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The Blotter January 27 2011

Snowpocalypse 2011 edition

Atlanta’s recent snowstorm became a marvelous excuse for people to act like lunatics. Was it cabin fever? Sheer boredom? Regardless, there seemed to be an uptick in really random crimes. Perhaps practiced crooks sensed that ice equals opportunity. A tip: Should there be a Snowpocalypse Part Deux, lock up your toilet paper and leave the wads of cash at home.

BATHROOM EMERGENCY: On day four of Snowpocalypse, a man said he woke up to use the bathroom at around 4 a.m. and noticed that his back door was wide open, a back window was smashed out and his 32-inch plasma TV was missing — oh, and, so was the toilet paper from his bathroom.

He called police and an officer checked out the Delowe Drive apartment. The officer noted, “When looking out the back area of the apartment, there were footprints leading out of the house, but they lead to over a 100 more footprints going in every direction in the snow.”

CRAZY FOR GOD: On day six of Snowpocalypse, police got a call about a suspicious man in a black leather coat lurking in people’s yards on Hargis Street. And you’ll never guess who it was — God!

When the officer arrived, leather-coat man was standing in the street and refused to move. So the officer arrested him and put him in the patrol car. Then, the officer wrote, “I asked the male his name and he started to sing and say his name was God.” Fun facts: God is 37 years old, carries large sums of money — 320 bucks — and might be nuts. The officer concluded, “With the male acting demented, I took him to Grady Detention Center.”

WACKY APACHE: On day four of Snowpocalypse, a man said he left his apartment on Arthur Langford Jr. Place for a little while, and when he returned, his front door was kicked in. Luckily — and, probably, oddly — absolutely nothing was missing. The man suspects a guy nicknamed “Geronimo” who was hanging around earlier. Apparently, Geronimo is a man with short curly hair and a tattoo that says “Panama” on his forearm. A neighbor confirmed to police that Geronimo had been loitering near the man’s front door.

THE THREAD COUNT MADE ME DO IT: On day three of Snowpocalypse, luxury linens sparked a hullabaloo in downtown Atlanta. At around 10:45 a.m., a man reportedly made off with some sheets from a boutique hotel on Marietta Street. Staffers said they spotted the man — dressed nicely in a maroon tie, brown slacks and a tweed jacket — rummaging through the hotel’s linen closet and grabbing various items. Apparently, when the chief housekeeper confronted the man, he grabbed two black duffle bags and ran out the door onto the icy streets. It’s unclear whether the suspect was a hotel guest or an enterprising passer-by.

WELCOME TO ATLANTA! On day two of Snowpocalypse, a man from Cocoa Beach, Fla., parked outside a grocery store on Piedmont Road and, not so prudently, left his carryon luggage in the car. When he returned an hour later, he was out an iPhone, a Rolex watch and tennis bracelet (together worth $40,000), and a necklace, ring, earrings and bracelet (total value $15,000). According to the man, police officers at the store said they could not handle his report at that time because of the wintry weather. Two days later, the man finally was able to file a police report — but at that point, officers couldn’t get any fingerprints off the car.

iBIBLE: On day six of Snowpocalypse, a man said he parked his car across from a MARTA bus garage, and when he returned four hours later, his car was gone. The worst part: His amplified reference Bible was in the back seat. The man said an amplified Bible looks similar to an iPad and is worth $54. The man also said he had $400 cash locked in the glove box of his white 1994 Oldsmobile.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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