Karma Cleanser - February 17 2005

?Dear Karma Cleanser: I have a karmic dilemma.

I've been having sex with multiple women - dirty women, church women, whatever - and I never wear a condom. I just detest the way condoms feel. Anyway, one day, my girlfriend complained that she had a really bad itch down there and I think I may have given her pubic lice. I'd gone through the same thing but had it taken care of weeks ago. She doesn't know that I've cheated on her repeatedly. She's thinking it's other things and is getting treatments that don't work. But I know that if I tell her what really happened, she'll leave me. Will I incur bad karma if I just ignore it and pretend that I don't know what it is?
?-- Scared Dickless

Wow. Your letter has done a rare thing: It's momentarily struck the Karma Cleanser speechless. Ahem. Where to begin? Yes, you'd better darn well let your girlfriend know what might be going on "down there," and both of you should rush to a doctor to get tested for a whole battery of other nasties while you're at it. To do otherwise would be to seriously endanger both of your lives. Next, come clean about the other women. Your girlfriend may well leave you over this, and she may not. Either way, she deserves to know what she's up against. We'd bet if you do stay together, she won't allow you to be alone with the "church women" again.

Dear Karma Cleanser: I recently made the effort to reconvene with an old college friend I had not seen in many years. After we had lunch together, I was reminded of all the reasons why this particular person is no?longer in my life. He is selfish and arrogant, and can barely carry on a conversation that's not about him. Now that I've opened the door for us to hang out again, he keeps calling me wanting to hang out more. I feel strongly that I don't want to restart a friendship, but I worry that shutting him out again is bad for my karma. Can I figure out a middle path??
— Alma Matter

Every few months the Karma Cleanser takes a nostalgia trip?through our address book and randomly chooses one old friend to call?and catch up with. Sometimes our experience is the same as yours: The?call reminds us why this person no longer merits a speed-dial slot in?our phone. Sometimes, though, the effort puts you back in touch with?another person — yourself. Revisiting old friendships is a great way?to see how far you've come in your personal journey. No need to cut?off all ties with your arrogant ex-pal. Just let the communication?lines gradually close once more, and try him again in a few years.

Been bad? karmacleanser@creativeloafing.com??