The Blotter February 24 2011

A 35-year-old man got a boot to the patoot on a recent Friday night for violating an Oakview Road lounge’s strict no-dancing-alone policy (joke, people). According to the police report, “[The man] stated he would dance by himself for a few minutes, go back and talk to his friends, then go back and dance by himself again.” He also told the cops he learned how to dance by practicing in front of a mirror at home. That night, he was working on his moves by dancing alone in front of a mirror at the bar.

Not a fan, apparently, of lonely dancer’s solo stylings, a bar co-owner named “Frankie,” walked up, grabbed him by the collar and tossed him out.

Outside the bar, the man waited for his friends. And waited. And waited. After a few minutes, Frankie and another guy came out and instigated a fight. When the dancer got the upper hand, Frankie’s cohort came up and kicked the man several times. When he went home his mother called 911, but he was “too upset” to properly answer the officer’s questions, so he had to call back the next day to give the police his full story. “They always throw me out for dancing by myself,” the man told them.

UNDERGROUND ATLANTA: At City Hall East, a security guard said he showed up for work around 11 p.m. and noticed a window was broken out on one of the exterior doors. He didn’t call police until the next morning, but when an officer showed up to check it out, he found that the door led to a creepy underground tunnel in which he found a makeshift bed and a candle still burning. They called the City of Atlanta to get the tunnel closed off.

VACATION HELL: A Florida man and his wife got in a fight in their Piedmont Road hotel because the man’s better half was upset that their accommodations were “crappy.” The man told police that his wife wanted to get out of there, but he was worried about her leaving because she was drunk. He said his tipsy wife pushed him, but neither of them were hurt. The wife, a 27-year-old woman from Valdosta, confirmed that they argued over whether she might leave the hotel. Apparently, when police showed up, the husband decided he’d had enough of his ornery wife and volunteered to leave the room for the night.

BEER RAGE: A convenience store clerk complained to police that a man constantly comes into the store, buys a beer and then always kvetches about the change he gets back. Tired of the standard routine, one day the clerk decided he’d simply ask the man to leave. According to the clerk, the man flipped out and began cursing and yelling, so he followed him outside to jot down his license plate number. The belligerent man proceeded to push and punch the clerk in his chest.

The clerk told police that the angry customer — a man named “Jesse” in a light blue hoody and yellow pants — used to work for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, and until six months ago, the man regularly delivered the newspaper to his store.

PMS SNACK ATTACK? At a grocery store on James Jackson Parkway, a 30-year-old woman was accused of trying to hide the following items under her sweatshirt: Maxi pads, chocolate milk and sausages. Apparently, a security guard called out to her, and the woman ran out the door, “jumping over a rail and scratching the palms of her hands,” an officer wrote. Police caught the woman, who went to jail on a shoplifting charge.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.