Karma Cleanser - June 19 2002

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I am a college student with a boyfriend in the Army. I love him very much and I know he wants us to spend the rest of our lives together. Unfortunately, we are universal opposites. I am a Jamaican-American Wiccan and a stereotypical Gemini. He is a white, stereotypical Scorpio, Baptist from Maine. I love him so much, but I recently cheated on him with the sort of guy that I have always known is bad for me — a white trashy thug who has no job and deals drugs. The affair went on for two weeks while my boyfriend was away doing Army stuff. I know I love my boyfriend and have always loved him. I don’t want anyone else and I would love to make this up to him. I don’t want to tell him since he has absolute trust in me. How do I make it up to him without telling him the bad news?

— Totally confused

To tell or not to tell, the eternal question of two-timers. We referred your letter to our friend Anya, a former master of deceit who’s recently had her wings clipped by the tender trap. Her response: “Of course she shouldn’t tell. Sometimes you have to keep dark, evil secrets stored up deep inside and live with the hurt instead of spreading it around.” As for making it up to your Scorpio soldier boy, how about adopting a new policy of not bonking drug dealers while he’s out of town? That, to us, sounds like repayment a-plenty.

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I have to disagree with your response to Birthday Slut (June 5), who thought just because it was her birthday, she could cheat on her boyfriend TWICE in the same night. Hell, I guess you could come up with some excuse for every day of the friggin’ year! “Oh, it’s the first Monday of the month, I think I’ll sleep with two different guys — both of whom aren’t my boyfriend!” (Or it’s President’s Day, it’s Cinco de Mayo, it’s Flag Day...)

Your birthday isn’t license to hurt someone else. You can feel young, desirable without hurting someone you care about. And if the person you’re with doesn’t make you feel desirable and great about yourself, maybe that person’s not right for you. She also said she told her boyfriend most of the story. Doesn’t he deserve to know everything?

-- Birthday Party Pooper

We don’t doubt that Birthday Slut could take the carpe diem attitude a bit too far, making any old holiday an occasion to act like a cheap whore, but we stick with our original answer that such behavior wasn’t out of line so long as the boyfriend didn’t have a problem with it. As for telling him the whole truth, refer to Anya’s answer above.

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