The Blotter May 05 2011

A woman who works in the music business said she believes two guys nicknamed "Helicopter Kid" and "Young Droc" broke into her apartment on Fairburn Road. She said her 42-inch flat-screen TV was gone — along with all the money from her daughter's safe. The woman's sister — who lives in the apartment, too — said she's short her Nike Air Max shoes and True Religion jeans. Another woman — who also lives there — said she's missing a black-and-white checked bag with a purple spot on it, her laptop computer, her credit cards and her iPod, which is engraved, "Best Friend, Love You."

DISCO DICK: A man's dance moves led to his arrest outside a Buckhead nightclub. Around 2:30 a.m., a security guard said the clubber was getting a little too friendly with the ladies. Allegedly, the man was "pushing himself up against women on the dance floor, violating their personal space." Naturally, women complained about the unwanted attention. As a security guard dragged the man outside, the man started yelling and screaming, so an off-duty police officer ordered him to leave the club for the night. "Suck my dick, motherfucker," the man said, pushing the police officer with both hands. Bad move. The officer said as he started to arrest the man, he "ripped the radio off my uniform shirt." The officer — along with a Georgia State trooper — took the man to the ground and finally got him under control. The 22-year-old Cumming man went to jail — where, presumably, his dance moves also failed to impress his cellmates.

HOW TO GET AUDITED FOR LIFE: A man walked into a police precinct and said someone stole his W-2 form and filed fraudulent taxes in his name. Irony: The man works for the Internal Revenue Service. He said he didn't get his W-2 form, but initially, he didn't think much of the situation — he just printed out a new copy of his W-2 at work, and forgot that the original never showed up. But when he tried to file this month, his work informed him that his taxes had already been filed. The man said the IRS can't give him any further info until he files a police report. So he did. Here's betting that once the suspect is caught, he or she will be audited for many, many years to come.

BUG BITES: A Maple Street resident said she invited a male friend nicknamed "Ant" to her house so they could spend a little time together. Unexpectedly, Ant showed up with a male friend, who she didn't know at all. She asked Ant, "Why did you bring him over?" but Ant didn't answer.

Minutes after walking in the door, Ant's friend said he needed to use the restroom. The woman said she let Ant's friend use the restroom, but felt uneasy about it. (The bathroom is connected to her bedroom.) Apparently, Ant's friend finished up in bathroom, walked back out and immediately announced that he was leaving. Turns out her suspicions were justified: When she checked her bedroom, she realized $600 was missing. She asked Ant where he friend lived, but he claimed he didn't know. After a few more questions, it finally clicked that Ant might be in on it, so the woman called police.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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