Scene & Herd - The Super Bowl

Believe it or not, the Dallas Mavericks’ 122-113 victory over the Toronto Raptors was not last Sunday’s only sporting event of note. Sunday also brought us the Georgia Wildlife Federation’s Friction Call Open Turkey Calling Contest at the Atlanta Expo Center, part of the Atlanta Hunting, Fishing & Outdoor Expo.

The contest began with master of ceremonies Jim Newbill explaining how the contest would work. Seventeen people would compete on a low stage decorated with a folding chair and a small table with a stuffed turkey on it. Behind a curtain on the back side of the stage sat a table of judges, all experienced turkey hunters. With the curtain blocking their view of the stage, the judges could only score based on what they heard and not the turkey caller’s appearance.

Even if the judges were awarding points for appearance, it wouldn’t have mattered. Everyone was dressed alike, in some combination of denim, khaki and boots. Most of the competitors wore shirts embroidered either with their name, the name of a sporting goods manufacturer, the name of a motorized vehicle manufacturer, or all of the above. Nearly all of the contestants accessorized with a cap and a utility knife clipped to their belts or pockets. At one point, I looked around and noticed that I was one of three people in the first few rows not wearing a camouflage baseball cap. Of the other two, one was wearing a John Deere cap while the other was busily spitting tobacco juice into a disused water bottle.

Like the name implies, friction calls are made by scraping two things together. Of the 17 contestants, 16 used a device that looked a beverage coaster getting scraped with a screwdriver. The first required call was the “plain yelp of the hen.” When a male turkey hears the hen’s yelp, he experiences a sensation similar to what a man feels when an attractive woman smiles at him in a crowded bar.

The next required call was the “fly down cackle.” It tells the male turkey that you’ve hopped out of the tree and you’re ready for a little bit of basting, if you know what I mean. It’s sort of like that attractive woman coming up to you in the bar and giving you written directions to her house.

The third call was the “cutting of the excited hen.” In human terms, it’s a woman saying to a guy, “I know we’ve just met, but I’m really hot and horny. I’d like you come up to my bedroom so that I can model my new lingerie for you.” If a male turkey resists the “cutting of the excited hen,” you’re either doing it wrong or the turkey is gay.

How did the competitors do? Hell if I know. If somebody asked me to do a turkey call before the contest, I’d probably put my hand to my mouth and say, “Here turkey-turkey-turkey.” They all sounded damned turkey-like to me, however, not a single turkey was lured into the seminar hall during the competition. The winner was a young man named Justin Savage. He earned $500.

Multitasking:As I’m sure you all noticed from the traffic jams it spawned, Atlanta’s 27th annual Groundhog Day Jugglers Festival was last weekend. While I missed Saturday afternoon’s juggling competition, I did make it to that evening’s Fire and Light Extravaganza at the L5P Community Center. On a dark street corner, men and women juggled flaming spears, ate fire and twirled fire-tipped chains. Around them, people juggled light balls and one guy twirled an LED-lit yo-yo. Despite the tendency of male jugglers to let their facial hair grow long, no one I saw caught on fire, and I only heard one guy trying to impress a woman with pretentious twaddle about how he likes fire because it’s “so primal.”

Wafers:On Saturday night, I ducked into 10 High to catch the band Nillah’s CD release party. The CD is called The Sun Show, released on local label Two Sheds Music (note to Monty Python lovers: I did my research and found out that Two Sheds Music does, in fact, derive its name from the Arthur “Two Sheds” Jackson skit).Playing to a packed house, the band treated the audience to an excellent set of atmospheric, jaunty-but-mellow melodic pop in a style that I like to describe to anyone who’ll listen as “U2-Pence None the Richer.” It’s lighter fare than one typically gets at clubs, but the consistent quality of the tunes, arrangements and performance made it a great show.

Geeks like me take note: Right before Nillah closed with a cover of the Replacements’ “Valentine,” guitarist Greg Gentry plugged in a Les Paul with a Magic-Markered autograph on it. That was the autograph of Paul Westerberg, the song’s co-composer.

Art Attack:Last Saturday, approximately 1 million people gathered at Mason Murer Fine Art for the annual Art Papers Auction. It’s the city’s big see-art-and-be-seen-doing-it party of the winter, not to mention an annual reminder of how much money I don’t have. The biggest celebrity I saw walking around was WGCL stunt reporter Fred Powers. You’ll all be relieved to know that at no point during the auction was he Tasered, buried alive, or attacked by dogs.As in years past, the hundreds of pieces on display were available for purchase via silent auction, with some of the proceeds going to Art Papers magazine. Watching a heated auction, even a silent one, is great fun. The most heated auction I saw was for a Paul Galloway oil painting titled “Remains.” Silent bidding took the piece from $100 to a three-way tie at $1,250. The tie was broken with a live auction and the piece sold for $1,450.

Incomprehensibly, there was not a single bid for my favorite piece. Pointed out to me by CL staff writer Scott Henry, the work consisted of an opened and flattened french fry carton covered with glitter. It was titled “My Gay Lover,” and was available with a minimum bid of $800. The work’s creator, Tony Feher, claims that his “serial use of everyday objects both highlights their formal qualities and imbues them personal meaning.”

andisheh@creativeloafing.com??
For more on Andisheh’s outings, see Scene & Herd online at andy2000.org.??