that he has herpes. The officer smelled marijuana, so he continued his search in less precarious areas. “I turned [him] around and saw that he was wearing his pants low and that he had a hole in his boxer shorts,” the officer wrote. Lo and behold, they discovered a baggie of pot nestled snugly between the man’s butt cheeks. He went to jail for drug possession.

SCATTERED AND UNCOVERED: Around midnight, an 18-year-old woman walked into the Waffle House at Underground Atlanta and demanded to use the bathroom. Upon being informed that it was occupied, the woman dropped trou and proceeded to take a leak right where she was. “The wet stain was still on the floor when I arrived,” a police officer said in his report. The woman admitted to peeing on the floor and was charged with public indecency.

NO EASY MONEY: When they simultaneously spotted a $100 bill on the ground at Forsyth and Poplar streets, two middle-aged men got into a brawl over who’d get to keep it. They almost worked out a deal — one paid the other $22.50 for the bill — but ended up exchanging blows when one of them changed his mind. Both of the men were arrested for fighting and for nothing — the bill turned out to be counterfeit.

PREVENTATIVE MEASURES: A 49-year-old woman with a flair for language was arrested for soliciting sex on Vine Street. An undercover investigator said the woman approached his car and asked if he wanted “head, pussy or ass.” The investigator said he did, and the woman hopped into his car. According to a police report, she then proceeded to rattle off her rates: “$10 for head and pussy, but if he wanted the ass, it would be $5 more.” She also told him she keeps condoms on her person because she “doesn’t want her pussy to fall off.”

JOY TO THE WORLD! Following a friendly chat at the post office, a 69-year-old man hired a fellow church member to work for him. From his Honeysuckle Lane home, the woman worked from his computer and he paid her with a check. And he suspects she was paying herself, too. After she started, about $7,000 went missing from the man’s Wells Fargo account and about $8,000 disappeared from his SunTrust account. He figures she accessed his banking info on his computer.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.