Karma Cleanser - April 25 2007
Will it come back to bite you?
Dear Karma Cleanser:
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My boyfriend is a gym rat. He lifts four times a week and also jogs on weekends. When we first met, I was really into his cut, Ahnold look, because I had never dated a guy with muscles before.
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Now I am not so sure I like it. He has started drinking protein smoothies every day when he wakes up. I don’t have the heart to tell him that the “mass” he’s gaining isn’t going to the good places, but it is accumulating in his midsection. When we sleep together, I have started to daydream about the rail-thin indie-rock guy I was with before him. That guy had never lifted anything heavier than a laptop and considered all jocks stupid meatheads. I don’t want to dump my boyfriend, but how do I adjust to the changes in his body?
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– – Smoothie Queen
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We disagree. Sounds like you do want to break up with your body-building boyfriend, but you first want someone else to give you permission to do so. It’s perfectly common to seek a partner who is the polar opposite of your last lover, and doing so can actually be a wonderful exercise (pun intended!) in finding out what you really want. We’re worried, though, that you’re confusing body type with personality. Is it really this guy’s growing gut that’s causing your daydreams, or is there something else going on that makes you miss the skinny indie?
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Dear Karma Cleanser:
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I spent the night at my on-again-off-again girlfriend’s apartment.
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I thought she might be seeing someone else and I confirmed it that morning when I went to brush my teeth and saw that there was a second toothbrush in her holder. I took it and brushed my ass and nuts.
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When she woke up, she came back into the bedroom brushing her teeth with the same toothbrush – telling me how great it was and she was taking a break from her electric brush!
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Advise me to do anything but tell her the truth, please.
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– – Clean Mouth
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Dirtier minds than ours might tell you not to sweat it: Poor girl had worse in her mouth the night before! But we’re not so cynical or crass here at KC Central, so we’ll offer this: If you’re such a vindictive little cad, perhaps there’s a reason why this woman would want to date other people. Wait, that still came off as fairly cynical and crass. How about this: Dip your own toothbrush in Tabasco before the next usage. And when you buy a replacement, pick up an extra for your lady friend, please.
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Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.