Corkscrew - Wine Emergencies

Counseling others via the phone

So I’m slothing at home, feeding my pathetic addiction to “Law & Order” reruns on TNT when the phone rings. My friend John is at dinner with a promising date, freaking out about what wine to order. After I giggle a moment about the thought of “love-‘em-and-leave-‘em” John on a real date and spending some bucks on a chick, he says he wants to order the wine I was gushing about the week before, an old vintage Pinot Noir from Burgundy. By the glass, it was a modest $8, but I couldn’t remember the whole name (my mind is a sieve — if I don’t write it down, it doesn’t register). I advised him to the best of my ability, he wrote it down, then presumably ordered the wine without looking at the list. It, unfortunately, wasn’t the right name. I got a rather snippy call from him the next day letting me know my advice cost him $120. And he didn’t get lucky, either. That’s the last time he asked my wine advice.

*****

Unbelievably late one night, a scratchy phone call came through, laced with the background sound of restaurant chatter. My friend was calling me from France, looking at a list of foreign wines. You see, in France, most restaurants don’t exactly feature California wines on their lists ... they’re funny that way. So my friend was lost in a sea of regions with no Cabernet, Chardonnay or Syrah in sight. We assessed the dinner group’s financial limitations — in France, the Burgundies and Bordeaux wines are still offensively priced even though they’re produced right there. We gauged their taste — Rhone wines almost always please a group. Then we settled on a Gigondas from the Rhone Valley. Since we had to shout to hear each other, it took several minutes to find a solution. The call probably cost more than the wine.

*****

Perusing a well-stocked grocery store wine aisle is, to say the least, a pain in the ass for those who don’t drink very often. I’ve received hurried calls about what to bring to a dinner party (Cabernet Sauvignon is always a good bet), anxious pleas about what to buy for a gift (everyone loves dessert wine) and sheepish requests for the best cheap wine to share on the couch. It’s a little harder to answer that last one, but here’s my rule of thumb: It’s easier to produce good, inexpensive Cabernet Sauvignon than Pinot Noir or Chardonnay. And Chile produces some extraordinary cheap wines.

I love those calls, since imparting knowledge feels right to me. The counsel is always free, the wine and the experimentation, however, are up to you.

CORKSCREW@CREATIVELOAFING.COM

Recommended Wines

Martin and Weyrich 2005 Moscato Allegro California. SW = 6. $12. A refreshingly honest, sweet wine. Perfumey with roses, cotton candy and overripe pears. Rich with just-picked apricots. Kinda tastes like a really, really good Bartles & Jaymes wine cooler. 4.5 stars

2004 Mommessin Pouilly Fuissé. SW = 3. $14. This French Chardonnay from the Burgundy region is — pardon the use — dee-lish. Smooth, delicate fruit like fragrant peaches, honeysuckle and ripe red apples. Finishes clean and elegant with a tartness that lasts seemingly forever. 4 stars

York Mountain 2003 Syrah Jack Ranch Clone Edna Valley. SW = 1. $18. Dark and mysterious like someone who’d feel comfy in a smoky, backroom poker tourney. Cherry and black pepper ooze out of its drops, with a follow-up of fruity, smoky earth. Fascinating, complex. 4 stars

Burgess Cellars 2001 Syrah Lake County. SW = 1. $22. The nose picks up an odd stench of gym sweat, but the tongue tastes cherries and roses. It tries real hard to win you over, but that smell ... whew. 2 stars