Karma Cleanser - July 17 2003

Dear Karma Cleanser:
?I'm writing not to clean my karma but to clean the karma of someone who has done something wrong to me.

A few Sundays ago, my girlfriend and I were riding to the library to get some books for her. We found ourselves stuck behind a slow-moving car in the right lane and an even slower moving Honda in the left. The guy in the Honda noticed us trying to pass in front of him and started to speed up so that we couldn't get by. After several attempts to pass the dude, my girl finally succeeded, but only because she cut the Honda off. I guess the Honda driver had an ego because he was upset by the passing and sped up to cut us off.

My girl is a quick-thinking driver, so she jumped in the opposite lane in order to avoid the driver's foolish games. We arrived at the library only to see that the Honda driver had followed us all into the parking lot. The guy yelled, "Hey man, you need to learn how to drive." What he failed to notice is that my girlfriend isn't a he! After we checked out our books, we came back to a newly keyed car. The Honda driver was nowhere in sight.

I write this on behalf of me and my girlfriend: We forgive those who watched this driver key our car without trying to stop him. We also forgive the driver for scratching up our car. No harm done.

-- Passing lane

Kudos to you for taking such a mature approach to an obviously shitty situation. We can only hope more drivers in our mecca of congestion could follow your example. Apparently the cure for road rage is ... library books? Who knew?

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I live in a loft where the walls are about as thin as notebook paper. My next door neighbor, who is just out of college, has a habit of waking up most mornings at 6 a.m. and blasting her music (bad bass-heavy hip-hop stuff). I don't normally rise until 8 or 9, but for the past week, I've felt like I had 50-Cent in bed with me.

Yesterday morning, I stole my neighbor's newspaper as a way of retaliating for her rudeness. I'm worried now about the bad karma that might be sent my way. What's a sleepy girl to do?

-- Stop the music

Here's an idea: Return the stolen paper, and with it attach a note telling your neighbor you're sick of feeling like you're In Da Club. (Get it? In Da Club? We crack ourselves up.) Then again, how many women would kill to wake up with 50-Cent in their beds?

Been bad? karma@creativeloafing.com.