Scene & Herd - Down with OPP

Other people's publications

If you want to get the attention of any heterosexual male, just send him a photo of a bra-less woman wearing a tissue-thin white T-shirt — such as the image included in the press kit for Alternative, an upscale T-shirt boutique now open in Virginia-Highland. Bill Hallman and Anthony Harper partnered with Alternative Apparel to create a line of vintage-inspired, soft blank tees. The shop's grand opening featured finger food, a DJ, bustling sales girls and promotions people.

Of course, I can't speak about how the T-shirts actually fit because the first one I picked up was $35. Yes, $35 for a blank 60/40 cotton/polyester ringer. My favorite is the "Burnout," a tee that looks as if it was worn habitually for years before being donated to the dog bed. The fabric is worn thin to the point of transparency and comes complete with a bit of pilling. If you are the type of person who'll pay $48 for a T-shirt that looks like something the Salvation Army would send straight to the rag pile, you might want to hunt down the Atlantan magazine. A "modern luxury" publication, the Atlantan had a team on hand to pass party-goers copies of the first issue, which featured ads by the likes of Armani, Cartier and Bentley.</
I kicked off St. Patrick's Day at the Masters, one of many strip clubs located on Cheshire Bridge Road, for the early show of Little Pixie and Luscious Little Lacy, the Dwarf Duo. Yes, stripping midgets. Only "37-inches small," Pixie and Lacy did a standard three-song routine to the delight of midget fetishists, curiosity-seekers and two tables full of ladies in green "I (heart) Midgets" T-shirts.

Interestingly, the duo's first several tippers were college-age girls, some with boyfriends in tow. In the days following the show, I got a ton of questions from friends about the anatomical details of the little ladies. I don't (heart) midgets, but if I did, I'm sure either Pixie or Lacy would be, uh, more than enough woman for me. Unfortunately, the ladies wouldn't allow this publication to use the autographed Polaroid I purchased, so you'll just have to use your imagination. Not into little people? Don't fret. The Masters features a variety of ladies to ogle. So no matter what your personal preference is, you'll probably find something to catch your eye.</
I spent much of the evening hanging out with Elvis, photographer for local adult magazine Xcitement. Elvis and I agreed that strip club DJs must all be cloned from the same stock. Why do clubs employ guys who sound like they're on the verge of saying "Great googly moogly, it's a Toyota tent sale!" rather than a sexy-voiced female?

Anyway, I tracked down the "I (heart) Midgets" crowd in the parking lot and asked, "So you're all fans of midgets?"</
"Nah," one woman replied. "We just bought these shirts in Little Five Points this afternoon."</
They were disappointed at the lack of male little people, so if you're in the adult entertainment business, you're missing out on a potential niche market.</
Continuing my "other people's publications" weekend, I hit the St. Pat-Prick party at the Earl sponsored by Prick magazine. "The World's First Free Tattoo & Piercing Lifestyle Publication," Prick was started here in Atlanta by former Loafer Chuck Brank (who happens to celebrate his birthday on St. Pat's).</
The recently reunited El Caminos were on stage when I arrived, doing their usual boozy hard rock for fans who chanted along to many of the songs. Between bands, members of the Doll Squad performed burlesque numbers on the side stage, but because of the height of the stage, only a few people got to see more than just a pretty face. Gonzalez, a band diametrically opposite of the El Caminos on the narrow spectrum of music for the evening, followed. Whereas El Caminos' lead singer, JJ, ordered another double Jim Beam after saying, "I think I'm the drunkest person here," Gonzalez's Joe Voisin remarked, "We took this gig for all the free water." Their sobriety works to their advantage with super tight playing behind Voisin's voice, which sounds like Soundgarden/Audio Slave Chris Cornell. Gonzalez did a metallic cover of Pat Benetar's "Heartbreaker" that absolutely killed.

I stopped by the annual Chicken Raid, a benefit for the family of local bluesman Frank Edwards, at Northside Tavern on Saturday afternoon. The Raid was organized by Danny "Mudcat" Dudek in partnership with Music Maker, a group that helps blues (and other musical) pioneers who have fallen on hard times. The festival brought together dozens of local musicians cranking out fantastic blues and gospel for fans willing to start drinking beer, eating chicken and dancing long before the sun set. The show was so good and the cause so worthy, I felt guilty about leaving early, but then you, loyal reader, wouldn't be able to vicariously experience the cornucopia of variety CL is known for, would you?</
I ended the night, and the St. Patrick's weekend theme, at Lenny's, where local Americana act No River City had organized a Pogues tribute featuring "an ever-rotating cast of shit-heads." These heads were most often covered by those military-style caps that have become Ashton-Kutcher-trucker-hat popular. (Now, for those not yet willing to jump trends entirely, Alternative offers the best of both worlds: a mesh-backed military cap for a mere $20!)</

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