Karma Cleanser - January 30 2002

Dear Karma Cleanser:
In response to your advice to “Online or Out of Line” (Jan. 16), I say, “Right on!” I’ve found that a majority of those who criticize people who use the Internet for sex are guilty of a little online mischief themselves.?
?That being said, I have a confession of my own. I’m an attractive woman, early 20s, college student who doesn’t have a lot of time for dating (or, to be honest here, a lot of luck with the guys I’ve been interested in). ?
?I started chatting with men online about a year ago, but most of these guys turned out to be sniveling Web geeks. Since most of my male friends are gay, I also began frequenting the male-only chat rooms, where the men are a lot more interesting and definitely more direct. ?
?Here’s the bad part. A few months ago I started chatting with a guy in another state — only I didn’t tell him that I’m a girl. (My screen name doesn’t give it away.) We’ve developed what can only be called a romance, and have even had some online “encounters.” When he asked me to e-mail him a pic, I sent a very cute image of my friend Tom, a real hottie. Now he’s wanting to visit. I feel terrible and I’m afraid I’m making some very bad karma here by lying to this beautiful, vulnerable person. What should I do??
?-- Click a dick

The Karma Cleanser has known some psychotic fag hags in our time, but never one bold (or desperate) enough for such measures. No wonder people say the Internet’s a dangerous place! Your first priority here must be to confess your real gender to the poor sap. Chances are this will be the end of the friendship, but perhaps you can redeem yourself by setting him up with strapping young Tom.

Dear Karma Cleanser:
My marriage has been pretty damn near ruined by our cable modem. Ever since we installed the broadband suite, my wife has been spending more and more time on the computer, chatting with her “best friend” on the opposite coast. ?
?I took this problem to my friend (who used to be a preacher), and he said that I should spend less time confessing my wife’s sins and more time focusing on my own. What do you think?

-- Thanks a lot, Cable Guy

We suspect that your wife’s obsession with cyberspace probably has a lot to do with the needs you’re not meeting in her life. Listen to your defrocked friend and have a long look at your own faults. Write us again once you figure out what those sins are.

Send confessions and questions about how to avoid karmic retribution to karma@creativeloafing.com, or to Karma Cleanser, Creative Loafing, 750 Willoughby Way, Atlanta, Ga. 30312. All entries are anonymous, of course.