Karma Cleanser - July 31 2002

Dear Karma Cleanser:
When I was in my early 20s, I tried my best to dress and act older. I usually succeeded, and always dated guys at least six or seven years my elder. I usually would not tell them my real age, and most of them never knew how old I really was. Now I’m in my mid-30s and I’m having the exact opposite type of problem: I tend to be attracted to men who are in their early 20s. And let me tell you, the whole myth about men who go for the smart and sexy older woman is just that: a myth. The men I’m attracted to always seem to get freaked out when they find out my age. I don’t think my dress or my face gives away my secret, but the guys all say I seem like I’m “further along in life” and then move on to the next twentysomething bimbo in the room.

Am I now paying for my years of lying about my real age? What’s a girl got to do to get a date with an attractive young man these days?

-- Older, Wiser and Bitter

Maturity, says cartoonist Jules Feiffer, is only a short break in adolescence. You suffer from the typical American obsession with all things age-related, and like an adolescent, you’re seemingly only attracted to what you can’t have. Rather than chasing the chicken boys, why not grow up and go after some more mature cock from your own age group?

br>?Dear Karma Cleanser:
I’ve lived in the same apartment for two years, and I’ve always had good relationships with the folks who live around me. But the new guy who just moved in next door has turned out to be a major pain the ass. He plays loud music and, though I can’t prove this theory, I think he’s been stealing my newspaper every morning. I started wishing bad thoughts on him shortly after he moved in and the paper started vanishing. But then, I noticed that my paper stopped getting stolen, and the loud music went away. I mentioned this in passing to another neighbor, who informed me that the new guy had been in a sporting accident and is recuperating at his parents’ house. Now I feel really bad for wishing bad thoughts on the guy. But I’m enjoying having my paper back.

-- Mind Over Madder?

We doubt your bad thoughts led to the new neighbor’s accident, but rather his own surly behavior was the cause. Enjoy the break while it lasts.

Hey college readers: Karma Cleanser wants your confessions. Send stories of wronged roommates, frat-house mishaps and other campus sins to karma@creativeloafing.com.