Karma Cleanser - June 05 2002

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I need guidance to help me figure out what to do about a problem. It started when one of my sorority sisters moved into my neighborhood. “Lisa” is my age, very pretty and married to a very successful stock market analyst. She and her husband bought one of the most expensive homes in our otherwise modest subdivision and soon began a major renovation to make this home even bigger. For the past year, I’ve driven past her home with growing envy as they’ve added a gorgeous pool, gazebo and family play area. Meanwhile, my husband and I are paying our mortgage each month just by God’s grace. My relationship with Lisa has remained friendly, but all the while I’m fuming that things come so easy for her. I worry that my negative thoughts about her are starting to have a negative impact on my life. I recently got passed over for a promotion at work, and my husband and I have been fighting a lot. Now, every time I drive by Lisa’s house, I just want to throw rotten eggs through the windows.

-- Feeling un-neighborly

Before you start lobbing grade-A egg grenades, perhaps you should stop and consider how you can use Lisa’s good fortune to your advantage. Instead of wasting time with envy and anger, why not butter up your old sorority sister for the use of her luxurious pool and play area when she’s out of town? After all, improvements to her home are only going to make your own real estate more valuable in the long run.

Dear Karma Cleanser:
It was my birthday so it seemed OK. It started when this guy flirted with me at the gym. I was giddy with anticipation. Then I gave him my phone number. Next I got a booty call from an old fling. I couldn’t say no. Then immediately afterward, I met up with an ex and had a bit of a roll in the hay. Well, when my boyfriend showed up the following night, I was too tired to truly celebrate. I don’t feel guilty. I told my boyfriend most of the story. I was feeling great — young and desirable. But how long can it last? It was a great week, but what if it all comes around to bite me in the butt?

-- Birthday slut

So long as your boyfriend is fine with all the, um, candles you blew out, we see no problem in celebrating your big day in style. However, judging from your behavior, it’s probably a good thing that birthdays come but once a year. Otherwise, such overindulgence just might warrant a birthday spanking.

Been bad? Get right with the universe at karma@creativeloafing.com.??