Karma Cleanser - August 08 2001

Message to foreign pizza joint managers: Treat the staff right or be deported

Karma Cleanser:
I understand that you answer questions about people doing bad things. I have been doing pretty good deeds here and there, like helping stranded motorists with flats. Ever since I helped the first person, I've had nothing but bad things happen. It started three months ago, when I first helped an older lady change a tire on the interstate. A week later, I got fired.

What did I do wrong? Did they rob a bank shortly after and I got retribution for them? Or is it for a past life? Is there anything else I could do other than suffer?

-- Left Flat

The Karma Cleanser likes to compare the universe to our mother at the grocery store — sometimes irritable, sometimes generous, but always moving at her own damn pace. That said, it seems that the cosmos is just now punishing you for long-forgotten evils. No worries, though, your recent rash of good deeds will pay off eventually, maybe a few aisles over, but only if your original intentions were in the right place.

Karma Cleanser:
Not too long ago the owner of the pizza place where I work hired a new manager from his native country, Morocco. He and the staff immediately clashed. After finding out that his legal status was not 100 percent authentic, I had my girlfriend call the INS to come and pick him up. He was subsequently deported and can't return.

Now I find out that he has four kids and two wives and that all the money he was making here was being sent back home to support them. How can I cleanse my soul of this un-American act?

-- Humble Pie

Last time we checked, revenge is an American act, as is deportation (just ask Elian Gonzales). Regardless, you and the staff should pool some pizza profits and send a "Sorry we screwed you over" care package to Mr. Morocco. A little pepperoni always makes us feel better after being yanked mercilessly back into Third World poverty.

Send confessions and questions about how to avoid karmic retribution to

karma@creativeloafing.com. All entries are anonymous, of course.

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