Karma Cleanser - January 08 2003

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I’m a 24-year-old guy, and I have had the biggest crush on one of my really hot guy friends for years now. He’s straight, of course, (no question about it) and doesn’t know that I’m into guys. He’s also very shy about nudity. And all the times we’ve gone to the gym or the beach or anywhere else one would expect to see a person naked, I’ve been foiled. I have been dying to see this dude naked for so long, and last month I finally got my chance. He came into town on his way to Florida and of course I offered him my place to stay for a couple days, which he readily accepted.

Well, I wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip by. I devised a foolproof plan to catch him in the buff. I swiped my parents’ old nanny cam and set it up in my shower stall. Completely oblivious, my friend soaped up and showered each day he was there and needless to say I’ve now got some great footage on tape. I can’t believe my plan actually worked, but now another friend of mine says I should feel really bad about what I’ve done. I guess I feel a little guilty, but it’s not like I plan on selling the tapes on the Internet. So am I going to hell?

b>-- Guy Spy

Hell? Probably not, but you’re setting yourself up for some mighty icky cosmic retribution. Imagine your maiden aunt sniffing through your underwear drawer, or your oily, overweight landlord videotaping your shower. Creepy, huh? Destroy the tapes now and return the cam before you’re tempted to peep again.

br>?Dear Karma Cleanser:
I feel bad about some things that happened to some people. When I get really angry at people, I imagine really bad things happening to them. I don’t do anything to make the bad things happen, I just imagine them to make myself feel better. Well, I’d imagined this one guy getting hurt — emotionally, not physically. Two weeks later, I learned that the person was knocked unconscious in an automobile accident.

I’d also imagined a second person deciding to leave the country. A month later, I found out that this person is being deported for letting their work permit expire. Is all of this my fault?

b>-- Daydream Believer

All thoughts have power, but yours seem to be particularly potent. Next time someone dicks you over, instead of imagining something bad happening to them, imagine something wonderful happening to yourself. Use the Force, Luke — but use it for good, not evil.

Been bad? Pack up your sorrows and ship them ?to karma@creativeloafing.com.??