Scene & Herd - Miniature week:

St. Patrick’s Day commemorates the death, nearly 1,600 years ago, of the man whose missionary activity is largely responsible for converting Ireland into a Christian nation. I marked the day by going to see a stripping dwarf at the Masters strip club on Cheshire Bridge Road.

Her name is Little Pixie. Unlike Masters’ “Feature Babes” like Dixie Cupps, Chrissy Mountjoy and Mason/Dixon, 37-inch tall Little Pixie is a touring artiste, expanding her one-dollar bill collection at strip clubs all over the country.

I saw the 6 p.m. show, the first of a nine-show, three-night stand at the club. Despite the early hour, the club was already crowded. All but a couple of the tables around the stage where Little Pixie danced were full.

Except for her height, an adhesive square on her lower abdomen that looked like a birth control patch, and a vertical scar just north of the vulva, she was just like any other stripper. The diminutive diva waddled her stuff up and down the runway-like stage accompanied by loud music. Patrons (and matrons - there were quite a few women in the audience) willing to walk up to the stage and part with cash were frequently thanked by the sight of Little Pixie bending over and wiggling her ass in their face. For my $2, I got a thank you and a half-hearted smile.

After her final song, Little Pixie sat on the stage and shoved her dollar bills into a small bucket. After disappearing for a few minutes, she returned to pose for pictures and sign autographs. For $20, she’d pose with patrons for a Polaroid in her red, white and blue bikini.

Hey Joe: Last weekend, the Atlanta Marriott Century Center hosted the fifth annual Atlanta G.I. Joe show, Joe-Lanta 2005. According to the organizers, Joe-Lanta is second only to the national G.I. Joe show in Orlando as the largest action figure event on the East Coast (I guess they don’t count the Barbie show, which I’m both proud and sad to admit that I’ve been to, and is, in fact, much larger).How it compares to other shows, I can’t say with authority. I can tell you, unequivocally, that I’ve never been among as many doll-loving, I mean action-figure-loving men as I was when I stopped by Joe-Lanta last Sunday.

The Joe-Lanta specialty is the classic, 12-inch G.I. Joe, not the extra-tiny 3.75-inch dolls, I mean action-figures, that I played with when I was young. Available for purchase were the regular G.I. Joe, the talking G.I. Joe, and the bearded G.I. Joe with “life-like hair and beard,” that, if you swapped out his fatigues for some leather, would be the spitting image of the late Glenn Hughes (aka the Village People’s original leather biker).

Speaking of gay, one of the vendors was selling both Marine Corps and Army Ken dolls. Since neither doll talked, they were in full compliance with the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

I estimate that half of what was on display at the show was non-G.I. Joe. The majority was elaborately detailed G.I. Joe-like gear. Modern soldier dolls were popular, as were WWII dolls. I’m a bit of a Patton buff and almost bought a 12-inch Patton action figure. It even came with a replica of Patton’s ivory-gripped pistol (because pearl is for gangsters).

There were little outfits, little guns, little utility belts, and for those who needed them, every third or fourth vendor had bins full of muscular naked soldiers piled on top of one another. It was hot. There was a Christian Slater doll on sale, too. He was half-price.

Too Cool For School: Last Sunday afternoon, Grady High School in Midtown held a grand opening ceremony to mark the completion of its remodeling and fancy new construction.After a ribbon-cutting in the school’s new “Arts Plaza,” the public was invited to tour the school’s new facilities, including its pretty new music wing, and buy engravable bricks ( la Centennial Olympic Park) that will be laid on school grounds this spring.

The bit that I enjoyed most, though, were the funny signs in the cafeteria. The cafeteria’s soup line featured a Warhol-like soup painting; the Deli sign, a Dali.

Kaiser Rock-n-Rolls: Last Tuesday, the latest Brit-pop mini-sensations, the Kaiser Chiefs, stopped by Smith’s Olde Bar. The band sounds a lot like mid-’90s Blur, an influence they’re clearly not keen on hiding since their debut album, Employment, was largely produced by Blur’s then-producer Stephen Street and the album’s sleeve notes thank former Blur guitarist Graham Coxon for the use of his vintage motorcycle, a 1935 Kaiser “Chief.”The band took the stage around 9:30 p.m. with the group’s tiny, yet full-cheeked singer, Ricky Wilson, walking with the assistance of a cane. With the exception of the singer and the drummer saying “y’all” a lot, they didn’t do much talking.

At one point, Wilson explained that he injured his foot a couple days earlier while trying to impress a girl. He didn’t explain, however, how an injury that makes him need a cane to walk still allowed him to leap around the stage like a hyper kid who’d just found some sugar.

It was such a fun show that I went out and bought the album the next day.

andisheh@creativeloafing.comFor more of Andy’s hijinks, see Scene & Herd at www.andy2000.org.??